issue240 （plus详细修改意见，值得参考）

白色翅膀UID: 139024

240"Although it is easy to respond positively to the work of another person or group, it is far more worthwhile to give negative feedback."
Have you ever imagine that one day there is only one human in this planet------you,alone. At that time ,nobody would respond to you, praise and criticize, whatever you do.Indeed, the response from others is indispensable to both individuals and communities.And praise is always a piece of sound music, which is easy to give,however, critical comments play an important role as well------to judge the quality and to avert the unecessary mistakes.Therefore, greater attention should be paid on how to respond to others’ works.

At most times , there is no bother when people eulogize the works of the others in that it is simple to glorify rather than give the negative feedback and it will hardly weaken the relationship between people.The praise , usually , need not to be presented in a specific way.Instead, one may just glorify a person or his work in general words, which is suitable to describle many other works in this area .” Many critics describle the movies in a similar way , even with the same general phrazes, such as ‘ a good story’, ‘beautiful scene’ and ‘vivid performance’ “, said Luc Besson, the famous French movie director,”of course, these comments are seldom wrong, and they will never lead the contradict between the movie-maker and these commenters. While the critical comments evolved the special details ,such as failure to chrarcterize the role in the film and anachronism,” Thus , the critical statements  require the commentor knowing much more about the background and examing the works, which is much more difficult.



Notwithstanding the difficulty to criticize, the negative feedbak is very worthwhile and can help the work be improved later.Since one probably can not realize the errors of their statements, behaviors and works,the objective negative comments will point the blind area of themselves------the errors which are already accustomed to.”Every time we develop a new product,we will invite some customers to try its sample, and expect them to point out the disadvantages, which  we are likely to ignore,for instance ,if they have a side effect or if they feel greasy,”said Lindsay OWEN-JONES the CEO of L’oreal “and with these precious pracical advises, we are able to adjust our make-up  so that it may fit more people.”Therefore , learning from the negative feedback is an effective pathway to attain the improvement.

Admittedly , the advantage of a work and the progress that one makes deserve the positive comment,which will convince people what is right and encourage people to maintain the advantages.If parents and teachers fail to notice the progress that a little child made(sometimes the child is too young to realize what he did is right), he will not necessarily perform that well next time .Furthermore , during the education, if the parents can unit both the negative and positive comments , it will possibly turn out to be more effective to the children.-----First , the parents glorify the progress the child made in the examination , then present some negative ones, asking them to improve next time, so the praise may function in this way.

In fact, as long as the comment can better our job and daily life, no matter negative or positive, the feedback is helpful and worth taking into consideration.

hehuiUID: 134334

总评：
你的文章很注意句式的变化；但在结构上要注意的问题很多。要尽量向ETS的标准靠拢。
请你多注意：开头、段主题句
以下是根据你文章具体给出的评论：


(Have you ever imagine that one day there is only one human in this planet------you,alone. At that time ,nobody would respond to you, praise and criticize, whatever you do.Indeed, the response from others is indispensable to both individuals and communities.)  And praise is always a piece of sound music, which is easy to give,however, critical comments play an important role as well------to judge the quality and to avert the unecessary mistakes.Therefore, greater attention should be paid on how to respond to others’ works.

comments:
括号内的内容与题目无关。题目focus on positive critic vs. negative ，而括号内的内容是笼统地说人需要各种反馈。这样会让阅卷人感到你没有抓住题目重点。
首段是文章最重要的段落，每一句话都要与你后面要展开的内容紧密相关，而且一定要明确的论断或立场。

请参考以下同题首段：（尤其是看结构）

1.Proponents of negative feedbacks have long touted the advantages of harsh criticizms.However a closer examination of such negative feedbacks reveal that they can be an impediment to a person's morale and severely curb his enthusiasm and confidence.Thus a negative feeedback is worthwhile depending on the nature of the person or work.

2.I admit that it is easy to give positive appreciation for someone抯 work rather than criticizing it. But sometimes it is worthwhile to respond negatively, since that will withhold that person from performing the same mistake. As per my opinion, undue praise or criticism can attribute to deleterious effects. Thus appropriate feedback should be given as per requirement.



At most times , there is no bother when people eulogize the works of the others in that it is simple to glorify rather than give the negative feedback and it will hardly weaken the relationship between people.The praise , usually , need not to be presented in a specific way.Instead, one may just glorify a person or his work in general words, which is suitable to describle many other works in this area .” Many critics describle the movies in a similar way , even with the same general phrazes, such as ‘ a good story’, ‘beautiful scene’ and ‘vivid performance’ “, said Luc Besson, the famous French movie director,”of course, these comments are seldom wrong, and they will never lead the contradict between the movie-maker and these commenters. While the critical comments evolved the special details ,such as failure to chrarcterize the role in the film and anachronism,” Thus , the critical statements require the commentor knowing much more about the background and examing the works, which is much more difficult.

comments:
例子还是很生动的，但主题句太模糊。你是要说：to criticize, one need to obtain more information than to praise吗？
一般支持段落的结构是：主题句+主题句的解释+例子+小总结（例子为什么能说明主题句）

Notwithstanding the difficulty to criticize, the negative feedbak is very worthwhile and can help the work be improved later.Since one probably can not realize the errors of their statements, behaviors and works,the objective negative comments will point the blind area of themselves------the errors which are already accustomed to.”Every time we develop a new product,we will invite some customers to try its sample, and expect them to point out the disadvantages, which we are likely to ignore,for instance ,if they have a side effect or if they feel greasy,”said Lindsay OWEN-JONES the CEO of L’oreal “and with these precious pracical advises, we are able to adjust our make-up so that it may fit more people.”Therefore , learning from the negative feedback is an effective pathway to attain the improvement.

comments:this para. is well done:)

Admittedly , the advantage of a work and the progress that one makes deserve the positive comment,which will convince people what is right and encourage people to maintain the advantages.  
(the first sentence is too long and malstructured to understand,see..where is your predicate? try to rearrange it, or break it up)

If parents and teachers fail to notice the progress that a little child made(sometimes the child is too young to realize what he did is right), he will not necessarily perform that well next time .Furthermore , during the education, if the parents can unit both the negative and positive comments , it will possibly turn out to be more effective to the children.-----First , the parents glorify the progress the child made in the examination , then present some negative ones, asking them to improve next time, so the praise may function in this way.

comments: try to use some intro. before your example. for instance, you can say" we may find some credence to this point in the following case" or something else to smoothly link your topic sentence with your examplification.

In fact, as long as the comment can better our job and daily life,(avoid this groudless inference, you didn't say anything about a job or daily life)  no matter negative or positive, the feedback is helpful and worth taking into consideration.

comments, your generalization in your last para. seem not so match your supportive paras.

以上是我个人意见，希望对你有帮助，有说的不对的地方也请你包含。
下面是我找的一些外国学生写的同题作文，供参考：
1.from an U.s.a student
Proponents of negative feedbacks have long touted the advantages of harsh criticizms.However a closer examination of such negative feedbacks reveal that they can be an impediment to a person's morale and severely curb his enthusiasm and confidence.Thus a negative feeedback is worthwhile depending on the nature of the person or work.


First of all,children are the most sensitive to negative feedbacks.There are a few precocious ones who might take it in the right sense.Unfortunately most youngsters are very sensitive.Hence a negative feedback would definitely hamper the progress and confidence of a child.It is imperative that guardians,elders and teachers provide any negative remaks in the most subtle manner to avoid demotivating the child.The same is applicable for a tenager who is even more sensitive to such negative remarks.Of course one is not trying to imply that the child should be praised no matter what mistakes it makes.But it is worthwhile to give a more positive feedback than a negative one.


In the case of a working professional the situation changes completely.Here there are a number of factors which are at stake.They include company reputation and finance.As a result providing a more negative feedback is better for the individual.Admittedly an important factor cannot be overlooked,which is encouragement.Support at the work-place is very essential.Sadly man has more ego that humility.As a worker he is aware of his misgivings and assets .With harsh negative feedbacks his work and output might get effected.When a balanced feedback is recieved,there are bound to be improvements.However a negative feedback becomes inevitable when the member of a group is truly useless.Such cases are quite rare.But when a company repuation is involved it might be more worthwhile to give a negative feedback.


Undoubtedly it is far easier to react positively to the work of another individual.It is very difficult to point out fallacies and specious resoning in a persons argument.However,the individual providing such insight needs to be conservative in his feedback.At the work-place relationships are neutral.It is important that they remain that way for a better working environment.Hence to prevent confrontations negative feedbacks should be given as mildly as possible and with a solution.Otherwise such feedbacks prove futile.A severe negative remark with no alternatives might put the person at a disadvantage.If the negative remarks involve insignificant setbacks they need not be mentioned at all.


The entire concept of providing negative feedback changes depending on the proximity of the people involved.The closer the indivdiuals are the more negative the remarks can be.But such encounters are not worthwhile in a workplace.Although the the real advantages of negative feedbacks are apparent,they prove to be more damaging in the long run.The psychological barriers and low self-esteem it can create can be catastrophic.A more diplomatic approach is not only beneficial but it also provides stronger outputs.


2.from an Indian student
I admit that it is easy to give positive appreciation for someone抯 work rather than criticizing it. But sometimes it is worthwhile to respond negatively, since that will withhold that person from performing the same mistake. As per my opinion, undue praise or criticism can attribute to deleterious effects. Thus appropriate feedback should be given as per requirement.


Indisputably, positive admiration is an indispensable need for enhancing confidence and morale for performing task more accurately and positively. But, sometimes it is the case that people starts adulating the work even though they hardly possess knowledge about it. Thus even if the work has any flaws, it will never be determined and the person or group performing that work will assume themselves to be genius. Always, one should aware of such sycophants.


Moreover, negative feedback can be proved fruitful if it is given in positive manner and without hurting someone抯 feelings. Negative feedback sometimes plays cardinal role in boosting up one抯 spirit. Because accepting the negation as challenge, one can try to perform the opus with more efforts and attention so that it will be perfect and flawless. However, sometimes few people quote their harsh criticism for some person抯 work because of their hostile feelings about him. Such undue carping can prove to discourage that person and lower down his spirit to perform any work.


Undoubtedly, it is far easier to react with positive response to someone抯 work. At the same time it seems hard enough to find out the error in the task along with appropriate reasoning, because consequences of such criticism can be positive or negative. Hence to avoid such conflicts negative feedbacks should be given as mildly and positively as possible and with a solution. Otherwise such feedbacks prove futile. A severe negative remark with no alternatives might put the person at a disadvantage. If the negative remarks involve insignificant setbacks they need not be mentioned at all.



In sum, it is essential to achieve equilibrium between positive and negative feedback. It is sure that responding positively is much easier that quoting negative opinion about the work performed by a person or any group of people. Sometimes it is beneficial for that person or for the company to point out mistakes in the work rather than accepting positively the faults in the work.

木耳UID: 123036

老美的文章读起来就像gre阅读,就一个意思(正负面意见都需要,但负面的要注意方式方法)但翻过来倒过去得从不同方面说个不停,而且转折特别多.

印象最深的还是用词,流畅到位;也没有很复杂的句子,朴实无华但实用准确.在网上看到有些朋友的文章,用词繁杂,句式复杂,但表达的意思却并不到位.

一般支持段落的结构是：主题句+主题句的解释+例子+小总结（例子为什么能说明主题句）

hehui的观点和我一样,我在你那篇领导人的文章里也提到过,以后一定注意一下.

白色翅膀UID: 139024

恩， 我得好想想
才回来，明天跟你们交流交流，谢谢两位，尤其是HEHUI，我只有加油了！

hehuiUID: 134334

还是说这一段是吧：

“At most times , there is no bother when people eulogize the works of the others in that it is simple to glorify rather than give the negative feedback and it will hardly weaken the relationship between people.The praise , usually , need not to be presented in a specific way.Instead, one may just glorify a person or his work in general words, which is suitable to describle many other works in this area .” Many critics describle the movies in a similar way , even with the same general phrazes, such as ‘ a good story’, ‘beautiful scene’ and ‘vivid performance’ “, said Luc Besson, the famous French movie director,”of course, these comments are seldom wrong, and they will never lead the contradict between the movie-maker and these commenters. While the critical comments evolved the special details ,such as failure to chrarcterize the role in the film and anachronism,” Thus , the critical statements require the commentor knowing much more about the background and examing the works, which is much more difficult.”

我当时看的时候觉得意思比较乱，现在看意思还是明白的，但还是有些问题让我偏离你要说的主要意思，具体如下：
1.第一句是你段主题句吧，它有两个意思：称赞比批评难，称赞不太会破坏人与人的关系。第二个意思没有在后面论述中体现，所以我认为这是个偏离。
2.如果你要说批评难，那应该更深入地把难度列出来。而从你文字的长度分配看，“批评难”的论述太少了。
3.即使不看文字长度，内容也不算很服人：我理解你是说称赞都很笼统，可以用于很多地方。但我觉得批评也一样啊，比如电影评论把，你称赞它可以说演员演的好；同样批评它也可以说演员眼的不好，一样的笼统啊。 你的这个论点如果阐述详细的话是可以有说服力的，但在这段里我认为不太充分。 所以在当初看的时候没觉得这是在说批评难，也就没明白你这段的主题。

总之，我觉得，你先把主题句点透一些，再调整一下后面的结构，争取用个排比什么的把批评难突出一下。

以上是我个人意见，有不对的地方请包涵：P

白色翅膀UID: 139024

1.第一句是你段主题句吧，它有两个意思：称赞比批评难，称赞不太会破坏人与人的关系。第二个意思没有在后面论述中体现，所以我认为这是个偏离。
2.如果你要说批评难，那应该更深入地把难度列出来。而从你文字的长度分配看，“批评难”的论述太少了。
对于以上两条很赞同， 如果不能较深入的论述，就不应在主题句提及，就像上回木耳在LEADER那片文章中说的，恩，很有道理，谢谢谢谢