issue207 "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture...)

hehuiUID: 134334

207. "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

简要提纲：
I.        简要阐述题目涉及问题的复杂性+观点：rituals and ceremonies help define a culture
II.        方面一：rituals and ceremonies help define our identity(who we are),是从客观的身份上讲
III.        方面二：…help arouse certain group feelings(从主观感情认同上讲)
IV.        方面三：…indicate inner believes and values(从更深层面的价值关上讲)
V.        结尾：2句话总结2.3.4段

In the past, when the globe was not combined as closely as today, we may judge people's cultural backgrounds by where they come from, their nationalities, even their physical natures such as the color of their bodies and hair. However today, all those standards are spoiled by the increasing trends of migration, exogamy and worldwide cultural communications. In contrast to those apparent characters, rituals and ceremonies are rather hard to change because they are deeply rooted in the cultural traditions of certain groups and have been held on for generations.

Rituals and ceremonies remind us constantly who we are. As July 4 is one of the most important days in a year to all the United States people, October 1 also has special meaning to all Chinese people because the country came into existence on the same day in 1949. Every year the ceremony of the National Day attracts millions of people from all over China even people of Chinese nationality from abroad. Hearing the national song, looking at the national flag flying in the soft wind, watching the parade performed on the ceremony, each Chinese people once again confirms that he is a Chinese.

Rituals and ceremonies arouse a feeling of pride of a country and national identification. The ceremonies of raising national flags in global sport events such as the Olympic games are strong cases to the point. It often occurs that part of the audience in the stadium holding an awarding ceremony spontaneously stand up when a national song is played while others just watch in their seats. We may surely believe, though a little boldly, that they are from the same nation and at that time the ceremony bind their hearts towards their motherland together.

Rituals and ceremonies also indicate the underlying values of different groups. Some old Indian tribes still maintain the adult ceremony in which a young man who just reach the age of an adult should first pray to the Bear Spirit which represents the nature and all the power which nature endows them to survive. In the eyes of those tribe fellows, nature ranks the first among those they should thank to. Similarly, in a Chinese style wedding ceremony, the young couple should bow to both the parents of the groom and the bride before they bow to each other (in a Chinese wedding ceremony there is a routine of three bows: first to the heaven and earth, second to the elders, last to each other), which contains a traditional value of respecting the older generations.

From all we have discussed above, we may draw a conclusion that rituals and ceremonies are human activities which involve many aspects within a culture. They help remind people’s identities, agitate their distinct group feelings and insinuate their deeper believes and values. It largely depends on rituals and ceremonies that people become aware of whom they are and which group they belong to.

自评：
优点：全文结构很鲜明
缺点：
1.        写此文时，一看题我就没任何灵感，就先草率地写了首段，以至于手段和支持段意思不很一致（这点很失败）
2.        写作超时：490字  55分钟完成的，前10分钟都在对着题发呆没主意，郁闷！！
另外我不知道举的这些例子是不是太中国化了，请大家尽情批评
还有，我是9月15考，按我这样的水平，如何提高才有效？？谢谢大家！

imongUID: 140258

问题是出在堆砌现象，分析的东西不多。happyman和木耳写过这个题目，去看一下吧。
“第一段”的开头很好，但是最后一句并没有直接点出论点。
国歌：national anthem
body的毛病就是没有什么分析的东西，这样写很危险的，一开始我觉得应该有4分了，可是后来想一想，悬，应该说清楚为什么这些例子就是支持你的论点，会好得多的。
而且identity和feeling好像区分并不大啊？恕我愚昧，我感觉似乎说的是同一个东西，或者你可以给出更精确的分析和定义。

你的文笔很不错，思路也有新颖的东西，希望你也多多参与给别人提意见，改改文章，好吗？

QQsugarUID: 136441

总的来说，还是挺不错的。
我也和你差不多时间考，一起加油吧。