7.14 ibt 作文求批改

kevinlllamUID: 3281627

多謝各位大家, 面對著個大問題呢... 作文時常超時, 很擔心當天作文不能完成,  希望能在listening, reading, writing 拉高分數, 自問speacking弱項... 目標是90分以上, 但現在真的沒太大信心...

kevinlllamUID: 3281627

Patience is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now rather than later

I would never say that patience is usually not a good strategy. Contrary, in fact, Patience is a merit. Many ladies are looking for patient men is not it? However, sometime we should not be patient instead we should take action at soon at possible. In my opinion, I think choosing whether patience or taking action now is based on the situation.

Sometimes, we should be patient because if we do not, it will make enormous trouble. For instance, if you plan to play outside such hiking or picnicking but there are bad weather, for your safe, you should patiently stay inside to do some indoor activities and find another day to do outdoor activity. For another example, if the local economy is facing depression, you should be stop doing any investment, and patiently wait the economic condition get better. Oppositely, if you cannot be patient and keep on doing unprofitable investment, consequently, you will lose your money. Sometimes patient is advantageous to us, however, in some circumstances, we should not be patient but to take action at soon at possible.

Sometimes if we keep patient, ignore problem and let it exist, the problem would only become bigger. When I was young, I really hated English become I did very bad on it. I just keep on refusing to face English. Meanwhile others classmates were getting better and better on English, I just stayed on the same level. As the result the distance of English level between me and my classmates is became extremely long, I have to do triple effort to chase my classing. If I took my action as the beginning, it would be much easier for me to catching up the procedure of my class.

To sum up, I believe it is based on circumstance that keeping patient or taking action now. In some circumstances keeping patient is advantageous to us, and in some circumstances taking action now will bring us benefit. Personally, I would never say that patient is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now than later.

kevinlllamUID: 3281627

The most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees

No matter a company is big or small, it constitutes by a group of people, the managing staff, and the workers. It is not even exaggerating to say that the most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.

First and foremost, a company is constructed by numerous departments, such the marketing department, the accounting department. If the skills of employees are improved, subsequently, the performance of the company will absolutely have great progress. For instance, if the marketing employees did improve their selling skills such find the better way to attract customers. More customers will buy its products, and the profit of company will definitely rise. It is no hesitation that it is benefit to company if its employees get progress on their skills.

Second, although manpower capital are being less important after the appearance of machines, those most significant thing, the products, are still design by designers, the workers. In addition, those guys who fix the problems of producing machines and the mechanic difficulties are still the engineers, the employees. What I am trying to point out is that the heart of a company is always been the employees, and the most precious thing of human, our wisdom, can never replace by everything.

To sum up, there are lot of important investments of a company, such as machines and materials. Nonetheless, I believe that the most important is always be the skills of its employees because it bring a lot of benefits to company; this characters are irreplaceable; and who actually run the company are the employees.

kevinlllamUID: 3281627

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: children should have similar jobs with you.

In 21st century, the biggest concern of people is freedom. A myriad of countries are pursuing real democratic government. Almost every teenagers want to follow their own dreams, want to do what they want. The idea that older son should inherit parent’s business is not work anymoreany more in this modern society. In my opinion, I disagree with the assertion that children should have similar jobs with their parent.

First and foremost, I would never say that children have similar job as their parent is wrong. It is a very good new for a family that children have a similar interest with their parent and want to work as their parentIn case of children are interesting on what their parent do. My opposition is only against that parent restrict their children to inherit their business because it is a kind of forbiddance which restrict the children to development on their own talents, their own interests. Everyone have his/ her right to chase dream, it is unfair to force children running parent’s businessto run your business.

Second, there is too much protection for children working in their parent business, which is absolutely disadvantageous to the children. Parent will give a lot of mercy to their children, which would never happen for the boss or supervisor in another company. As this result, those children would be unable to adapt a new environment, working in another company. It is absolutely unfortunate for the children.  Because a well adaptability is very important in the capricious society.

To sum up, I think everyone should adventure his or her own way instead of following the way which built up by others. So in my opinion, I totally disagree with the idea that children should have the similar jobs with their parent.

kevinlllamUID: 3281627

push!!!!!!!!!

y_hazelUID: 3249948

Patience is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now rather than later

I would never say that patience is usually not a good strategy. Contrarily, in fact, Patience is a merit. Many ladies are looking for patient men, is not it? However, sometime we should not be patient instead there are times when we shouldneed to take action as soon as possible. In my opinion, I think choosing whether patience or taking action nowimmediately isshould be based on the situation.

Sometimes, we should be patientpatience is a better choice because if we do not,otherwise it will make enormous trouble. For instance, if you plan to play outside such hiking or picnicking but there is bad weather, for your safety, you should patiently stay inside to do some indoor activities and find another day to do outdoor activityones. For another example, if the local economy is facing depression, you should be had better stop doing any investment, and patiently wait until the economic condition gets better. Oppositely, if you cannot be patient and keep on doing unprofitable investment, consequently, you will lose your money., since immediate investment would probably be unprofitable. Sometimes patient is advantageous to us, however, in some circumstances, we should not be patient but to take action at soon at possible.

However, acting as soon as possible is wiser in some other circumstances.
Sometimes if we keep patient, ignore problems and let them exist, the problem would only become bigger. When I was young, I really hated English becomebecause I did very bad on it. I just kept on refusing to face English. Meanwhile othersWhile my classmates were getting better and better on English, I just stayed at the same level. As a result the distance between English levels of mine and my classmates' is became extremely long, and I had to do triple effort to chase my classing. If I took my action at the beginning, it would be much easier for me to catching up the procedure of my class.

To sum up, I believe it is based on circumstance that keeping patient or taking action now whether to keep patient or to take action now. In some circumstances keeping patient is advantageous to us, while in some circumstances taking action now will bring us benefit. Personally, I would never say that patient is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now than later.

y_hazelUID: 3249948

改了改lz的第一篇关于patient的，完全没有改变lz的意思，只是改了部分措辞。
蓝字是要删掉的，红字是修改后的。
关于lz的文章，感触比较深的是（优点缺点一起来了哈）：
1. 似乎为了凑字数，很多地方写得比较拖沓；字数应该没问题的，不要这样~
2. 几乎都是主动句，以I和we做主语的句子很多；可以尝试被动句、倒装句和其它句式；
3. at和as全写反了……
4. 单复数、形容词副词、动词动名词等有一些错误，要注意；基本的正确是必须的；
5. 举了3个具体的例子，很好；
6. 作者尝试用了一些比较长比较难写但又不会太生涩的词汇，我觉得是好的~不过依然可以再多点变换，多用些同义词。

另，感觉投资那个例子不贴切。毕竟，经济再萧条，也有人赚钱不是？投资需谨慎，但不是说不能投啊~
暂时就想到这些吧
我喜欢给人挑毛病，优点不太记得住，所以优点说得比较少哈，lz别被我伤害了

y_hazelUID: 3249948

kevinlllam 发表于 2012-7-10 23:50
push!!!!!!!!!

另，想问lz这些题目是哪里的 啊？

kevinlllamUID: 3281627

y_hazel 发表于 2012-7-11 10:15
另，想问lz这些题目是哪里的 啊？

好像是托福机经小马过河裡找的, or在其他帖看到別人作的, 分析得很詳細呢, thank you so much.

爱让一切都对了UID: 3334460

Patience is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now rather than later

下划线用来指出问题，红色是评论，黄色是亮点。

I would never say that patience is usually not a good strategy. Contrary, in fact, Patience is a merit. Many ladies are looking for patient men is not it?反义疑问句用于口语或非正式文体，这里或许不宜使用。[1]而且1提供的反义疑问句例子，都用缩约式isn't it。 However, sometime we should not be patient instead we should take action at soon at possible. In my opinion, I think choosing whether patience or taking action now is based on the situation.

Sometimes, we should be patient because if we do not, it不知道你的it指什么，it是否可以这样用我不太确定 will make enormous trouble. For instance, if you plan to play outside such hiking or picnicking but there are bad weather, for your safe, you should patiently stay inside to do some indoor activities and find another day to do outdoor activity. For another example, if the local economy is facing depression, you should be stop doing any investment, and patiently wait the economic condition get better. Oppositely请尊重词典。我的《牛津高阶英汉双解词典》第七版中Oppositely没有这种用法，且是一个附属在oppsite下面的词汇，可见其重要性极低, if you cannot be patient and keep on doing unprofitable investment*invest是动词，你可以说keep on investing。不要像官员一样说今天进行了演讲，进行了查看，进行了会面，进行了聚餐，一直进行进行, consequently你这个是if从句，主句前没必要用consequently。你可以放到下一句前面。这种词我都省着用呢，表示因为的词不多啊。, you will lose your money. Sometimes patient is advantageous to us, however, in some circumstances, we should not be patient but to take action at soon at possible.
主题句不够明确。你可以说Patience contributes to wiser dicisions.然后可以解释了：因为打雷要下雨、投资需谨慎什么的。

Sometimes if we keep patient我不清楚keep有没有v+adj的用法, ignore problem and let it exist, the problem would only become bigger. When I was young, I really hated English become I did very bad on it. I just keep on refusing to face English. Meanwhile others classmates were getting better and better on English, I just stayed on the same level. As the result the distance of English level between me and my classmates is became extremely long, I have to do triple effort to chase my classing请尊重词典。我的《牛津高阶英汉双解词典》第七版中没有该词. If I took虚拟语气请注意my action as the beginning, it would be虚拟语气请注意 much easier for me to catching up the procedure of my class.
y_hazel给你写的主题句However, acting as soon as possible is wiser in some other circumstances.我认为也不是很好。
我觉得你可以说However,the sooner we act, the earlier we get the problem into control.

To sum up, I believe it is based on circumstance that keeping patient or taking action now. In some circumstances keeping patient is advantageous to us, and in some circumstances taking action now will bring us benefit. Personally, I would never say that patient is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now than later.你前两段是中立的，现在怎么支持到一边去了呢？

[1] 《英语用法指南》第三版，第487条

我个人写作也不好，前一次托福才20。过两天再考……悲剧，写作太慢写不完，攒人品吧。