issue171 （revised by 木耳）

snowman_winterUID: 144511

hehui dreamflyer 姐姐我仔细的看了你的建议，你说的太好了， 给我很大的启示，我回头仔细看了我的文章所以的错误都给你挑出来了，我会好好改正的。谢谢你的帮忙。

171. "People who pursue their own intellectual interests for purely personal reasons are more likely to benefit
the rest of the world than are people who try to act for the public good."

In this modern world, the developing of technology are enforced by the people who have the responsibility of the whole benefits of the world, it is their career spirit but not purely personal reasons motivate them to work hard.I strongly disagree with the assertion in this issue that my opinion is that the people who merely concern with their own intellectual interests can do little to help develop the society but sometimes
it do harms to the rest of the world.

In the academic field  people who contribute their intellegience considering the benefits of the rest of the world can act for the public good contemprary the people whoes invention or theories benefits the rest of the world are mostlyfor the benefits of the rest world when they are doing research.For example Edison, who invent the light bulb, was a person like this  puting the benefits of the world in the first place when he was doing research of finding a proper metal used for bulb filagment, under the direction of this spirit he did six hundred times of experiments.During this process a confidence that "I must find out a proper metal and give the world light in the deep night " acted always as an aim of never giving us.Further if without this condifence he maight cease to endeavoring when came across so much  failures. So it is the condifence to act for the public good that give a person a spirit support when they are doing research.   



The interests of individual sometimes confilcts with the benefits of the rest of the world, when facing this delima the people who merely interest about their own intellectual interests for purely reasons are more likely to do great harm to the rest of the world.For instance, as we all know, with the developing of clone technology human beings face a ethic  delima of whether to improve the technique of cloning human being or not, under many  firece arguments the scientists
agree on each other that we should stop this improvment of technique because it may make the society into chaos and the
serenity of the world would be disturb by this thechnique.However several  scientists who are top experts in this field
are motivated by their own intellectual interests for purely personal reasons that in their life time they want to created
a cloned human being, so motivated by this, they do the research in private without any consideration about the disagreement
and benefits of the rest world.Now  cloned human beings have already existed which leave the world a big problem to be solved
in the future. So it is dangerous for a person to act only for their own interests.   
  


In conclusion we must put more attetion to the benefits of the  rest of the world than to our own intellectual interests for
purely reasons because we must hold the truth that we are only an individual of the world only if the benefits of the
world are perserved can we have a better environment to pursue our own intellectual interests.

木耳UID: 123036

171. "People who pursue their own intellectual interests for purely personal reasons are more likely to benefit
the rest of the world than are people who try to act for the public good."

In this modern world, the developing of technology are enforced by the people who have the responsibility of the whole benefits of the world, it is their career spirit （career spirit这里用不好。career spitit包含了responsibility，同时是不是也有personal interests 在里面？）but not purely personal reasons motivate them to work hard.I strongly disagree with the assertion in this issue that （用that不太好，似乎and好一些）my opinion is that the（删掉the） people who merely concern with their own intellectual interests can do little to help develop the society but sometimes it（指代不明，用they,指代科学家就行了。do 前最好加一个would） do harms to the rest of the world.

In the academic field people who contribute their intellegience considering the benefits of the rest of the world can act for the public good （这里是不是少了句号？这种问题看似微小，影响却很大）contemprary （用副词，删掉the）the people whoes invention or theories benefits the rest of the world are mostly for the benefits of the rest world when they are doing research.（那些其发明和理论是为了the rest of the world 利益的人，他们在做研究时，是为了the rest of the world 的利益。定于从句在这里的重复有何意义？the people who do great contribution to the huamn civilization are the ones who put the benefit of the rest of the world first place.改成这样是不是好一些）For example （最好加一个逗号）Edison, who invent （注意时态，要用过去时）the light bulb, was a person like this （like this 指代不清，删掉）puting the benefits of the world in the first place when he was doing research of finding a proper metal used for bulb filagment, （改用句号，另起一句）under the direction of this spirit he did six hundred times of experiments.During this process a （the）confidence（这是一种信念，或者说对全人类的责任，用confidence不好，改用responsibility或者faith） that "I must find out a proper metal and give the world light in the deep night " acted always as an aim of never giving us（giving up 拼写错误。...an aim of never giving up信心是决不放弃的目标？不通吧？act as a strong support of...）.Further (Furthermore)if without this condifence he maight cease to endeavoring when came across so much failures. (这句与上一句重复了）So it is the condifence to act for the public good that give a person a spirit support when they are doing research.



The interests of individual sometimes confilcts（单复数） with the benefits of the rest of the world, when facing this delima the（删掉the） people who merely interest about their own intellectual interests for purely （personal）reasons are more likely to do great harm to the rest of the world.For instance, as we all know, with the developing of clone technology human beings face a ethic delima of whether to improve the technique of cloning human being or not, under many firece arguments the scientists agree on each other that we should stop this improvment of technique because it may make the society into chaos and the
serenity of the world would be disturb by this thechnique.（chaos 和后半句又重复了）However several scientists who are top experts in this field
are motivated by their own intellectual interests for purely personal reasons that in their life time they want to created a cloned human being,（最好用复数） so motivated by this, they do the research in private without any consideration about the disagreement and benefits of the rest world.（这里又有些重复）Now cloned human beings have already existed which（指代不明） leave the world a big problem to be solved in the future. So it is dangerous for a person to act only for their （单复数）own interests.

In conclusion we must put more attetion to the benefits of the rest of the world than to our own intellectual interests for purely（personal） reasons because we must hold the truth that we are only an individual of the world （又忘了句号？）only if the benefits of the world are perserved can we have a better environment to pursue our own intellectual interests.

总的来说还不错，遣词造句，单复数问题，语义重复啰嗦的问题再注意一下。

dreamflyerUID: 21967

嘿嘿，木耳这样一大刀阔斧，俺们就可以休息了……
最近好像比较少见木耳来啊

木耳UID: 123036

最初由 dreamflyer 发布
[B]嘿嘿，木耳这样一大刀阔斧，俺们就可以休息了……
最近好像比较少见木耳来啊 [/B]

我病了。。。