【Daily Writing作文特训小组】yangwanggauss作文帖

yangwanggaussUID: 3251991

师说，每天早上要面对镜子，大喊：“我爱TOEFL!!!我爱GRE!!!”10遍以上～～今天开始和战友们一起贴作文
在一楼先感谢各位帮我改作文的战友，前两天读了美蓝童鞋的作文，发现自己离动笔写作文还是很有差距——
  我的思路不是很开阔，作引言和举例的时候常常会卡住
所以，这几天找了本小宝老师的口语写作素材论据的书在啃，恶补下语言输入，从21号开始我再开始动笔写，虽然看了下活动的时间没几天了，但还是欢迎各位战友来批评我的作文！
PS：请问上传附件的按钮到底在哪里？= =。。。

最后，记下两句话，大家共勉
师傅领进门，自虐靠个人 ——小新老师
共同诋毁，相互提高 ——郑确、//==================//
2012.02.21更新
说几点写的时候的问题：
1 感觉对少年儿童只想到了三个词：children kids teenager (juvenile不敢用) 还有没有可以替换的词？
2 第二点关于 电视暴力场景的地方写的少了些，请问有没有更好的细节例子？
3 TOEFL作文的要求是在400+， 我还可以在哪些地方添加一些语句？ 比如加细节、加推论什么的。。。
欢迎战友拍砖~~

yangwanggaussUID: 3251991

Our modern society is becoming more and more competitive, the financial gap between the rich and the poor increases at the same time. Some people insist that two persons will develop good friendship even if one is richer than the other. However, it is not true for everyone.
First, people with different incomes have different social circles, in which their focus and chat topics change. For example, managers of international corporations concentrate on the development of the comapny and talk about the tactics to handle with the coming problem, while, farmers living in a small village focus on the conditions of their farms and chat about their harvests. There is little chance for a good friendship between an high salary manager and a farmer with less income comparatively, because they do not have similar topics or problems for communication.
What's more, lifestyle is related to people's financial conditions. The rich tends to spend more money on living expenses, while the poor have to choose an economic way to live. For instance, a child from a wealthy family is usually sent to school by his parents' car. On the contrary, the one from an average family often waits for the school buses. The differences between this two children will make the latter child become self-abashed, which is harmful for the child's mentally.
In conclusion, the friendship between various financial conditions is unstable and undurable. But everyone can live in happiness with his friends corresponding to himself.
写后感:
1 重复的表达太多
2 结尾很生硬，思路没打开
3 例子不是特别充分

美蓝UID: 3211855

已经改好啦~~
这是我的作文，记得回改哦~~~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1332586-3-1.html

sillydsUID: 2985444

2# yangwanggauss


Our modern society is becoming more and more competitive,(加上and at the same time) the financial gap between the rich and the poor increases at the same time(删除). Some people insist that two persons will develop good friendship even if one is richer than the other. However, it is not true for everyone.


First, people with different incomes have different social circles, in which their focus and chat topics change. For example, managers of international corporations concentrate on the development of the comapny and talk about the tactics to handle with(tactics for这么会简洁点) the coming problem, while, farmers living in a small village focus on the conditions of their farms(farmlands) and chat about their harvests. There is little chance for a good friendship between an high salary manager and a farmer with less income comparatively, because they do not have similar topics or problems for communication.

What's more, lifestyle is related to(closely related to) people's financial conditions. The rich tends to spend more money on living expenses, while the poor have to choose an economic way to live. For instance, a child from a wealthy family is usually sent to school by his parents' car. On the contrary, the one from an average family often waits for the school buses. The differences between this two children will make the latter child become self-abashed, which is harmful for the child's mentally.

In conclusion, the friendship between various financial conditions is unstable and undurable(nondurable). But everyone can live in happiness with his friends corresponding to himself.

文章总体一般，有语法错误，句子太啰嗦，
论证里例子没有展开，纯属个人意见

2.15  独立  https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1332678-2-1.html

yangwanggaussUID: 3251991

21日独立：
As society develops, televisions become an indespensible part of people's daily life. Now children's overexposure to televisions may have an influence on their performances at school, which makes their parents worried. Some parents suggest that kids' time of watching television should be limited. From my perspective, this measurement does good to their children's growth and it is of vital significance.

Addiction to television costs teenagers a large amount of time, which is supposed to be spent reviewing their acquired knowledge or staying with their friends. According to the research, everyone starts to forget what he learned just after a few minutes, and the most effective way to keep these memories is to review in time. As a result, every teenager needs to allocate adequate time for their studies. If a kid is addicted to television, the time of going over their knowledge will not be guarenteed. Also, friendship is vital to kids' growth. Staying with their friends, children talk and play with their contemporaries instead of watching television alone at home, which is helpful to the formation of the abilities such as communication and cooperation.

Over-exposed to television, teenagers may be aware of something harmful to them, for example, violence scenes. At the first sight of  these scenes, each children is shocked and has a deep impression on violence, which is nightmare to their mental health. Several unhealthy stimulates may lead to some kids' tendency of violence behavior. Then a small group of them may intimate these violence actions, which has a negative effect on their behavior and increases teenager crimes.

Adimittedly, there are some television programs which is beneficial to children's growth. These television programs can broaden kids' horizons or arise their interest in arts or science undoubtfully. However, the quality of these programs cannot always be guarenteed and the quantity of them makes up a small proportion of all television programs. On the contrary, the benenfits of books obviously outweigh television programs. The books are classified carefully whose quality is checked by the press and abundant. Moreover, the habit of reading contributes to the formation of their values, which helps them to pursuit happiness of life.

In conclusion, it is wise for parents to limit their kids' time of watching television, not only for the protection of children's  adolescences, but also pave the way for their promising future.

小群群UID: 3091805

:)