ISSUE128【根据批阅后的修改版】 【已批改 by 狐狸大叔】

苏梳眠UID：2717864

寄托的传奇ID唉。。膜拜大叔。。。

okqishiUID：3245371

留个名，大叔V5..

sitting-dogUID：3258650

2# 狐狸大叔
狐狸兄，你看看我这一个版本的说服力度怎么样？

狐狸大叔UID：2342950

立意和结构比原来那版好了不少
不过你的语言表达太差，一个是错误很多一个是阅读性差。

sitting-dogUID：3258650

19# 狐狸大叔
:L 被说到痛处了
我会多多积累句型，丰富自己的表达能力的
多谢狐狸大叔今天这么花时间指点~~

狐狸大叔UID：2342950

你不要想着故意用很复杂的词汇和句式，越用越弄巧成拙

AW对语言的要求是：基本没有错误（允许少许错误是因为时间紧），准确没有歧义，恰当表达（而不是过度表达）。能用10个词说清楚的为什么要用20个词说？
还有些情况用动词表现力更好点。

例如
As the increasing complexity of tasks, it ishard to accomplish a job all by oneself.
前半句是都是错的吧，as the complexity of tasks increases，还差不多
后半句至少得反映前半句暗示的变化量（增加），后半句至少得说成it is harder吧?即，复杂度增加导致更加难以完成。

sitting-dogUID：3258650

21# 狐狸大叔
嗯
这个应该是写作的习惯了
之前很少写像样的文章，所以猛地想在几天里把文章写顺了，就感觉很勉强

狐狸大叔UID：2342950

你现在能把主要明显语法错误之类的消除就不错了

sitting-dogUID：3258650

23# 狐狸大叔
我尝试着把一些读上去别扭的话修改了一下。
修改的过程中，发现其实有些话在最初写的时候是堆砌上去的，之间的逻辑连接不强。
看来，还有很多地方需要修缮。

popol1991UID：3285073

23# 狐狸大叔 纯新手插入……
我可以把我写过的这篇发山来大叔您帮我看一下么？

sitting-dogUID：3258650

25# popol1991
同围观

狐狸大叔UID：2342950

25# popol1991
看一眼可以
改就懒得改了

一木菩提UID：2390164

lz这种立论方式是新手易犯的毛病
可以看看使徒关于issue破题的文章
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p%3Bfilter%3Ddigest

popol1991UID：3285073

27# 狐狸大叔 嘻嘻，您帮我提提意见就好！

With an intensity and scale of competition rising rapidly around the world, leaders in government, industry or other fields seemingly need more sense of competition.  However, this increasing competitive trend is under a general environment of cooperation: more and more nations, businesses or other organizations have established cooperative relationship.  In this case, I think young people should be instilled with the sense of cooperation rather than competition.

Admittedly, competition constitutes a primary facet of life, as individuals within any species strive to satisfy their needs for survival, reproduction, and successful rearing offspring.  Being a kind of animal, human beings intrinsically have the competitive spirit, yet only few of us congenitally excel in cooperating with others.  Unlike competition, cooperation is a sort of art and technique that requires amounts of exercises in both spirit and practice.  Maybe this is the reason why so many disciplines, management and system engineering for examples, take pains to research how to increase the efficiency in collaborating.  Therefore, it is more reasonable that educators should guide youth to focus their energies on cooperation, and master the method of cooperation as a skill.

Next, let's consider which quality is more desirable for leaders.  As a sort of definition, leadership is "organizing a group of people to achieve a common goal".  This explanation implies that a leader would not compete with others all the time, but always have to organize a group of people.  It is true for NGOs or charitable organizations: competing with each other could be irrational for them because they share a common goal -- to improve this world.  Additionally, apart from many cooperative relationships between nations or industries, within a single organization, a leader have to possess the skills to create and maintain a positive working environment, and to motivate the team members to take a positive approach to work and be highly committed.  This is a tough task that essentially requires a strong sense of cooperation.

Finally, the increasingly competitive world is actually under an atmosphere of cooperation.  Look at such groups in competing with each other: nations set proactive foreign policies for self-developments, businesses are interdependent for more profits, and researchers share the latest achievements for making breakthrough.  All of these prove that cooperation, in fact, does not in contrast to competition, and vice versa.  Moreover, appropriate amount of competition inside or outside from a organization could efficiently make it energized and develop healthily.  After all, cooperation is the base of these benefits; if in a background of intensified competition, there would be fewer mutual improvements and benefits and thus would diminish the overall efficiency.  In this scenario, required to build the cooperative framework in various platforms, leaders themselves have to master the art of cooperating.

To wrap up, competition alone could be beneficial only in a suitable extent; however, based on the ground of cooperation, this extent would always been controlled around the optimal level.  What's more, since people intrinsically have the sense of competition, leaders, as the bellwethers in a high level, ought to master the art of cooperation.  In conclusion, by being instilled with the cooperative spirit, youth would have more likelihood to be outstanding leaders in government, industry, or other fields.

狐狸大叔UID：2342950

All of these prove that cooperation, in fact, does not in contrast to competition, and vice versa.
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in contrast to不是你理解的意思，去查字典
vice versa在这里没必要用

To wrap up, competition alone could be beneficial only in a suitable extent
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to a extent不是in吧？

however, based on the ground of cooperation, this extent would always been controlled around the optimal level.
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相当啰嗦，based on或者on the ground
后面半句也比较啰嗦，optimally controlled都比这个好

a leader have to possess the skills to create and maintain a positive working environment, and to motivate the team members to take a positive approach to work and be highly committed.
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相当啰嗦而重复，而且应该是a leader has to.......
你这么长的句子，应该用一点从句，否则应该碎成几句
例如你可以写...foster a working environment that promote collaboration rather than competition, which motivates workers to ....之类的



话说这个题目和youth有关吗？？