望大虾不吝赐教，快考试了，帮帮看看作文吧~~感激涕零！

主语后置UID: 3210724

快考试了，很紧张啊~~~第一次写作文，好像是TPO22吧，想请大侠们看看有什么不妥的地方，十分感激！！

DO you agree。。。。：为了成功，To relate well to people is more important than to study hard in school..



In the modern world people are more likelyto do a job which fits their own interests well and are easier to succeed inone field to which they apply themselves than in the past, for a lot ofcomplete systems or policies have been established throughout the world, whateverin economy or politics. Under this condition, it seems simple enough for anyoneto make a goal in his own life in order to pursue so-called happiness: tosucceed in his job.

When it comes to the question that how tomake this goal, there seems to be two major methods waiting for you to select: Toimprove the ability to relate well to people or to study hard in school? Franklyspeaking, I inclined to select the latter.

Perhaps there are many people there arguingthat the ability to relate well to others is more important because humanbeings are social animals. It is true that everyone lives in a socialcommunity, which, is like a big net that links each other. When you goshopping, you need a shopkeeper. When you go boating, you need some friends, andwhen you go to school, a teacher is necessary. In short, everyone is unable tolive without others.

Admittedly, the advantages of the ability mayhelp you deal with the relationship with others, but, it does not mean success.In this knowledge explosion age, only by studying hard can you get real, usefulknowledge into your mind, which is a feasible road leading to success. If Jobs did not master the computer well, hewould not master Apple well.

Furthermore,in view of the fact that many people may recall the period when they justpicked their bags and then went to school as soon as they hear the word “study”,it seems necessary for me to clarify and extend the concept of this word. Theold saying “Never too old to learn” illustrates the importance of studyingwell. As you can see, studying is a long process for anyone and it is not limitedin a small circle. In fact, it involves many things which you never expectedbefore including how to ride a bicycle, how to watch television, how to makegirlfriends, and , certainly, how to relate well to people around you.

In short,relating well to people around you may render you easier to approach success ina way, nevertheless I still strongly believe in that studying hard is your bestchoice to choose since it can help you get practical knowledge and ,sincerelating well to people is just a part of the knowledge for you to study.

主语后置UID: 3210724

我顶！

jiang08UID: 2391146

简单看了一下，我实话说，中等稍微偏下吧
几个问题：
1，用于非常中国化，有很多你自己发明的句子结构。另外语句很绕，多余的东西很多。
2，用词的选择，多做做阅读对写作也有好处。千万别说make girl friends了。。。。
3，关于审题，你的第三个理由没有仔细审题，你说的学骑车神马的都不是study hard at school，是你自己定义的study。另外对于relate well with people，你没有真正懂它的意思。不只是说日常跟人相处，还包括professional networking capabilities。
4，续3，关于举例，steve jobs （写全名）完全不恰当。你有没有查过一点资料。jobs大学念了一个学期就辍学了。

主语后置UID: 3210724

3# jiang08
十分感谢斑竹！
因为是第一次写，有了方向就好了，真的非常感谢~~

jiang08UID: 2391146

3# jiang08
十分感谢斑竹！
因为是第一次写，有了方向就好了，真的非常感谢~~
主语后置 发表于 2012-3-20 21:57

嗯  加油
别看模板什么的，照着自己感觉写最好，多练练，多交流

主语后置UID: 3210724

恩~~
与君共勉~

天娇UID: 3172457

亲爱的斑竹，能不能帮我也改改啊？24就考了，发了好几次作文了，都没人帮忙。呜呜。各种没底 5# jiang08