跪求大牛帮看看作文。。。。求拍砖。。。

慢慢走1215UID: 3202153

这是写有关环境污染的片段，


求大牛帮看看，那些句子生硬、奇怪等。。。。


谢啦！！


Growing up in an industrial city, my family members and I have suffered a lot from contamination, especially my mother, a warehouse keeper of the largest Steel Works which is located in city centre and have damaged the environment irreversibly. Specifically, as a child, my mother took me to the factory for several times. It is the surrounding scene that I would not forget during my whole life. There was no tree on the mountains near the factory, and the grass was yellow all the year round. There was nothing in the sky, but the black-yellow smoke emitted from chimneys consistently and uninterruptedly. In addition, Acres of bottle-green waste water rolled steadily towards the river. Thus I cannot image how much poisonous gas my mother had breathed in, so that she suffered from respiratory disease painfully. Due to the toxic type of work, my mother has to retire earlier than other citizens whose work is not.

I could figure out that the working environment of my mother is a typical microcosm in my hometown. Thousands of workers, especially those who are employed by enterprises in the heavy industry, can do noting about the abominable working conditions, but to accept that helplessly and reluctantly. Further, it is most of the enterprises that are lack of necessary standardization and technique of the industrial and environmental safety required by government, according to my observation and investigation. Based on these facts, I do not think that they synthesize the safety, industrial hygiene and environmental management organically and practically.

千夫所指UID: 3120043

窃以为5.5~6

bqianaUID: 193168

4.5-5

翔天之翼UID: 3187415

顶