issue113 拜托大家来看看

dreamflyerUID: 21967

"It is primarily through our identification with social groups that we define ourselves."


Humans were born to live in certain social groups, thus the speaker contends that it's through people's identification with social groups that they define themselves. I am fundamentally in favor of support this viewpoint.

Human beings are gregarious creatures that every one was born in a certain social groups, in which they grow up, be nurtured, frame their homogeneous value system, and be defined as one of the groups no matter how far they would leave away from them in later years. No one needs go too far to find out apt examples of the American-Africans in U.S.. Although a great deal of these American-Africans are even born in U.S., they still consider themselves different from other Americans through their identification as American-Africans, by talking, walking, gesturing, and singing in their own unique way. This is not a single phenomenon in nowadays world. Every country has its international residents from other country today. While these people are trying to be accustomed with the new environment, they have something that won't change easily in their deep mind shaping in the place they come from. People cling to their original soil of culture tenaciously because they believe it's the best method to help them identify themselves in the daily increasing advanced world lest miss themselves.

Meanwhile, globalization contribute humans to be better aware of other cultures, to enjoy the benefits from free trade and international market of labor forces and raw material, to provide convenience for working together for the globally common problems such as environmental crisis. However, globalization threatens people to lose their own orientation of their culture. People all over the world are trying to speak the same language--English, to break up the obstacle in communication with each other, are watching the same movie marketed simultaneous in most countries, are talking about the same key issue happening somewhere. People seem to live in the same village on Earth, but they could not ignore the fact that they still belong to different groups. For this reason, they speak the same language at the purpose to introduce more people with their own culture; they watch the same movie to compare it with the original works and cherish the wish to catch up with it someday; they talk about the same issue standing back with different stance as their groups would take. All of these and more similar others are the truth behind the ostensible homogeneity all over the world.

After all, the identification of groups is indispensable as human nature. All of humans wish they would have a happy family, which is the miniature of the craving for the identification of a larger group. Individuals are somehow solitary in their minds for they could never know exactly any other's thoughts beside themselves, and they would never expect the future exactly with the limitation of time. In order to tear apart the sense of helpless solitary, they must look for a harbor for them to shelter in. Thus the necessity of homes and the larger groups appears. This is not shame to concede. Without the consolidate back, no one would go far.

To sum up, human beings are indeed through identification of groups to define themselves, which is not only the way to locate themselves in the world, but the human nature to find themselves the sense of safety. And with it, human beings are encouraged to go anywhere to conquer any difficulties as they have been intrepid deep in minds.

happyman2000UID: 136936

今天写了两篇作文，太累了，明天看你这篇！

angle123UID: 105697

写得挺好,用词与构思都不错,不过第三段好象有点远

dreamflyerUID: 21967

先谢过happyman，嘻嘻。谢谢angel。是，我就是写高考作文害的，乱扯：P angel你有什么具体建议嘛？
我想现在还没考的xdjm都不用改的太细，大概指出问题在哪儿就好。

gambellUID: 122696

Humans were born to live in certain social groups, thus the speaker contends that it's through people's identification with social groups that they define themselves. I am fundamentally in favor of support (in favor of 后面是不是doing啊？？我不肯定，感觉像) this viewpoint.

Human beings are gregarious creatures that every one was (时态混乱？) born in a certain social groups, （后面令起一句会比较简练，漂亮，硬挂在这里反而很别扭）in which they grow up, be nurtured, frame their homogeneous value system, and be defined as one of the groups no matter how far they would leave away from them in later years.（be动词的放在一起） No one needs （to）go too far to find out apt examples of the American-Africans in U.S.. Although a great deal of these American-Africans are even born in U.S., they still consider themselves different from other Americans through their identification as American-Africans, by talking, walking, gesturing, and singing in their own unique way. This is not a single phenomenon in nowadays（是副词） world. Every country has its international residents from other country（countries）today. While these people are trying to be accustomed with the new environment, they have something that won't change easily in their deep mind shaping in the place they come from. People cling to their original soil of culture tenaciously because they believe it's the best method to help them identify themselves in the daily increasing advanced world lest miss themselves.
非常不错，感觉很漂亮，只是我觉得social group 和 nation 之间还是有点区别，也可能重叠，看其他高人的意见吧。

Meanwhile, globalization contribute（contributes） humans to be better aware of other cultures, to enjoy the benefits from free trade and international market of labor forces and raw material, to provide convenience for working together for the globally common problems such as environmental crisis. However, globalization threatens people to lose their own orientation of their culture. People all over the world are trying to speak the same language--English, to break up the obstacle in communication with each other, are watching the same movie marketed simultaneous in most countries, are talking about the same key issue happening somewhere. People seem to live in the same village on Earth, but they could not ignore the fact that they still belong to different groups. For this reason, they speak the same language at the purpose to introduce more people with their own culture; they watch the same movie to compare it with the original works and cherish the wish to catch up with it someday; they talk about the same issue standing back with different stance as their groups would take. All of these and more similar others are the truth behind the ostensible homogeneity all over the world.

After all, the identification of groups is indispensable as human nature. All of humans wish they would have a happy family, which is the miniature of the craving for the identification of a larger group. Individuals are somehow solitary in their minds for they could never know exactly any other's thoughts beside themselves, and they would never expect the future exactly with the limitation of time. In order to tear apart the sense of helpless solitary, they must look for a harbor for them to shelter in. Thus the necessity of homes and the larger groups appears. This is not shame to concede. Without the consolidate back, no one would go far.

To sum up, human beings are indeed through identification of groups to define themselves, which is not only the way to locate themselves in the world, but the human nature to find themselves the sense of safety. And with it, human beings are encouraged to go anywhere to conquer any difficulties as they have been intrepid deep in minds.

语言很好啊，观点较新。可是我这个人是个死脑筋，老觉得特别是3段写的有点偏，我觉得个人之所以能够通过对一个团体的认识来定义自己就好比，你认同共产党，那你就同时定义了自己是一个社会主义的拥护者，作为绿色组织的一员，同时说明了自己是一个爱护环境的人。我就是从这方面来思考的，而且是反驳，可能不太好借鉴。顶一顶

今天看了2篇落，解放了，哈哈

happyman2000UID: 136936

1，in nowadays world好像不对，nowadays是副词;
2，be accustomed with the new environment 用be acquainted with;
3，increasing advanced,应该把increasing改称副词。
4，第三段讲的全球化对个体文化的影响好像与你的主题意思相关性不大。
5，第四段与主体相关，但总觉得对支持你的论点帮助不是太大。只是说明了个人对集体的需要，但这种需要如何转化为define oneself没有说明。
6，其它的很好了，语言流畅，论述有利，特别是第二段，非常好。

dreamflyerUID: 21967

谢谢happyman！这个题目到了现在，自己更不知道该怎么写了。。。你有什么看法？

feier521UID: 109747

写的很不错，用词很漂亮（可能和本人一样:)）
我觉得第三段是不是换一换位置？
1人生来就在groups里，确定了自己的身份（你的第2段）
2 后天的，人有一种需求去通过group to define themselves去需求a sense of belonging 和摆脱solitude（第4段）
3 然后可以说说，全球化的影响（是有点偏）

Humans were born to live in certain social groups, thus the speaker contends that it's through people's identification with social groups that they define themselves. I am fundamentally in favor of support（supporting） this viewpoint.

Human beings are gregarious creatures that every one was born in a certain social groups, in which they grow up, be nurtured, frame their homogeneous value system, and be defined as one of the groups no matter how far they would leave away from them in later years. No one needs go too far to find out apt examples of the American-Africans in U.S.. Although a great deal of these American-Africans are even born in U.S., they still consider themselves different from other Americans through their identification as American-Africans, by talking, walking, gesturing, and singing in their own unique way. This is not a single phenomenon in nowadays(today’s) world. Every country has its international residents from other country today. While these people are trying to be accustomed with the new environment, they have something that won't change easily in their deep mind shaping in the place they come from. People cling to their original soil of culture tenaciously because they believe it's the best method to help them identify themselves in the daily increasing advanced world lest miss themselves.

Meanwhile, globalization contribute(s) humans to be better aware of（contributes to humans' better awareness of如何？to 后面接名词和动名词好像） other cultures, to enjoy the benefits from free trade and international market of labor forces and raw material, to provide convenience for working together for the globally common problems such as environmental crisis. However, globalization threatens people to lose their own orientation of their culture. People all over the world are trying to speak the same language--English, to break up the obstacle in communication with each other, are watching the same movie marketed simultaneous(ly) in most countries, are talking about the same key issue happening somewhere. People seem to live in the same village on Earth, but they could not ignore the fact that they still belong to different groups. For this reason, they speak the same language at the purpose to introduce more people with their own culture; they watch the same movie to compare it with the original works and cherish the wish to catch up with it someday; they talk about the same issue standing back with different stance as their groups would take. All of these and more similar others are the truth behind the ostensible homogeneity all over the world.

After all, the identification of groups is indispensable as human nature. All of humans wish they would have a happy family, which is the miniature of the craving for the identification of a larger group. Individuals are somehow solitary in their minds for(in that) they could never know exactly any other's thoughts beside themselves, and they would never expect the future exactly with the limitation of time. In order to tear apart the sense of helpless solitary(solitude), they must look for a harbor for them to shelter in. Thus the necessity of homes and the larger groups appears. This is not shame to concede. Without the consolidate(consolidated) back, no one would go far.

To sum up, human beings are indeed through identification of groups to define themselves(句式不对are through?), which is not only the way to locate themselves in the world, but the human nature to find themselves the sense of safety. And with it, human beings are encouraged to go anywhere to conquer any difficulties as they have been intrepid deep in minds.

hehuiUID: 134334

提一个很宏观的问题：

注意到你的二、三两个展开段的逻辑结构了吗，就是典型的中国思维的演绎式，即先铺垫背景再一步一步推，最后一、两句下决定性的结论。我认为这是不符合GRE逻辑标准的。

虽然没有固定的西方逻辑模式可循，但让别人一眼就能了解一段的主题是很重要的。一个可行的办法就是主题句，而且是用词很经济的主题句，即不要长，但一定要总领本段并一针见血地点出你的观点。

dreamflyerUID: 21967

谢谢feier，我经常写着写着想起来了就调整段落结构的：P 因为是没有写提纲硬上的：（
你怎么到哪儿都关注人家女孩子p不p啊，上次在哪儿不是imong都批过你了嘛，嘿嘿～～～
谢谢hehui。对，我本来想不写主题句以区别模板，现在发现好像也不算好办法～，还是写主题句好了………………