寄托天下
查看: 1900|回复: 2
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[优秀习作] Issue7(历史类),感觉写的内容不多,主要还是时间比较紧张!:) [复制链接]

Rank: 2

声望
0
寄托币
271
注册时间
2003-8-21
精华
0
帖子
0
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2003-9-16 11:41:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
7 "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."(历史类)

Video camera, as one new production of new electronic technology, has been popular in many countries on the world. Moreover, increasing people use the video camera to record the excellent or extraordinary moment in their quotidian life. In the era of rapid social and technological progress, the video camera has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

First of all, the video camera provides one more direct and accurate method to record our daily life nevertheless it should be unconceivable in the past by written records. For example, as we know, all happened news of our world in this day will be reported by TV station in time while in the past it will cost several days to transfer some news to other countries. The application of video camera with the computer and Internet make people know much news about all worlds in any fields on earth. With help of video camera we can see the living broadcast of many games and news, such as World Cup of football and Olympic games. In this way, people will be able to see the TV program they like in time in their own home. Moreover, video camera will be applied into the film and teleplay so that people can see many stars they like from the TV set. With the development of society, video camera will be applied into more and more fields and more life aspects will be relative with the video camera.

In addition, with the rapid development of new electronic technological innovation, the video camera has been the main and indispensable method for people to record their social life. A survey conducted by Wisconsin University in 2002 indicated that 8790 respondents choose the video camera to record their leisure time, 2331 participators select electronic camera to take their photos of daily life to memorize many memorable instant. Otherwise, the growing application of computer and Internet will do help to use the video camera efficiently and more and more people will be glad to use the video camera by the promotion of quality of people. So the video camera will become the most method to record people's social life instead of common record method.

Admittedly, many abstract and notional things can hardly be recorded by video camera, such as people's thinking and theory produced by many scientists. Notwithstanding video camera has many merits of recording people's daily and social life, abstract thinking and theory should be recorded by hand. So in a way, the written record also should be one important and indispensable way to used by modern people.

In conclusion, in contemporary life the video camera has been increasing became a more important form of documentation although the written records also should be hardly ignored.
0 0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 2

声望
1
寄托币
206
注册时间
2002-8-25
精华
0
帖子
0
沙发
发表于 2003-9-16 20:43:10 |只看该作者
7 "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."(历史类)

Video camera, as one new production of new(有点多余把?而且扎眼,重复) electronic technology, has been popular in many countries on(in) the world. Moreover, increasing people use the video camera to record the excellent or extraordinary moment in their quotidian life. In the era of rapid social and technological progress, the video camera has become a more important form of documentation than written records.

First of all, the video camera provides one more direct and accurate method to record our daily life nevertheless(改成一个定语从句要好一些,因为后面的实际是接着主句在说) it should be unconceivable in the past by written records. For example, as we know, all happened news of our world in this day will(can 是不是好一点?) be reported by TV station in time while in the past it will cost several days to transfer some news to other countries. The application of video camera with the computer and Internet make people know much news about all worlds(感觉不对,就算用也不该是复数吧) in any fields on earth. With help of video camera we can see the living broadcast of many games and news, such as World Cup of football and Olympic games. In this way, people will be able to see the TV program they like in time in their own home. Moreover, video camera will be applied into the film and teleplay so that people can see many stars they like from the TV set. With the development of society, video camera will be applied into more and more fields and more life aspects (of life)will be relative with the video camera.

In addition, with the rapid development of new electronic technological innovation(不知道革新的快速发展说不说得通), the video camera has been the main and indispensable method for people to record their social life. A survey conducted by Wisconsin University in 2002 indicated that 8790 respondents choose the video camera to record their leisure time, 2331 participators select electronic camera to take their photos of daily life to memorize many memorable instant.(不知道是不是你编的,我以后看来也要编几个试式,要有调查总数哦) Otherwise(表示另外还是不要用这个的好,看起来像转折), the growing application of computer and Internet will do help to use the video camera efficiently and more and more people will be glad to use the video camera by(along with好不好一点呢?) the promotion of quality of people. So the video camera will become the most(最怎么样?最多可说不通) method to record people's social life instead of common record method.

Admittedly, many abstract and notional things can hardly be recorded by video camera, such as people's thinking and theory produced by many scientists. Notwithstanding video camera has many merits of recording people's daily and social life, abstract thinking and theory should be recorded by hand. So in a way, the written record also should be one important and indispensable way to used(要不就直接去掉to得了) by modern people.

In conclusion, in contemporary life the video camera has been increasing(increasingly) became a more important form of documentation although the written records also should be hardly ignored.

总评:第一段说优势(比较不错的说),第二段好想说的是因为优势而产生的结果
     第三段感觉没有什么内容!
文中有很多的be结构,我觉得其中很多还是改成动词结构比较好,例如become好一点的词我也想不到了

btw:我的文章放了一下午,无人问津,很是郁闷的说。奶奶的,没人改我的,我就糟塌别人的,哈哈!给你指了不少迷途的方向,到时走丢了千万别找我!想找你也找不到!撤!~

使用道具 举报

Rank: 9Rank: 9Rank: 9

声望
1
寄托币
2010
注册时间
2002-4-29
精华
3
帖子
18

Aquarius水瓶座 荣誉版主

板凳
发表于 2003-9-17 01:43:19 |只看该作者
purewolf你的文章我收到了,不好意思,最近一直比较忙,不知道你什么时候考,你不妨把文章贴出来在这里让大家改吧^_^

使用道具 举报

RE: Issue7(历史类),感觉写的内容不多,主要还是时间比较紧张!:) [修改]

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
Issue7(历史类),感觉写的内容不多,主要还是时间比较紧张!:)
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-137782-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
回顶部