4.28 作文求给力

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

broaden one's horizon.其他都无可挑剔 16# wuyahao159

cherish2332UID: 3135428

已改
好流畅的文章~赞~

kantongUID: 3290098

It has always been a complex and controversial issue whether it isimportant to know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn'taffect your personal lives. Different people hold varied opinions due to theirrespective ways of looking at the issue. As to me, I hold the general disagreementtowards it. My view will be further strengthened in the following discussion.


Admittedly, knowing about what is happening around the world willcertainly broad (broaden) our horizon and give us more alternatives when we are talkingwith others. Provided that your classmates is (are)talking about the nuclear leaking in Chernobyl and Fukushima Nuclear PowerPlant, and you know nothing about it. （这个句子只有从句，没有主句。应该去掉这个句号） It might be hardfor the conversation to be continued. What is more, they must believe that youare out of date and somewhat odd. In this scenario, fewer people are likely tocommunicate with you and make friends with you. Therefore, knowing about whatis happening around the world seems important to us.


However, under profound consideration, whether knowing about what ishappening around the world or not does little affect or no affect to yourpersonal lives. (这个句子的主语太长，不好断句。建议去掉whether, 加上it) [Knowing aboutwhat is happening around the world or not, it has little influence or even no influenceat all to your personal life.] For the reason that the link betweenthese events and your personal lives is so weak that can be ignored. Andknowing the events will not help you to overcome the difficulties in your lives(for 小写，前面加上逗号，应该连上一个句子，作为原因从句。去掉the reason that).Comparing to knowing events around the world, you would (去掉would
改为had) better to paymore attention to what is happening around yourself(you).


Moreover, if the event is really important, then this event (it)will inevitably be the big title of everyday news (daily newspaper).Even if you do not care about it, you will finally know about it throughtelevision, Internet or mobile phones. After knowing that, you have to go onyour own life, and nothing is going to be changed.
(这一段没有主要的topic，三句话说了两件没有关系的事。主旨说的是知道时事重不重要，前两句话在说即使不看报纸也能了解到新闻，有点跑题。第三句话可以发展成一段话)


From what has been discussed above, I generally hold thedisagreement towards the statement that （模板味太浓，可以直接说I don’t think it isimportant）it is importantto know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn't affectyour personal lives. These events around the world have nothing to do with ourlife, not even remotely.

(太多地使用原问题中的statement, 在文章中应该变换说法，用自己的话。
第二段的让步写得不错；第三四段的论点还需进一步发展完善)



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第一次改作文，不妥之处还请海涵



我的作业：



https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1354824&extra=

cherish2332UID: 3135428

22# wuyahao159

但是语言很流畅~没有什么差错，这篇的反面好难写！写的我快吐血了
正面理由又好容易大众化。。。。
考场碰到是要哭掉的--!