小的不才，请各位大神改一下作文。。。。

zypxfklUID: 3212200

Do you think young people should take several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in a long term？
       The job we will take as a career is so significant that we must make the dicision with lots of consideration,such as whether we are special at it or if it will give us a bright perspective.About the career we may take , there is a hot debate asserting that young people should take several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in a long term.I agree for the following convincing reasons.

The most important reason is that only by taking several different kinds of jobs,can we be sure of which career we are interested in and special at.Many of us are still at sea about what leads us to glory and which job will ensure our beautiful future.For example, an excellent
artist’s potential will not be realized when he or she is teaching the children in school,or it is the try of different jobs that allows a cautious detective to find that he is special at this kind of work.Therefore, the try of several kinds of jobs is necessary if one want to take his potential fully into use.

Moreover, taking several kinds of jobs helps certain people to complete their difficult job.There are several kinds of jobs require people have comprehensive span of knowledge because there particular job.As for the director of a band, he has to know about the properties of all the instruments so that he can direct the band freely.When it comes to politician, never will he be elected bofore he has been doing several kinds of political jobs ,which means that he knows more practical situations than others.

Adimitedly, some people only take one job
and stick to it their whole lives ,just like Bill Gates ,the founder of Microsoft .When he choosed to establish the company ,he already knew that he was special at the computer and there was a promising perspective .

However, the opposite opinion does exist, but it is rare. For most of us ,the best way to realize which job will be our career in long term is to take several different kinds of jobs .

zypxfklUID: 3212200

这样的独立作文大概能得多少分？？

zypxfklUID: 3212200

The job we will take as a career is so significant that we must make the dicision with lots of consideration,such as whether we are special at it or if it will give us a bright perspective.About the career we may take , there is a hot debate asserting that (都讨论了还asserting 脑残。。。whether) young people should take several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in a long term.I agree for(believe the young people should try different kinds of jobs before they make the decision with) the following convincing reasons.
      The most important reason is that only by taking several different kinds of jobs,can we be sure of which career we are interested in and special at.Many of us are still at sea about what leads us to glory and which job will ensure our beautiful future,(so trying different jobs may helps us get abundant information about the job we may take).For example, an excellent  artist’s potential will not be realized when he or she is teaching the children in school,or it is the try of different jobs that allows a cautious detective to find that he is special at this kind of work.Therefore, the try of several kinds of jobs is necessary if one want to take his potential fully into use.
     Moreover, taking several kinds of jobs helps certain people to complete their difficult job.There are several kinds of jobs require people to have comprehensive span of knowledge because there particular job.As for the director of a band, he has to know about the properties of all the instruments so that he can direct the band freely.When it comes to politician, never will he be elected bofore he has been doing several kinds of political jobs ,which means that he knows more practical situations than others.
       Adimitedly, some people only take one job  and stick to it for their whole lives ,just like Bill Gates ,the founder of Microsoft .When he choosed to establish the company ,he already knew that he was special at the computer and there was a promising perspective .However, the opposite opinion does exist, but it is rare. For most of us ,the best way to realize which job will be our career in long term is to take several different kinds of jobs .(It is beneficial and far-reaching for the whole society that young people learn to weave the theory and practice together before they utilize the resources to make a contribution )
自己改一个

songlu87UID: 3226063

楼主谦虚了，写的很不错

zypxfklUID: 3212200

你全看了？？我是不知道自己的水平到底有多少分。。。 4# songlu87