求大神mpromanus指点lic158的作文

lic158UID: 2972709

8.31作业





作文题目1：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The most important problem that affects the society today will be solved during my lifetime.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The most important problem that affects the society today will be solved during my lifetime.


With the quickly development of the society and the huge consumption of fossil energy, people nowadays are faced with an increasingly severe energy crisis which may be the most significant issue affecting our society. (With that 'may', your essay lacks confidence and clarity of thought. I'd recommend you to briefly reason here – in one or two sentences – why the energy crisis is, in your opinion, the most important problem that affects the society today. The reasoning doesn't need to be extremely sophisticated, but it would help to demonstrate that you've given the question some proper thought, and you're not simply trying to fit the essay into whatever template topics that you have prepared.) But, in my opinion, this problem will be resolved during my lifetime. The reasons are as follows.

First of all, varieties of alternative energy have made a large progress. ('energy' itself doesn't make any progress. The various ways of exploiting alternative energy resources do.)For instance, solar energy, which is an inexhaustible natural resource, has been used to generate electricity or produce power for a car via photovoltaic devices with which we can not only build power stations but also combine with the buildings to rationally utilize space and energy. As the cost of these devices continually decreases and the efficiency increases, they will be used more widely. Besides, the researches of nuclear energy, hydrogen power, and biomass energy are all progressing on and on. (To 'progress' is to 'go onward'.) During my lifetime, these alternative energies will be the major energy resources taking the place of fossil energy.

Secondly, the large oceans (Earth has 5 oceans by definition – the Atlantic, the Pacific, the Indian, the Southern/Antarctic, the Arctic. They are of course all interconnected, so in oceanography they can be collectively called the world/global ocean, but that's not a common term. Unless you want to refer to a specific ocean, it's safer to stay with 'oceans'.) also contains a great number of energy resources including a huge amount of offshore oil, abundant undersea natural gas, and tidal energy and so on. With technology development there are more and more marine drilling platforms and tidal power stations to exploit and utilize these energy resources. Even though the current fossil energy is used up, these marine resources will still support human development in a long run.

Moreover, people are working? hard at improving the efficiency of energy utilization such as developing more intelligent control systems. Consider an American corporation, People Power, as an example. They have developed a suit system (1. I think you mean 'a suite system' rather than 'a suit system' 2. a 'suite' is a complete set of something, so usually you won't say 'a suite system' to mean 'a set of systems', but rather 'a control suite', 'a software suite', etc.) which enables people to know their houses' energy consumption and adjust controls? such as shutting off unnecessary electric appliances whenever and wherever possible through their cellphones. They are also exploring a self-control system which can turn on or off the lights and air-conditions according to the surrounding circumstance ('circumstance' usually does not refer to physical surroundings, so 'environment' would actually be more suitable here.). For example, if there is nobody here, the system will turn off the nearby lights and air-conditions until someone comes back. (Citing one particular company's name doesn't really add much to your discussion since I don't see anything particularly relevant about the named company. In fact, in this particular paragraph, I think your argument would be more powerful if you don't cite a single company but say such devices are actually widely produced and used now, which can actually support the point that people are indeed already working hard on dealing with the energy crisis and therefore you have the hope that it'd be solved in your lifetime..)

To sum up, people must cast the largest energy (I think 'the greatest effort' would be better.) on the most important problem that influences the society in whichever era (The question specifically asked for 'today', so don't get carried away.), and they will make it finally.

总结：

很不错的文章，没有太大的问题，主要就是第一段对话题的引入不够力~~不过那是因为这个题目本身比较坑人，所以我觉得不必担心啦~~

lic158UID: 2972709

mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-6 03:49
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The most important problem that affects the  ...

    辛苦了，非常感谢大神mpromanus的修改，还会再麻烦你的~哈哈~

lic158UID: 2972709

作文题目
Do you agree or disagree with the statement ？  the world is changing so quickly that people now are less happy or less satisfied than in the past ?