【daily writing 作业】Flyingfie2012作文贴

iBT20120304UID??3228839

楼主可能需要背诵或熟读一些原汁原味的英文文章，在此基础上可能更有感觉。

xydxuyidanUID??3153716

准备托福一直很感动，得到太多人的帮助和鼓励了
有很多话想对你说，最后却一股脑什么都说不出，就说两个字吧
“谢谢”

Arthur2012UID??3275426

http://115.com/file/cls4bj1h 这个地址可以下PPT版的

Arthur2012UID??3275426

12# FlyingFie 已改，恩，写的越来越好了。就是有一点不足，你睡觉睡得太晚了。

FlyingFieUID??3251779

3月24日 100213NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannot acceptcriticism will not succeed in a team.



Living in a modernsociety, we can not avoid to have teamwork with others. Generally speaking, forpeople who are succeeded in their teams, they always share certain characters,such as generosity, kindness, intelligence and the list goes on. In contrast,people cannot accept criticism can not succeed in a group. Since a greatleadership associates with the ability to admit that one is not perfect.Therefore, group members can step in and help the individual throughsuggestions.


Rejecting criticaladvices from other team members can harm one's career. No one would like towork with a person, who easily gets offended by receiving unfavorable feedbackfrom others. Moreover, unwilling to receive negative comments, one isconsidered to be overconfident, in other words, self- centered, which isolatedhim/her from the rest of the team. In addition, from the supervisors' point ofview, people, that have a hard time on taking negative comments from peers, arenot mature enough to have a more important role in their unit, result inmissing the opportunity to get promoted. My friend Nancy just experienced that.There is no doubt about she was the excellent student in her university, andone of the most efficient employees at work, but she did not get the positionof department manager last year. Nancy was told, that she very often defendedpersistently for herself when other judged on her work. Gradually nearly no onewould bother to try it any longer, and left my friend alone in her own world.Taking this drawback into consideration, her boss, then, decided to chooseanother candidate even though Nancy was better on decision-making.


Without listening toothers evaluation towards oneself, can also lead to falling from beingsuccessful. As history shows us, no one can continuously having significantinfluence for the whole cooperation, as one loses his ability to appreciateothers' critique. Take Lee Zicheng, the leader of remarkable rebellion at theend of Ming dynasty as an example. Lee started to form his army force, when theMing emperor Chongzhen levied a heavy tax on his people. At the beginning ofthe movement, Lee successfully conquered more than half of Ming's territory bybeing generous and willing to hear different voices from his followers.However, this did not lasting very long. After Lee temporarily won the battleover for Beijing, he moved into The forbidden city, and acted as he were theemperor for a new era. Since then, he did not want to hear anything, but how tomake his life more enjoyable. If anybody dared to criticize on his behavior,the consequence was fatal. Ultimately, many of Lee's followers lost faith tohim and left him behind to face the enormous charges. One man alone, Lee couldnot defeat his enemy, and the revolution ended with failure.


It is clear that with notolerance to accepting criticism from others, no one can be succeeded in ateam. As it is an important social skill for an individual to be able tocommunicate and interact with other members, in order to achieve the overallgoal. However, the one that giving sharpen feedback should also keep it in arespectful and favorable manner, so it is easier for others to swallow.


(541 words)

呼，头一次写出个长篇得来。不过也够耗时的了。估计写了得有2个多小时，这要是考试，就虾米了。
准备好了，大家来狠狠地拍吧！！！

Arthur2012UID??3275426

20# FlyingFie 已改，加油！

IgoonUID??3186152

20# FlyingFie 个人浅见，仅供参考！另外，下次最好能直接写在word里面，好修改。

ilovevickyUID??2937658

22# Igoon 谢谢你详细的修改，一起加油哈，附件传不上只好直接贴了。。。。
Living in a modern society, we can not avoid to have (having) teamwork with others. Generally speaking, for people who are succeeded in their teams, they always share certain characters, such as generosity, kindness, intelligence and the list goes on.这个用法我学习了！
In contrast, people cannot accept criticism can not succeed in a group. Since a great leadership associates with the ability to admit that one is not perfect.我个人认为这里你强调了leadership,但是本文需要论述的是无论领导或成员的任何一个在团队中的人。Therefore,前面用了since表原因了，这里就不要用therefore 了 group members can step in and help the individual 用each other 指代性可能更明确一些through suggestions.- ~) A4 k' O# h, q" }, X
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3 p' S! ^# Q; X3 u5 m7 g5 @Rejecting critical advices from other team members can harm这里的harm用得有些抽象one's career. No one would like to work with a person, who easily gets offended by receiving unfavorable feedback from others. Moreover, unwilling to receive negative comments, one is considered to be overconfident, in other words, self- centered, which isolated him/her from the rest of the team. In addition, from the supervisors' point of view, people, that（who） have a hard time on taking negative comments from peers, are not mature enough to have a more important role in their unit, result in missing the opportunity to get promoted. My friend Nancy just experienced that. There is no doubt about she was the excellent student in her university, and one of the most efficient employees at work, but she did not get the position of department manager last year. Nancy was told, that she very often defended persistently for herself when other judged on her work. Gradually nearly no one would bother to try it any longer, and left my friend alone in her own world. Taking this drawback into consideration, her boss, then, decided to choose another candidate to be the manager even though Nancy was better on decision-making.) y5 e7 o! [6 v3 k6 o; d0 @' C
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Without listening to others evaluation towards oneself,我不是很清楚这个介词短语是否可以作主语，感觉有点怪，特别是你还加了个逗号
can also lead to falling(fall) from being successful. As history shows us, no one can continuously having significant influence for the whole cooperation, as one loses his ability to appreciate others' critique.这个替换很棒！ Take Lee Zi cheng, the leader of remarkable rebellion at the end of Ming dynasty as an example. Lee started to form his army force, when the Ming emperor Chongzhen levied a heavy tax on his people. At the beginning of the movement, Lee successfully conquered more than half of Ming's territory by being generous and willing to hear different voices from his followers. However, this did not lasting very long. After Lee temporarily won the battle over for Beijing, he moved into The forbidden city, and acted as he were the emperor for a new era. Since then, he did not want to hear anything用advice
比较好，否则太绝对了, but how to make his life more enjoyable. If anybody dared to criticize on his behavior,the consequence was fatal. Ultimately, many of Lee's followers lost faith tohim and left him behind to face the enormous charges. One man alone, Lee couldnot defeat his enemy, and the revolution ended with failure.. D1 s' h; C在1 d$ Z
这个例子写得很赞，充分体现你的历史功底哈哈。。。
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It is clear that with no tolerance to accepting criticism from others, no one can be succeeded in a team. As it is an important social skill for an individual to be able to communicate and interact with other members, in order to achieve the overall goal. However, the one that giving sharpen feedback should also keep it in a respectful and favorable manner, so it is easier for others to swallow.
例子什么的都写得很好，就是有时候写长句时，需要注意一下语法哦，说实话写长句很容易犯错的啦，没关系，加油哦！

FlyingFieUID??3251779

3。26 独立写作看这里

584 words 咋就彪出这么多呢，不过写的时间也长，就是了.

欢迎你来拍，狠狠拍！！！

FlyingFieUID??3251779

3。27 独立

IgoonUID??3186152

已改，非常不错，学习了。

FionainUID??3278020

谢谢分享

ilovevickyUID??2937658

3月26日 101009NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can take care of their family members better when they live in big cities than in the countryside.

When it comes to the question of place, where provides the best care for one's family, people have different choices. Some like to live in the countryside, for its unpolluted environment; others choose to live in the big city, for its convenience. Personally, I believe that it is better to take care of family in urban area, because it provides everything for the whole family members. A well-paid job for parent, a holistic education 很高级的词阿..system for a child and needed medical care for grandparents.
开头段感觉很有料,学习了.

There are many opportunities that lead to success for people, who working in a metropolis. It is clear that most of the companies have their offices in the city, thus more job opportunities. People, then, can easily find their dream jobs and strengthen skills to reach the overall goal. In return, they got more money to make their family life more enjoyable, such as taking family for a travel in Europe, dining more frequently in restaurants, or paying for a better education for their children.
这段是这样你的主题句最好开头就写出来,否则我还一头雾水,你可以直接写因为城市的物质条件更好就更能好好照顾家人,而不是像现在这样第一句写在城市成功机会更多,我还以为题目是在城市更容易成功呢.个人意见,仅供参考.

Unlike the rural area, which has far few schools, urban area contains wide range of study institutions at much higher density. Students can readily get to school without traveling long distance. This is very crucial from a pupil's point of view, as shorter time spent on transportation not only enables him to be more energetic and proactive to participate in the school activities, but also gives him longer free time to play with friends. Mike, a friend of mine, once told me that it was terrible for him to take approximately two hours on each way to go to study, when he lived with his grandparents at rustic area. At the time he finally approached to school, he felt too tired to do everything his teacher required. What is more, he could not even finish all his homework after getting home so late. This became a bad circle for him until one day his parents took him to the city they lived, where it took only 20 minutes to the school. Mike felt released that he got time and energy both for his study and new friends. 这个例子很不错,而且语法几乎没错!
一样的道理最好主题句放在第一句.

Living in a big city is also favored by many seniors, for its easy access to the well- established medical care system.就是这种主题句放在首段多养眼阿….哈哈… In contrast, few would like to live in suburbs, because it has only clinics. Despite the lack of facilities, in a matter of acute situation such as heart attack, medical assistants working in the clinic would have to transfer the patient about hundred mils away to a bigger hospital in a timely manner, life is on a risk. This would not be the case, if people live in a city. Due to the high efficient transportation, easy to reach location of health service, as well as skilled Surgeons, patients can get the accurate treatment in time. The latest questionnaire conducted by the ministry of health in China shows that in 2011 alone, more than 55% of people over 60 years old in cities satisfied with the health service, whereas only 23,5 % suburbians in the same age group agree with this statement.
这段是我最喜欢的一段!

To sum up, it become obvious that big cities provide better living condition, that suits for all family members than the countryside. Moreover, urbanite nowadays is also working hard on reducing the level of pollution to improve the living environment. For instance, the utilization of alternative energy resources for various purposes. So we can expect the even brighter future for living in big cities.
整体来说,你的文章很不错,但是提下小小的意见就是段首句一定要简明,写得让老外一看就明白.
关于你说的写作时间问题,我也是平常一写起来就没了时间控制,但是我有时会计时,强迫自己.你可以试试…..
关于文章条理,因为我比较喜欢写写随笔什么的…再加上是学法律的….所以会有想好分论点的习惯,然后再用例子去填充,就方便很多.

FlyingFieUID??3251779

第一次开始限时写了，质量与篇幅都大幅缩水，贴上来，刺激一下自己，要加油阿！！！！

使劲拍哈，表有顾虑。。

FlyingFieUID??3251779

3。29 独立