【Daily Writing作文特训小组】下垂眼之兔的惨淡作业

佐左927UID: 3229248

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1333921&extra=
我的2.29独立地址~:)

佐左927UID: 3229248

兔子~你的作文我改好了。我现在的权限还上传不了word文档，你在写作群里Q我，我把文件传给你。

下垂眼之兔UID: 3249047

17# 佐左927
啊 。。我才看见 我说呢。。。。。。。可是我没加写作群啊

下垂眼之兔UID: 3249047

墨迹半天唉。。好像又写跑了 我好桑心

下垂眼之兔UID: 3249047

3月7日综合  第一次写综合 好费劲。。。
TPO3

猫屎咖啡加冰否UID: 3214093

3月6日 101009NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Peoplecan take care of their family members better when they livein big cities thanin the countryside.

[Advanced living standard, education ,environment and other disparity我觉得这句比较高级]Good serves[service],advanced technology and education, the big cities seems perfect[provide] for us. Due[to] these advantages, a growing number of people move[rush] to big cities. [这里可以用到装，strongly they believe]And they strongly believe that[去that] we[they can] do better in[去in] taking care of our family members[加when they living in big cities] rather than [去the time we] living in the countryside. However, I can not fully approve ofthis notion.

In my opinion, we can not have enough timewith our families since we work harder in big cities rather than countryside. Wecan not deny[There is nodenying] that big cities can offer us more position and better livingenvironment. But always remember that no pains no gains, the more you have themore you have to give up. For example, my cousin used to work in a countrysidefactory, then one day, she realized that she should go out and wide[broaden]her horizon[我觉得这里have a look of theoutside world更好]. Her dream is very simple that she wants get a higher salary andbuy a house for her parents. Two years later, when she finally realized herdream. She had no time to communicate with her parents and jogging with herson. She regret that she worked [去掉for company] day and night,though she got very high salary, bought a house 3 times bigger than the houseshe lived in the countryside. She told me that, I got everything in this city[这句话好中文。。], but I even did not know myson was sick. With these words, the tears came down her face.
In addition, the population in countrysideis far less than in big cities, which make people known[where people know each other] each other invillage. When accidents happen to my family, my neighborhood would call me. Bigcities have a lot of apartment that makes the neighbors do not know each other.Last week, a news in Dalian Daily was about a old man dead in his son’s houseand no one know it until[several weeks later] his son came back home. But incountryside this seems to be impossible, since we have friendly neighbor whocan [do us a favor to]insteadus to take care of our families.

Moreover, we can not ignore[deny the fact that education isbetter ] the good education in cities, it does better than countryside.The school has biggerplayground, better teachers and more books.[看到这句话我无语了。。。advanced teaching facilities  teachers of high degree ]  

Generally, though the city can give[provide]us better education. We have less time in communicating with our families; morepeople help us to take care of our families[这句话有点突兀吧]. So I disagree with thestatement[表反对的contradict beagainst  cast doubts on   ]that people can take care of their family members betterwhen they living big cities than in the countryside.

抱歉把你作文改很乱额。。我觉得吧，你用主动语态太多了，尝试转换句式，还有多用点高级词汇，共勉~~~
问下：词组表并列的时候用啥符号？？
答：逗号

下垂眼之兔UID: 3249047

21# 猫屎咖啡加冰否    谢谢哈。。。我都看成了，我写的乱了。。。 对鸟 什么叫做主动语态太多？

美蓝UID: 3211855

今天实在是有些事情，我明天一定给你改作文~~不好意思哈

美蓝UID: 3211855

改得有点晚了，实在不好意思哈~

下垂眼之兔UID: 3249047

今天新练得作文求虐求虐啊！

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

25# 下垂眼之兔

下垂眼之兔UID: 3249047

2013.3.27作业 3.27下垂眼之兔.doc (29 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2013-3-28 13:24:53 上传

下载次数: 2

乱糟糟

involvementUID: 3300225

已下载，正在改，请稍等

frozensmileUID: 3362752

下垂眼之兔 发表于 2013-3-28 13:25
2013.3.27作业
乱糟糟

3.27下垂眼之兔 frozen.doc (32.5 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2013-3-28 21:37:35 上传

下载次数: 1

involvementUID: 3300225

3.27下垂眼之兔（by involvement ).doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2013-3-28 23:12:57 上传

下载次数: 0

03.27 作文修改（by involvement）