ISSUE104

雨&彩虹UID: 132532

104. "It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears."

The most outstanding feature of today’s society is the exploration of information provided by different media. Cultural notions and norms are presented by those various media, waiting to be distributed and spread over every corner of the world. Any culture bears the innate wiliness to prolong and perpetuate the ideas that it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. The speaker asserts that this tasked is mainly handled in the hand of formal education. I found his claim to be misleading since he mistakenly evaluates the role of education as well as how a culture perpetuates itself.

It is understandable that education is one of the most important means of instill values and ideas into a young generation’s mind since it is them who are supposed to shoulder the responsibility of maintain cultural identity and make consistent contribution to the cultural heritage. Almost all schools provide compulsory curriculums such as national history, folk arts, etc, through which even the grades school students are aware of what is regarded as valuable characters and behaviors in their countries Admittedly, formal education tend to cultivate those ideas they favor out of their minds when the students are at a younger age since being regarded as lacking of well-shaped distinctive ability, it is sensible to first convey them what the society regard as noble. But when students enter to universities where they are going to think critically and evaluate things form diverse perspectives, it is no more proper for educators to only present the ideas that they cherish and disregard those they fear.

At the same time, different people may hold different attitude toward what the true essence of a particular culture is and universal-admitted value systems are mere the illusion of some unrealistic idealists. Thus, what the true borderline between the idea that a nations favors and it hates? Even if such a line exists, who draw it? As a result, we should endow the younger generation the freedom to decide over make the evaluation by themselves instead of instilling and stuffing the ideas that are considered as universal truth and dogmas. The function of a fruitful higher education lies in their enlightening power over the once blind mind and to over a window directed to a more broad, more diverse perceptions and understandings. The most prestigious schools in the world such as Harvard and Yale boast not of how many ideas they stuff in their students’ mind but rather how initiative and critical views students exert over the culture of America, mainstream or non mainstream alike, even if dispute arises frequently out of the different, sometimes conflicting point of view.

To supplement the speaker’s assertion, I am suspicious of whose shoulder the role of perpetuates culture lies, the formal education or other media? The overwhelming media campaigns today almost take over the task of conveying ideas that are once regarded as obligation of formal education. A multitude of social issues are being addressed in TV programs and talk shows where values and ideas are conveyed, discussed and challenged. No doubt that no matter how much freedom are granted to media, their right would not possibly exceed the national interest and as a result, the media have the tendency towards favor the ideas advocated by the society and discard those the society hates. But with the development of media industry and the reshaping towards intense focus on objective and unbiased commentaries, the scenario is expected to change in which media try their best to show people the way and then people choose their own preference.

To sum up, I find the speakers claim to be problematic since he overlooks other effective agencies, such as media, Internet, etc, which jointly take part in the role of conveying cultural norms and values. What is more, I am against his definition on how an idea in a culture is being passed by formal education. Rather than stuffing ideas that are considered mainstream and normal into the students’ mind, the true meaning of a successful education lies on how students are going to challenge the dominant ideas in the society and contribute their own part of evaluation. Discarding what a society dislike can simply lead to the ignorance of cultural difference and narrowness of students’ eyesight.

himekiUID: 112261

第一行是不是应该explosion啊

imongUID: 140258

104. "It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears."

The most outstanding (?outstanding是一个褒义词，好像这里并没有褒义的意思) feature of today’s society is the exploration of information provided by different media. Cultural notions and norms are presented by those various（those various不好） media, waiting to be distributed and spread over （？） every corner of the world. Any culture bears the innate wiliness（？） to prolong and perpetuate the ideas that it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. The speaker asserts that this tasked is mainly handled in the hand of formal education. I found his claim to be（to be 删掉） misleading since he mistakenly evaluates the role of education as well as how a culture perpetuates itself. 我觉得开头有点散。前三句话不知道后文是否有交待，但是至少和后两句几乎没什么关系。

It is understandable that education is one of the most important means of instill（语法错误） values and ideas into a young generation’s mind since it is them who are supposed to shoulder the responsibility of maintain（again，介词of后边不能直接用动词原型） cultural identity and make consistent contribution(consistently contribute更生动) to the cultural heritage. Almost all schools provide (set up更贴切语境，因为是compulsory) compulsory curriculums such as national history, folk arts, etc, through which even the grades school students are (become，应该说are是不应该用的) aware of what is regarded as valuable characters and behaviors in their countries. Admittedly, formal education tend to cultivate those ideas they favor out of their minds when the students are at a younger age (这里最好有逗号)since being regarded as lacking of well-shaped distinctive ability, it is sensible to first convey them （convey sth to sb） what the society regard as noble. But when students enter to universities where they are going to think critically and evaluate things form diverse perspectives, it is no more proper （？）for educators to only present the ideas that they cherish and disregard those they fear.

At the same time, different people may hold different attitude (diverse attitudes) toward what the true essence of a particular culture is and universal（ly）-admitted value systems are mere the illusion of some unrealistic idealists. 我觉得意群和停顿有点乱，该用逗号的时候一定不要省略，前边也是。Thus, what the true borderline between the idea that a nations favors and it hates(这句话的动词呢？大错误，忘了前边是不是也有犯)? Even if such a line exists, who draw it? As a result, we should endow the younger generation the freedom to decide over make（decide over make，太混乱了） the evaluation by themselves instead of instilling and stuffing the ideas that are considered as universal truth and dogmas.（..stuff the dogmas considered as universal truth）The function of a fruitful higher education lies in their enlightening power over the once blind mind (lies in their power of enlightening the… ) and to over a window directed to a more broad, more diverse perceptions and understandings(?没看懂). The most prestigious schools（institutions） in the world such as Harvard and Yale boast（这个词合适吗？） not of (boast not of这个语序感觉很不舒服) how many ideas they stuff in their students’ mind but rather how initiative（original? innovative? Initiative好像没有褒义的意思） and critical views students exert（？） over the culture of America, mainstream or non mainstream alike, even if dispute arises frequently out of the different, sometimes conflicting point of view.后半句用词还是不错，但是说到这里我觉得你离题了，完全说到另一个事情上去了。而且没有照应回来。

To supplement the speaker’s assertion, I am suspicious of (这里应该有一个on或者什么介词，你再看看这个句子) whose shoulder the role of perpetuates culture lies, the formal education or other media? The overwhelming media campaigns today almost take （用完成时） over the task of conveying ideas that are once regarded as obligation of formal education. A multitude of social issues are being addressed in TV programs and talk shows where（in which） values and ideas are conveyed, discussed and challenged. No doubt that no matter how much freedom are granted to media, their right would not possibly exceed the national interest and as a result, the media have the tendency towards favor the ideas advocated by the society and discard those the society hates. But with the development of media industry and the reshaping towards intense focus on objective and unbiased commentaries, the scenario is expected to change in which media try their best to show people the way and then people choose their own preference. 说理感觉很弱。通篇层次感不强。

To sum up, I find the speakers claim to be（可以省略to be） problematic since he overlooks other effective agencies, such as media, Internet, etc, which jointly take part in the role of conveying cultural norms and values. What is more, I am against his definition on how an idea in a culture is being passed by formal education. Rather than stuffing ideas that are considered mainstream and normal into the students’ mind, the true meaning of a successful education lies on how students are going to challenge the dominant ideas in the society and contribute their own part of evaluation. Discarding what a society dislike can simply lead to the ignorance of cultural difference and narrowness of students’ eyesight.
还有一个提醒，注意用he/she，避免sexist language.

happyman2000UID: 136936

哈哈！imong改得这么详细，我就不用再动刀了！
rainbow最近处于调整期，状态不是很好！但今天这篇比昨天的好些了，说明状态在回升。
建议rainbow缩短篇幅，尽量腾出时间把细节问题处理好，这样才能让人看出你语言功底的优势。

imongUID: 140258

看得出来rainbow在调整状态
希望能够早日达到最佳水平

雨&彩虹UID: 132532

呵呵,没事没事,我觉得能考完就是最大的幸运了

到时候鼓励自己一句:其实彩虹还是挺坚强的:):)

所以回去回不去也没关系.

而且考完的那天晚上我就要出门去.

feier521UID: 109747

彩虹MM加油！！6分