咬碎钢牙，也超时了,argument 7 练习6.16

会飞的蜗牛UID??3305460

恳求各位 大神 版主帮忙看看，没时间改也行，给点建议吧，我是在略略看了《argument就应该这样写》的指导下了
什么先 搞清大前提 小前提 结论 攻击大前提 再攻击小前提，不知道我的文章 有么有领悟。。。。
不求语言了，搞个3.5+就OK了，另外宣传下我最近加的 小组：QQ236120007


The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of
Monarch Books.
We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch,
having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years,
has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of
books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more
customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the
children’s book section, which will probably become less popular given
that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the
percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow
Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books,
which recently opened its own café.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be
answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have
the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these
questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

2:01
conclusion: opening a cafe
cause:cafe will attract more customers and better compete with regal books.
sub-cause:1.regal have opened a cafe areadly.
          2.decline on the ratio of children population under ten
attack :cause: 1.破坏读书气氛2.影响其他人看书的心情
        sub-cause:1.R开店不定赚钱，及时赚钱也不一定 M也赚钱（类比错误）
                  3.儿童人数下降不定买书的人数减少（强因果）有其他因素：书的质量，价格
                    除去儿童书柜 减低wide selection

   grounding on the two facts that RB has opened a cafe and the deciline on the proportion of the children's population, the author suggests removing the children's section and opening a cafe inside the bookstore.However, lacking evidence to support above, I cannot convince this recommendation is good advice.

   in the first place ,the author suggests that openging openging a cafe inside the book store will surely increase the
competiveness with RB and attract more customers. this recommendation is ill-convinced. first of all, book store is a
place where readers and buyers can select books with a quiet environment. for the matter,openiong a cafe where people
always drink and chat with each other would probably demolish harmony environment.or perhaps the favour of dishes and
coffee could affect the reader's emotion to make a choice. secondly, constant customers think that book store
should hoard spirtual nourishment ,not actually food.by opening a cafe inside will vanish the spirtual nourishment and
even lose some high-ending reading fans.

   In the second place, lacking sound evidence, we cannot hasty believe the decline of (30min) ratio children's population
contribute to the sales in children's book. There are other factors cause to sales such as the price and quality of books.
What's more, removing the children's section would influence the book store as a wide selection for customers, which
could probably diminish competitiveness.

   In third place, the author relies on a false analogy between RB and MB. Can RB really make a profit from e cafe?Even if
RB benefits from a cafe, can MB also do that so? There is no grounding evidence and surveys and I cannot convince that
mechanically imitating the model of R.B can really attract customers and level up competitiveness.

   To sum up, only by addressing all of the question above, can we convince that the recommendation is good advice.(45min)

会飞的蜗牛UID??3305460

我晕，好多拼写错误，我打字时候 不能一次性打对单词，很浪费时间了~

fanyan229UID??3258649

貌似不符合INSTRUCTION

会飞的蜗牛UID??3305460

3# fanyan229


怎么了，instruction 我真心不知道如何写才切题？

咖啡盐UID??2973669

1# 会飞的蜗牛
The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years,
has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children’s book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

grounding on the two facts that RB has opened a cafe and the deciline on the proportion of the children's population, the author suggests removing the children's section and opening a cafe inside the bookstore.However, lacking evidence to support 【the evidence】 above, I cannot convince this recommendation is good advice.【他们为什么要开cafe呢?目的为什么不交代？】

   in the first place ,the author suggests that openging a cafe inside the book store will surely increase the competiveness with RB and attract more customers. 【这是两点】this recommendation is ill-convinced. 【怎么recommendation就ill了呢？】first of all, book store is a place where readers and buyers can select books with a quiet environment. for the matter,openiong a cafe where people always drink and chat with each other would probably demolish harmony environment.or perhaps the favour of dishes and coffee could affect the reader's emotion to make a choice. secondly, constant customers think that book store should hoard spirtual nourishment ,not actually food.by opening a cafe inside will vanish the spirtual nourishment and even lose some high-ending reading fans.


   In the second place, lacking sound evidence, we cannot hasty believe the decline of (30min) ratio children's population contribute to the sales in children's book. There are other factors cause to sales such as the price and quality of books. What's more, removing the children's section would influence the book store as a wide selection for customers, which could probably diminish competitiveness.【这段的论证就不够给力了。题目中给出的数据是指全国性的调查显示10岁以下的读者群体减少，但是并不能证明这家店的儿童读物会下降。另外，孩子不可能是一个人去的，总是会有家长的陪伴，去掉儿童读物会失去这部分成人读者群体，与吸引更多的顾客是背道而驰的。】

   In third place, the author relies on a false analogy between RB and MB. Can RB really make a profit from e cafe?Even if RB benefits from a cafe, can MB also do that so【the same】? There is no grounding evidence and surveys and I cannot convince that mechanically imitating the model of R.B can really attract customers and level up competitiveness.【同样这块的论证很薄弱。为什么RB的成功不代表MB也会成功。同样RB开了cafe能否获利，这些都是question，需要去回答，注意详细的分析，也就是explain。】

   To sum up, only by addressing all of the question above, can we convince that the recommendation is good advice.【这段就有些硬套了，上面根本没加到什么问题和回答。在最后一段还要重新梳理一遍文章的逻辑发展，和主要调查问题。】

会飞的蜗牛UID??3305460

5# 咖啡盐
谢谢 斑竹~
在开头段 目的我copy 漏了。。。。。
还有 开头段最后 可以 这样：however ,absent information to support this recommendation, there are many questions need to be answersed bofore we make a decision 来扣题吧~~~~~
二三段  没有有效的explain questions
自己语言润色 也确实要下功夫