Argument 99求拍

rainystarwowUID: 3157773

99. The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

提纲：
1.作者需要提供特定证据说明C地十岁以下人口比例在下降。作者只给出了一个全国性的调查说明全国十岁以下人口比例在下降，这个全国性调查的调查范围是否包括C地，我们并不知道。有可能全国的比例在下降，而C地十岁以下人口的比例不变甚至是上升了。
2.作者需要提供特定证据说明儿童书籍的需求会减少。就算C地十岁下孩子人口的比例下降了，也不能说明儿童书籍的需求会减少。有可能虽然人口比例下降了，但想购买儿童书籍的人增多了。
3.作者需要提供证据说明是去取消孩子书更合适，而不是取消其他种类的书。（未写）
4.作者需要额外证据说明将儿童书籍部分换成咖啡厅，可以带来利润的增长，并且避免BB的竞争。即使应该取消孩子类图书，而换成咖啡厅不一定会带来利润的增长。利润受收入和成本两个方面的影响。首先将儿童书籍部分改成咖啡厅，需要大量的成本。而且改成咖啡厅之后收入也不一定会增加，有可能C地的居民不喜欢喝咖啡而喜欢喝茶。这样子利润就不会增长。


It might seem logical, at first glance, to agree with the argument in Monarch Book’s manager's recommendation that sales of children's books in Collegeville are likely to decline and perhaps even that Monarch Books can get more profits and avoid Book and Beanan's competition by substituting a cafe for its children's book section. However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, we need to have a significant amount of additional evidence. The argument could end up being much weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid. In order to make that decision, we need to know more then analyze what we learn.

The first piece of evidence that we would need in order to evaluate manager’s claims is information about whether or not the percentage of people below age ten has a considerable decline. According to this recommendation, the manager simply gives a recent national census data which illustrates that proportion of the population under 10 year's old has decreased. However, it is possible that the proportion in Collegevilla has not diminished and even increased. For example, if we have evidence that the recent national census doesn't include Collegevilla and that in recent years people in Collegevilla have such more babies than ever before that percentage of people below 10 year's old has augmented, it would certainly weaken the manager’s argument.

Another piece of evidence that might help us evaluate this claim involves whether sales of children's books will decrease or not. Even if the proportion of people below age ten diminished, we cannot conclude that sales of children's book will decline. It may be true that sales of children's book would not decrease if we have evidence that although percentage of children had a significant decline, the number of people who would like to purchase children's book increased. In that case, the manager's argument would be seriously weakened.

It is slightly more difficult to discuss the evidence we might need in order to evaluate the more interesting claims in the manager’s recommendation, namely that Monarch Books can augment profits by substituting a cafe for its children's book section. Even if that Monarch Books need to replace its children's book section with a cafe, the manager need more evidence to make a conclusion that it can get more profits. As we all know, profits depend on both income and cost. It is possible that substituting a cafe for its children's book section requires lots of money and that people in Collegevilla prefer tea to coffee. In this case, Monarch Books would not increase profits. Any above evidence would clearly undermine the manager’s argument.

Clearly, then, we need to have additional evidence in order to get a more complete understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of the manager’s recommendation. We need to know about the national census data, whether or not proportion of children has diminished. We also need to know about whether sales of children's book will decrease or not. And we really need a lot more information if we want to increase profits and avoid competition from Book and Bean.

我系只喵UID: 3234462

提纲：
1.作者需要提供特定证据说明C地十岁以下人口比例在下降。作者只给出了一个全国性的调查说明全国十岁以下人口比例在下降，这个全国性调查的调查范围是否包括C地，我们并不知道。有可能全国的比例在下降，而C地十岁以下人口的比例不变甚至是上升了。
2.作者需要提供特定证据说明儿童书籍的需求会减少。就算C地十岁下孩子人口的比例下降了，也不能说明儿童书籍的需求会减少。有可能虽然人口比例下降了，但想购买儿童书籍的人增多了。
3.作者需要提供证据说明是去取消孩子书更合适，而不是取消其他种类的书。（嗯，我之前根本就没有想到这点，不过看起来也挺难下笔的~）
4.作者需要额外证据说明将儿童书籍部分换成咖啡厅，可以带来利润的增长，并且避免BB的竞争（嗯，我没有想到避免竞争~~）。即使应该取消孩子类图书，而换成咖啡厅不一定会带来利润的增长。利润受收入和成本两个方面的影响（哎呀哎呀，我居然忘了张网络课堂里的重要内容，想了一堆不切合实际的东西，掩面。。。。）。首先将儿童书籍部分改成咖啡厅，需要大量的成本。而且改成咖啡厅之后收入也不一定会增加，有可能C地的居民不喜欢喝咖啡而喜欢喝茶。这样子利润就不会增长。
It might seem logical, at first glance, to agree with the argument in Monarch Book’s manager's recommendation that sales of children's books in Collegeville are likely to decline and perhaps even that Monarch Books can get more profits and avoid Book and Beanan's competition by substituting a cafe for its children's book section.（嗯，避免竞争这点很好，但是你上面所写的应该属于原文结论复述，可是文中根本没有提及这点） However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, we need to have a significant amount of additional evidence. The argument could end up being much weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid. In order to make that decision, we need to know more then analyze what we learn.（However以后纯属三个字“假大空”，看了寄托上追星剑里面提及的有关A的那三篇文章，还是不要用这种句子比较好吧？）

The first piece of evidence that we would need in order to evaluate manager’s claims is information about whether or not
（啊啊，我居然连这个词都没想到~~~T_T）the percentage of people below age ten has a considerable decline. According to this recommendation, the manager simply gives a recent national census data which illustrates that proportion of the population（和前面显得有点重复，children） under 10 year's（？） old has decreased. However, it is possible that the proportion in Collegevilla has not diminished and even increased. For example, if we have evidence that the recent national census doesn't include Collegevilla and that in recent years people in Collegevilla have such more babies than ever before that percentage of people below 10 year's old has augmented, it would certainly weaken the manager’s argument. （我觉得你这段没有说清楚一个重要问题，那就是全国平均数据和地方个体之间的关系，仅仅说：作者给了一个全国数据，但C不一定下降。为什么C不一定下降？？可能我脑残，没看出来）

Another piece of evidence that might help us evaluate this claim involves whether sales of children's books will decrease or not. Even if the proportion of people below age ten diminished, we cannot conclude that sales of children's book will decline. It may be true that sales of children's book would not decrease if we have evidence that although percentage of children had a significant decline, the number of people who would like to purchase children's book increased. In that case, the manager's argument would be seriously weakened.（这段话看着我眼晕，可能是英文太差，感觉就像没证据。问题同上，是否应该说说是什么证据证明为减少，没证据等同不可行。）

It is slightly more difficult to discuss the evidence we might need in order to evaluate the more interesting claims in the manager’s recommendation, namely that Monarch Books can augment profits by substituting（哎呀，我一直在想代替这个词呢，怎么就没想到这个~~~） a cafe for its children's book section. Even if that Monarch Books need to replace its children's book section with a cafe, the manager need more evidence to make a conclusion that it can get more profits. As we all know, profits depend on both income and cost. It is possible that substituting a cafe for its children's book section requires lots of money and that people in Collegevilla prefer tea to coffee. In this case, Monarch Books would not increase profits. Any above evidence would clearly undermine the manager’s argument.

Clearly, then, we need to have additional evidence in order to get a more complete understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of the manager’s recommendation. We need to know about the national census data, whether or not proportion of children has diminished. We also need to know about whether sales of children's book will decrease or not. And we really need a lot more information if we want to increase profits and avoid competition from Book and Bean.（用排比来总结）
求回拍！！！

我系只喵UID: 3234462

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
“Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children’s books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children’s books are likely to decline. By replacing its children’s books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean.
“Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.”
数据信息类：全国儿童减少，不等于该处儿童减少，工业区，年轻人多，生娃多，且年龄小
推理过程漏洞：再说了，10岁以下儿童数量的减少≠儿童书的数量减少，现在生活好，人们有更多的钱买东西陶冶情操（马斯洛金字塔）;
推理过程漏洞：将儿童书改为咖啡屋，一定能赚钱！盈利有许多因素组成
  At the first glance of the evidence provided by the author, it may be true that Monarch Books can make more profit by means of following the example of Book and Bean, which is building a café, and sacrificing the children’s books section for it. However in the devoid of more convinced information, we cannot accept the recommendation comes from an unconvincing national census data and imitating the pattern of Book and Bean.
  My main reason, conspicuous and ubiquitous, are relate to the statistic that the average decline in children’s population does not necessarily means fewer children stay in Collegeville than ever before. The words ‘average’ is an overall tendency and plenty of factors contribute to it. An industry area, for instance, where is urgently need young adults to provide fresh blood for the production, is likely to have more children than one who boosts its economy based on travelling. As a result, the manager should focus on local situation when recommending the replacement.
  Moreover, in spite of whether the quantity of children in this area have decreased, the shrinking quantity of children under 10 does not equals to the decreasing sales of their books. Just as Maslow’s hierarchical pyramid points out that with the development of society, what parents can provides for children is not only essential need to survival, such as the needs for food, water, and sleep. Children are gaining more higher-hierarchical substances, like meeting physiological needs by reading more books. That is to say the sales of children books may not decline and even increase, though there are few children than before. Unless the manager can confirm the deceasing of sales by direct statistics, replacing the children’s book section with café will be by no means a wise practice.
  The holes of the statistics mentioned above come to another equally essential reason, which is turning the children’s book section into a café does not predict making fortune. Supposing the Monarch Books destroyed the tastes of coffee due to lack of experience and a startbark lies next to it. Perhaps most people prefer to choose the later. What about people in Collegeville hate the bitter taste of coffee? Only if the manager conducted more research to make sure whether building a café is favor by most citizens, can this recommendation be feasible.
  （改正）The holes of the statistics mentioned above come to another equally essential reason, which is turning the children’s book section into a café does not predict making fortune. To gain profit, both income and costs are the primarily elements should be take into consideration. It would not be a good idea, if the Monarch Books devoted plenty of funds into substituted the children’s section to a café, and obtained rewards after decades. What were worse, people in Collegeville hate the bitter taste of coffee. So only if the manager conducted more research to make sure whether building a café is profitable and favor by most citizens, can this recommendation be feasible.
  Enjoying a cup of coffee during reading is a perfect choice for many people, but it does mean all of us accept this. In addition, when it comes to taking the place of children’s book section to build a café, it is batter for the manager to think for twice: is it deserved to do so when taking all the factors into consideration?

billsnavycareerUID: 2517389

It might seem logical, at first glance, to agree with the argument in Monarch Book’s manager's recommendation that sales of children's books in Collegeville are likely to decline and perhaps even that Monarch Books can get more profits and avoid Book and Beanan's competition by substituting a cafe for its children's book section. However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, we need to have a significant amount of additional evidence. The argument could end up being much weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid. In order to make that decision, we need to know more then analyze what we learn.（我打字没有LZ快，所以也不敢用这种百字的开首，50字结束）

The first piece of evidence that we would need in order to evaluate manager’s claims is information about whether or not the percentage of people below age ten has a considerable decline. According to this recommendation, the manager simply gives a recent national census data which illustrates that proportion of the population under 10 year's old has decreased. However, it is possible that the proportion in Collegevilla has not diminished and even increased. For example, if we have evidence that the recent national census doesn't include Collegevilla and that in recent years people in Collegevilla have such more babies than ever before that percentage of people below 10 year's old has augmented, it would certainly weaken the manager’s argument. (个人以为，LZ的攻击点是对了，但不是develop的最好，当然有可能是表述的问题，就是一个大样本和小样本的差别)

Another piece of evidence that might help us evaluate this claim involves whether sales of children's books will decrease or not. Even if the proportion of people below age ten diminished, we cannot conclude that sales of children's book will decline. It may be true that sales of children's book would not decrease if we have evidence that although percentage of children had a significant decline, the number of people who would like to purchase children's book increased. In that case, the manager's argument would be seriously weakened.

It is slightly more difficult to discuss the evidence we might need in order to evaluate the more interesting claims in the manager’s recommendation, namely that Monarch Books can augment profits by substituting a cafe for its children's book section. Even if that Monarch Books need to replace its children's book section with a cafe, the manager need more evidence to make a conclusion that it can get more profits. As we all know, profits depend on both income and cost. It is possible that substituting a cafe for its children's book section requires lots of money and that people in Collegevilla prefer tea to coffee. In this case, Monarch Books would not increase profits. Any above evidence would clearly undermine the manager’s argument. （这段强火力展开的是很好）

Clearly, then, we need to have additional evidence in order to get a more complete understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of the manager’s recommendation. We need to know about the national census data, whether or not proportion of children has diminished. We also need to know about whether sales of children's book will decrease or not. And we really need a lot more information if we want to increase profits and avoid competition from Book and Bean. （还是字数的问题，和开头一样，段落显得有些长，大概LZ打字真的是很快，基本上我30 mins 出430是撑死了）

billsnavycareerUID: 2517389

It might seem logical, at first glance, to agree with the argument in Monarch Book’s manager's recommendation that sales of children's books in Collegeville are likely to decline and perhaps even that Monarch Books can get more profits and avoid Book and Beanan's competition by substituting a cafe for its children's book section. However, in order to fully evaluate this argument, we need to have a significant amount of additional evidence. The argument could end up being much weaker than it seems, or it might actually be quite valid. In order to make that decision, we need to know more then analyze what we learn.（我打字没有LZ快，所以也不敢用这种百字的开首，50字结束）

The first piece of evidence that we would need in order to evaluate manager’s claims is information about whether or not the percentage of people below age ten has a considerable decline. According to this recommendation, the manager simply gives a recent national census data which illustrates that proportion of the population under 10 year's old has decreased. However, it is possible that the proportion in Collegevilla has not diminished and even increased. For example, if we have evidence that the recent national census doesn't include Collegevilla and that in recent years people in Collegevilla have such more babies than ever before that percentage of people below 10 year's old has augmented, it would certainly weaken the manager’s argument. (个人以为，LZ的攻击点是对了，但不是develop的最好，当然有可能是表述的问题，就是一个大样本和小样本的差别)

Another piece of evidence that might help us evaluate this claim involves whether sales of children's books will decrease or not. Even if the proportion of people below age ten diminished, we cannot conclude that sales of children's book will decline. It may be true that sales of children's book would not decrease if we have evidence that although percentage of children had a significant decline, the number of people who would like to purchase children's book increased. In that case, the manager's argument would be seriously weakened.

It is slightly more difficult to discuss the evidence we might need in order to evaluate the more interesting claims in the manager’s recommendation, namely that Monarch Books can augment profits by substituting a cafe for its children's book section. Even if that Monarch Books need to replace its children's book section with a cafe, the manager need more evidence to make a conclusion that it can get more profits. As we all know, profits depend on both income and cost. It is possible that substituting a cafe for its children's book section requires lots of money and that people in Collegevilla prefer tea to coffee. In this case, Monarch Books would not increase profits. Any above evidence would clearly undermine the manager’s argument. （这段强火力展开的是很好）

Clearly, then, we need to have additional evidence in order to get a more complete understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of the manager’s recommendation. We need to know about the national census data, whether or not proportion of children has diminished. We also need to know about whether sales of children's book will decrease or not. And we really need a lot more information if we want to increase profits and avoid competition from Book and Bean. （还是字数的问题，和开头一样，段落显得有些长，大概LZ打字真的是很快，基本上我30 mins 出430是撑死了）

billsnavycareerUID: 2517389

求强力回拍

31 mins 420 words


21. The following appeared in an article written by Dr. Karp, an anthropologist.

"Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. This research of mine proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid as well. The interview-centered method that my team of graduate students is currently using in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures."



Before Dr. Karp spreads his interview-centered method social study to other realm of anthropology, a better construction should be built to improve his current unpersuasive statement that came from several flawed and unsubstantial evidence upon which the argument is depended.

First of all, though it is nothing wrong with the research approach in a form of interview, Dr. Karp only did the conversation with the kids in the region. Therefore, no voice came from the adults, who provide food and shelters to the off-springs, which is a vital source of information, too. It is very likely the biological parents rise their children in the aspect of mental development and other adults in the village offer food and other physical needs to the kids in the case of the shortage of crop and the lack of other living material. Without a much more extended coverage of the objects of the interview research, a simple conclusion jumps to the criticism of the previous study result that kids are reared by the entire village is not cogent.

Secondly, Dr. Karp’s study did not include the period of early years in which Dr. Field committed his conclusion. There are some possible shifts of the local environment which could cause a large change to the living habits of the people in this region. For example, maybe there is a United Nation humanity support project has been being implemented in this region recently, the food supply is adequate and every family is able to raise their own children due to this fact, against their tradition of feeding the children in group. Dr. Karp has to preclude such sort of bias to make his study more reliable rather than a lucky shot by a hunch.

Nevertheless, follow the question talked about, more sufficient evidences have to be provided to verify the validation of Dr. Karp’s approach in a longer period before the conclusion that the interview method is much more accurate than the observation solution. However, even we can assent the value of Dr. Karp’s research in the future with a more convincing explanation from him, whether his study is able to against the chasm in the varieties of different regions and finally construct a universal solution to the anthological research remains a question.

To conclude, Dr. Karp’s confidence about his own research is not trustable because of all the doubts which have been pointed out above. A further and deeper investigation and thorough correlation of his study is needed to rebuild the reliability of the study.

kinny10UID: 3007656

好和谐的气氛。。。虽然考完了下次也来改

rainystarwowUID: 3157773

2# 我系只喵
谢谢帮忙批改啊
1.原文中ward off competition from Book and Bean  应该指的是避免BB的竞争吧？
2.However 后主要是为了呼应specific evidence。貌似新G中要是时间允许的话是需要一些假太空的，这个具体我也不清楚。

rainystarwowUID: 3157773

3# 我系只喵

At the first glance of the evidence provided by the author, it may be true that Monarch Books can make more profit (profits) by means of following the example of Book and Bean, which is building a café, and sacrificing the children’s books section for it  (原文中有说BB牺牲儿童书部门来建咖啡厅吗？？). However in the devoid of more convinced information, we cannot accept the recommendation (which 这应该不能省略吧) comes from an unconvincing national census data and imitating the pattern of Book and Bean.


My main reason, conspicuous and ubiquitous, are relate (related) to the statistic that the average decline in children’s population
does not necessarily means (mean) fewer children stay in Collegeville than ever before. The words ‘average’ is an overall tendency and plenty of factors contribute to it. An industry area, for instance, where is urgently need young adults to provide fresh blood for the production, is likely to have more children than one who boosts its economy based on travelling (tourism). As a result, the manager should focus on local situation when recommending the replacement.


Moreover, in spite of whether the quantity of children in this area have decreased, the shrinking quantity of children under 10 does not equals to the decreasing sales of their books. Just as Maslow’s hierarchical pyramid points out that with the development of society, what parents can provides for children is not only essential need to survival, such as the needs for food, water, and sleep. Children are gaining more higher-hierarchical substances, like meeting physiological needs (读更多的书满足生理需求？这得读什么样的书啊？) by reading more books. That is to say the sales of children books may not decline and even increase, though there are few (fewer) children than before. Unless the manager can confirm the deceasing of sales by direct statistics, replacing the children’s book section with (a) café will be by no means a wise practice.

The holes of the statistics mentioned above come to another equally essential reason, which is turning the children’s book section into a café does not predict making fortune. To gain profit, both income and costs are the primarily (primary) elements ( which 貌似你老漏从句引导词，做主语时是不能省略的) should be take (taken 过去分词和原型也经常弄错啊) into consideration. It would not be a good idea, if the Monarch Books devoted plenty of funds into substituted (substituting ， substitute A for B：用A代替B。没见过有substitute B to A 的) the children’s section to a café, and obtained rewards after decades. What were worse, people in Collegeville hate (时态不一致) the bitter taste of coffee. So only if the manager conducted more research to make sure whether building a café is profitable and favor (favored) by most citizens, can this recommendation be feasible.

Enjoying a cup of coffee during reading is a perfect choice for many people, but it does mean all of us accept this. In addition, when it comes to taking the place of children’s book section to build a café, it is batter (?) for the manager to think for twice: is it deserved to do so when taking all the factors into consideration?

语法错误有点多，个人感觉应该多写些what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
这方面的东西。

rainystarwowUID: 3157773

Before Dr. Karp spreads his interview-centered method social study to other realm of anthropology, a better construction should be built to improve his current unpersuasive statement that came from several flawed and unsubstantial evidence upon which the argument is depended.

First of all, though it is nothing wrong with the research approach in a form of interview, Dr. Karp only did the conversation with the kids in the region. Therefore, no voice came from the adults, who provide food and shelters to the off-springs, which is a vital source of information, too. It is very likely the biological parents rise their children in the aspect of mental development and other adults in the village offer food and other physical needs to the kids in the case of the shortage of crop and the lack of other living material. Without a much more extended coverage of the objects of the interview research, a simple conclusion jumps to the criticism of the previous study result that kids are reared by the entire village is not cogent.

Secondly, Dr. Karp’s study did not include the period of early years in which Dr. Field committed his conclusion. There are some possible shifts of the local environment which could cause a large change to the living habits of the people in this region. For example, maybe there is a United Nation humanity support project has been being implemented in this region recently, the food supply is adequate and every family is able to raise their own children due to this fact, against their tradition of feeding the children in group. Dr. Karp has to preclude such sort of bias to make his study more reliable rather than a lucky shot by a hunch.

Nevertheless, follow the question talked about, more sufficient evidences have to be provided to verify the validation of Dr. Karp’s approach in a longer period before the conclusion that the interview method is much more accurate than the observation solution. However, even we can assent the value of Dr. Karp’s research in the future with a more convincing explanation from him, whether his study is able to against the chasm in the varieties of different regions and finally construct a universal solution to the anthological research remains a question.

To conclude, Dr. Karp’s confidence about his own research is not trustable because of all the doubts which have been pointed out above. A further and deeper investigation and thorough correlation of his study is needed to rebuild the reliability of the study.


感觉不错！我觉得还是要多呼应题目的要求，what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

billsnavycareerUID: 2517389

At the first glance of the evidence provided by the author, it may be true that Monarch Books can make more profit by means of following the example of Book and Bean, which is building a café, and sacrificing the children’s books section for it. However in the devoid of more convinced information, we cannot accept the recommendation comes from an unconvincing national census data and imitating the pattern of Book and Bean. （两句话还是展开的很好，没有废话）My main reason, conspicuous and ubiquitous, are relate to the statistic that the average decline in children’s population does not necessarily means fewer children stay in Collegeville than ever before. The words ‘average’ is an overall tendency and plenty of factors contribute to it. An industry area, for instance, where is urgently need young adults to provide fresh blood for the production, is likely to have more children than one who boosts its economy based on travelling. As a result, the manager should focus on local situation when recommending the replacement.
Moreover, in spite of whether the quantity of children in this area have decreased, the shrinking quantity of children under 10 does not equals to the decreasing sales of their books. Just as Maslow’s hierarchical pyramid points out that with the development of society, what parents can provides for children is not only essential need to survival, such as the needs for food, water, and sleep. Children are gaining more higher-hierarchical substances, like meeting physiological needs by reading more books.（变成issue了？反正这段我是看不懂为撒要举例子，特别是这个马斯洛理论，讲的很牵强） That is to say the sales of children books may not decline and even increase, though there are few children than before. Unless the manager can confirm the deceasing of sales by direct statistics, replacing the children’s book section with café will be by no means a wise practice.
The holes of the statistics mentioned above come to another equally essential reason, which is turning the children’s book section into a café does not predict making fortune. Supposing the Monarch Books destroyed the tastes of coffee due to lack of experience and a startbark lies next to it. Perhaps most people prefer to choose the later. What about people in Collegeville hate the bitter taste of coffee? Only if the manager conducted more research to make sure whether building a café is favor by most citizens, can this recommendation be feasible.
（改正）The holes of the statistics mentioned above come to another equally essential reason, which is turning the children’s book section into a café does not predict making fortune. To gain profit, both income and costs are the primarily elements should be take into consideration. It would not be a good idea, if the Monarch Books devoted plenty of funds into substituted the children’s section to a café, and obtained rewards after decades. What were worse, people in Collegeville hate the bitter taste of coffee. So only if the manager conducted more research to make sure whether building a café is profitable and favor by most citizens, can this recommendation be feasible.（modified后，明显语言就精简了）Enjoying a cup of coffee during reading is a perfect choice for many people, but it does mean all of us accept this. In addition, when it comes to taking the place of children’s book section to build a café, it is batter for the manager to think for twice: is it deserved to do so when taking all the factors into consideration?（结尾很不错，去模板化很到位，所以语言就显得很自然。当然总体来说，现在的信息量大概用500字不到就能表述完整）