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[未归类] 作文批改 [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-7-9 11:40:03 |显示全部楼层
这是俺的作文贴啊,求大家来拍一拍啊!!谢谢啦

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发表于 2012-7-9 11:41:17 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 Gyps_rueppellii 于 2012-8-4 01:24 编辑

8.3.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)
8.2.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 8)
7.26.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 12)
7.24.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 5)
7.23.doc (31 KB, 下载次数: 0)
7.19.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 7)
7.16作文 by gyps.doc (33.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)
7.15.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 0)



7.14.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 7)

7.13 gyps.doc (29.5 KB, 下载次数: 12)

7.12.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 5)

7.11.doc (30 KB, 下载次数: 0)

7.9.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 0)

7.8.doc (30.5 KB, 下载次数: 3)

为了方便大家帮我修改,   整理一下,    呵呵,麻烦大家给我作文除了细节改正,还有整体的意见,谢谢

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发表于 2012-7-9 11:43:45 |显示全部楼层
楼主可以去参加互改呀

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发表于 2012-7-9 23:21:55 |显示全部楼层
小菜牛 发表于 2012-7-9 11:43
楼主可以去参加互改呀

我是想去参加互改呢,      呵呵     但是 貌似我这一片错过了,     你可以帮我改一下吗??谢谢了啊

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发表于 2012-7-10 01:10:06 |显示全部楼层
do you agree or disagree with the following statement: children should have similar jobs with you.



As the children become the essential part of our modern life, parents consider much more ever before. I still distinctly remember my aunt who scheme all the things of my cousin. Including how to go to school, what kind of clothes he wears, what kind courses he takes, even what professional he major in. She never let him make decision. Here comes a discussion, therefore, that whether children should have similar jobs with parents. From my point of view, I assert that children ought to do same jobs as parents. Because they can get a large quantities of benefits.

The first and foremost advantage is that children can talk with me more conveniently and effectively, for the reason that we will have more same topic if we have similar jobs. We can talk about the partner we get along with, the problems we meet, how the boss manage us and so forth. For instance, my neighborhood is a family consisted of three engineer, they lead a very harmony life. According to what they say to me, they always have infinite things they are interested in to talk about, because they experience analogous working life. You can image what will happen if a family has different jobs. I think they must have less things to talk over. So having similar jobs will make our family more happy.

Furthermore, it is very good for children to have similar jobs, because they can ask us more questions and we can solve more questions for them. After all, we have gone through more than they have, we have met all kinds of matters, all kinds of people. As a Chinese proverb goes: parents eat more salty than the rice children eat. I’d like to take the previous manager of Chinese google Kaifu lee into example. his father is a manager and businessman, so when he was young, his father taught him a large number of managerial knowledge. As he grew up, his father help him resolve many essential troubles. As a result, he achieve a great success in manage affair. So I can not deny the benefit of having similar jobs for children.

At the last but not least, children can be prominent and make success more smoothly. We already have make lots of friends who work in same career, in this manner, our children can directly meet and be familiar with them. And as a matter of fact, most people we get along with well have on the prestigious position or admittedly authority. So our children can work more outstandingly under the instruction of these friends. For example, Colgate F.Holmes, whose children are engaged in hotel industry , is a great manager in hotel management. And he is close friend of many successful person. So his children are pretty distinguished in this successful circumstance .more surprisingly his parents and grandparents are hotel managers, too. So children will be in the ascendant if they have the similar jobs with their parents.

To sum up, I ‘d like to encourage my children to be occupied in likely affair as me. Because not only can they have a brighter future but also we can lead a tuneful life.

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发表于 2012-7-10 10:23:41 |显示全部楼层
Gyps_rueppellii 发表于 2012-7-9 11:41
Colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they st ...

revised 0708.doc (23.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)
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发表于 2012-7-10 10:37:29 |显示全部楼层
秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-7-10 10:23

谢谢你啊, 真心非常的感谢啊~~~~~~~~~~

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发表于 2012-7-10 16:07:45 |显示全部楼层
7.9 by Gyps_rueppellii revised by taoyangbetty.doc (31.5 KB, 下载次数: 12)
LZ,作文已修改,请过目

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发表于 2012-7-10 17:51:34 |显示全部楼层
谢谢你啊..............我会好好看的,  嘻嘻。

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发表于 2012-7-10 21:01:55 |显示全部楼层
7.9 已改

7.9 Gyps_rueppellii revised by 纯黑.doc

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发表于 2012-7-11 11:24:26 |显示全部楼层
纯黑色爱恋 发表于 2012-7-10 21:01
7.9 已改

非常感谢,昨天晚上断网了,没来及看,     不好意思啊

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发表于 2012-7-11 23:41:58 |显示全部楼层
纯黑色爱恋 发表于 2012-7-10 21:01
7.9 已改

我发现你的一些地方改得很好哦,    非常感谢,      呵呵 我10号的漏了,晚点再补上吧!!嘻嘻,

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发表于 2012-7-12 01:56:34 |显示全部楼层
刚刚才上传7.11的    真是不好意思啊!!  希望能有人帮我改啊,这篇好难写啊!! 7.10再补上吧

7.11.doc

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发表于 2012-7-12 01:57:20 |显示全部楼层
纯黑色爱恋 发表于 2012-7-10 21:01
7.9 已改

改得很好哦, 谢谢了啊       你的词汇改得很好!!呵呵

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发表于 2012-7-12 15:34:05 |显示全部楼层
请看

[rev. by mresc]7.11.doc

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