issue115 还有一个星期就考了，帮忙看看吧

purewolfUID: 108461

115 "It is through the use of logic and of precise, careful measurement that we become aware of our progress. Without such tools, we have no reference points to indicate how far we have advanced or retreated."
115． 通过逻辑思维和精确的测量手段才能获知我们的进步。没有这些工具，就没有
参考点来标明我们进步了多少，退步了多少

第一段论述在科学和某些政治发面，精确的测量手段是重要的，关键的
第二段说在艺术，政治的另一些方面很难用逻辑的，准确的数据衡量,实际上政治方面并没有展开
第三段对于整个人类的进步，也很难用某几个方面作为标准来衡量，

Is it through the use logic and precise, careful measurement that we become aware of our progress? The speaker claims so. In my view, while I concede that the use of logic, precise, careful statistics is an important way to measure our progress, I insist that there are still some other aspects of progress that can't be measured by the logic and precise, careful tools，especially the progress of the whole human being.

Admittedly, in the field of science, and some field of politics, the precise statistic is always what we intend to get and is an important measurement when assessing certain aspect in given field. Using the value of GDP to sign the level of living, using the achievements of science to embody our ability to control nature, using the number and power of weapons to present the military strength of one country, anytime, insofar as we assess certain subject, we base our argument on some statistics.

However, in the fields of art, and some other fields of politics, any attempt to find a specific measurement is predestined to fail, though the precise statistics is indispensable in them. Take the music for example, compared with past, there are more works of songs, orchestras, and even they may sound more euphonious (euphonier) for contemporaries, but you can't assert that the music of today has exceed that of the past, because different ages have different values, perspective of beauty, and spirits of times, all of which can change their favors, and we shouldn't and haven't the power to use our measurement and feeling to decide which one is more advanced or worse. Thus, the number and feeling represent little sometimes

Moreover, development of society, as a whole, is difficult to be assessed with the enhancement of only one or two fields which, as many people think, have experienced progresses. For example, it is undeniable that people have made a great progress of science comparing with the past: more disease can be cured, people land on the surface of the moon, more supply of food is afforded, nevertheless, at the same time, facts such as the increase of criminal rate, the menace (manace) of nuclear war for human life, and more serious environment (invironmental) problems, prevent us from believing that we have got an enhancement.

In sum, though the precise, careful measurement is indispensable for any measurement, and even in some fields, can be used as the most important measurement, the author overestimate its uses that can be applied in any field.

imongUID: 140258

不要灰心！谁说没人改的？
等一会儿！

等了一下午不等于别人在那个时段也有空啊，对不对，所以不要着急。

imongUID: 140258

Is it through the use logic and precise, careful measurement that we become aware of our progress? The speaker claims so. In my view, （in my view和while感觉上重复。However, while...）while I concede that the use of logic, precise, careful statistics is an important way（use is way不是最好的搭配） to measure our progress, I insist that there are still some other aspects of progress that can't be measured by the logic and precise, careful tools，especially the progress of the whole human being.（logic precise careful想办法多变换表达） 两个地方都用I和that，这样一来感觉上句式使用的水平就不是很出色了。

Admittedly, in the field of science, and some field of politics, the precise statistic（statistics最好用复数） is always what we intend to get（intent to get = pursue） and （应该考虑到，先说is an important measurement... 再接 which is our everlasting pursuit不是很好吗，这样组句子）is an important measurement when assessing certain aspect in given field. Using the value of GDP to sign（indicate） the level of living, using the achievements of science to embody（不对！） our ability to control nature, using the number and power of weapons to present the military strength of one country, anytime, insofar as we assess certain subject, we base our argument on some statistics. 用了个排比，不过感觉好像不太对？光是using而主语又是谁呢？后边也不是相应的结构啊。论证也不是很有力，还有很多发挥的余地，也许只是一个让步，但是也应该写的完整才好。

However, in the fields of art, and some other fields of politics, any attempt to find a specific measurement（建议不要总是使用第三人称单数，因为有些情况下正确的使用是复数，而且第三人称单数写的时候更容易出错，除非很熟练） is predestined to fail（好！）, though the precise statistics（冠词滥用，这里不应该有the）is indispensable in them. Take the music（the music不好） for example, （这里开始已经是另一个句子了）compared with past, there are more works of songs, orchestras, and even they may sound more euphonious (euphonier) for contemporaries（用词造作）, but you（one） can't assert that the music of today has exceed that of the past, because different ages have different values, perspective of beauty, and spirits of times, all of which can change（can change的语态与这里的表达意思不匹配） their favors, and we shouldn't and haven't（shouldn’t and havn’t用法感觉很不好） the power to use our measurement and feeling to decide which one is more advanced or worse.（god，有没有计算一下这个句子有多长？改！） Thus, the number and feeling represent little sometimes 论证很没有力度，应该把话说完。首先，前边说了一个though indispensible，（当时在那里就很捣乱，削弱语气），结果后边只字不提？而且，举了一个例子，但是这个例子的关键，也就是什么东西不能量化，到底为什么不能量化，只是一句话就带过去了。没有什么影响力。

Moreover, development of society, as a whole, is difficult to be assessed with the enhancement of only one or two fields which, as many people think, have experienced progresses.（用词很怪，句子结构没看明白？） For example, it is undeniable that people have made a great progress of science comparing with the past（progress本身就是一个时间的过程，这个比较难道是说从0到1000年的进步比1000到2000的进步小？并不是吧？我觉得写法好像有问题。Human societies have progressed significantly ）: more disease（复数） can be cured, people land on the surface of the moon, more supply of food is afforded, nevertheless（大写呢？）, at the same time, facts such as the increase of criminal rate, the menace (manace) of nuclear war for human life, and more serious environment (invironmental) problems, prevent us from believing that we have got an enhancement. 没能把问题说清楚。

In sum, though the precise, careful measurement is indispensable for any measurement, and even in some fields, can be used as the most important measurement, the author overestimate its uses that can be applied in any field.
建议你还是看看精华区里边的范文吧，至少学习一下人家论证的思路方法：正面阐述，反面驳斥，举例子。关键的是怎么把文章写充实。这篇文章很虚的。

不客气地说，这篇文章想拿4分恐怕不容易。希望你有针对性地在写作思路和方法上做一些改动。

purewolfUID: 108461

imong:虽然我把你看作敌人，但你对我实在是帮助太大了
      自从你上次打击我，我就感觉进步了不少，估计明天写的又会有进步。要是没进步，我就抽自己。。。一支烟！