谁能帮我改下托福作文。

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

请各位高人指点哈，谢谢哈
Why people attend college、
College is an area where we can learn a plenty of knwledge,and these knowledge could broad our horizen and develop our experience. Beside,another important reason for us isdiploma of college brings us high-educated honor and looks good on resume.
Firstly,we go to college for the desire of knowledge related to our future works,teachers broadcast skills and method as a pragmatic fuction.for instance,if you major in nursing,you would be teached how to inject and how to measure blood pressure that are not just limited to a theory area.furthermore,we can also consult materials from library. however,usually in high school, neither library building nor reading room provide us books.
Secondly,in college,we could choose what we like or dislike.on the contrary,in primary school or senior school.we were required to get great credits in various subjects whether maths ,biology or history.
Thirdly,high-educated people means better jobs, the certification of college can bring us a technology job but not a manual labor.we graduated from college just for the better life,and an high-salary job like mental work means wealthy life that is what we wanted.for instance,Have you graduated from law/medical school,you may become attorney/doctor even president which are the upper-class people,Nevertheless,if you have not been admitted to a college,you would never learned something involved in these areas,and you would never penetrate into the upper-class which majority of people are high-educated.
In sum, the advantage of going to college is outweigh the disadvantage.The college have a great deal of books,skils,knowledges and experiences from professor are waiting for us to learn,and we can select subjects we interested that would make us more efforts .The diploma would bring us more opportunity and wonderful life

杨嘟嘟1115UID: 3017002

个人觉得，字数可以再多一点，第二段再扩扩吧。词和短语的转换挺好的，值得学习。

xbim1810UID: 2445068

感觉第二段的论述比较牵强，可以写成大学为我们进一步学习深造自己感兴趣的领域提供了平台和机会。