Romanus的作文修改铺 -作文求改

black_marbleUID：3257768

06年12月16号
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to make friends with intelligent people than with people who have a good sense of humor.

Friendship is an indispensable part of everyone's life. More or less, everyone have some friends and when asked whether it is better to make friends with intelligent people than humorous people, different people will give different answers according to their personal values. Granted, the intelligent people can easily find the crux of a problem and would be more helpful when a problem faces us. From my perspective, I prefer to be friends with humorous people other than the intelligent ones just for the reason I believe that the humorous people may be wiser and more tactful than the intelligent people and humor may add color to our friendship.

Mark Twain has once said, 'Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom’. And 'Humor is the good natured side of a truth’. What Mark Twain has said tells us that good humor must have rendered something of the real world in an explicit way. That means humorous people are also very intelligent. More over, unlike the intelligent people who tend to point out problem in a direct way which may affront others or make others embarrassed, the humorous people make a tactful warn to the people concerned, making the advice more acceptable. That's what I mean humorous people are wiser than the intelligent people.

In addition, the flavor of humor adds a tinge of spice in friendship and can cheer you up when you are in bad mood. The person with a good sense of humor often has an optimistic mentality. Staying with her/him, s/he would tell you some funny jokes and makes you happy. The sky seems bright and the burden becomes lighter with her/his company. For example, at the end of the advanced reading course, every one should make a presentation before the class. I felt very nervous the night before the class and couldn’t get to sleep. My best friend Bruce, a humorous guy, perceived my tension and said, “The bed become heavier because you have put the whole world on your shoulders”. Hearing this, I laughed and felt eased. That night, I had a good sleep which allowed me to be more energetic when giving the presentation. Thanks to Bruce’s humor.

In conclusion, compared to intelligent people, the people with a good sense of humor are wiser when dealing with complicated problems and can help you get out of bad mood. So I think make friends with humorous people is a better choice.

这是我第一篇托福作文，以前没考过G。也不知道自己写作水平咋样，望Romanus能够点拨一下。

写这篇作文前后花了我快4个小时，要不停的上网查表达，看自己的表达是不是都地道。感觉自己举例子的时候也不知道怎么写好，离考试也就一个多月了，目前准备起来还是感觉有点棘手啊。

mpromanusUID：2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to make friends with intelligent people than with people who have a good sense of humor.

Friendship is an indispensable part of everyone's life. More or less, everyone has some friends and when asked whether it is better to make friends with intelligent people than humorous people, different people will give different answers according to their personal values. Granted, the intelligent people can easily find the crux of a problem and would be more helpful when a problem faces us. From my perspective, I prefer to be friends with humorous people other than (Do you mean 'rather than'?) the intelligent ones just for the reason I believe that the humorous people may be wiser and more tactful than the intelligent people, and humor may add color to our friendship.

Mark Twain has once said, 'Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom’. And 'Humor is the good natured side of a truth’. What Mark Twain has said tells us that good humor must have rendered something of the real world in an explicit way. (Why 'explicit'? I don't see how this is relevant to being humorous.) That means humorous people are (This would make a sweeping statement which tends to arouse negative feelings. You can soften it into 'humorous people tend to be also very intelligent'..) also very intelligent. More over, unlike the intelligent people who tend to point out problems in a direct way which may affront others or make others embarrassed, the humorous people make a tactful warning to the people concerned, making the advice more acceptable. That's what I mean by saying humorous people are wiser than the intelligent people (I'm feeling rather unsure about the use of 'the' here. From your arguments it seems that you meant to say 'humorous people are wiser than certain intelligent people', but you never really specifically declare that which group of intelligent people is 'the' intelligent people you're comparing to..so it's kind of difficult to determine whether you really need 'the' here.).

In addition, the flavor of humor adds a tinge of spice in friendship and can cheer you up when you are in a bad mood. The person with a good sense of humor often has an optimistic mentality. Staying with her/him, s/he would tell you some funny jokes and makes you happy. (If the subject of the 1st clause is missing, it's understood to be the same as the subject of the 2nd clause – which obviously isn't what you mean. The subject of the 'staying' clause, I assume, is 'you', but the subject of the 'would tell' clause is 's/he', which means 'the friend', I assume. If the two clauses have different subjects, you have to spell both out: If/when you say with her/him, s/he would tell..) The sky seems bright and the burden (What burden is 'the' burden? If you use 'the', the noun needs to be specific – that's why 'the' is called the definite article.) becomes lighter with her/his company. For example, at the end of the advanced reading course (Again, if you use 'the', then you need to specify which course this is – e.g. 'the advanced reading course during my final year in college'.), every one should make a presentation before the class. I felt very nervous the night before the class and couldn’t get to sleep. My best friend Bruce, a humorous guy, perceived my tension and said, “The bed becomes heavier because you have put the whole world on your shoulders”. Hearing this, I laughed and felt eased. That night, I had a good sleep which allowed me to be more energetic when giving the presentation, thanks to Bruce’s humor.

In conclusion, compared to intelligent people, the people with a good sense of humor are wiser when dealing with complicated problems and can help you get out of bad mood. So I think making friends with humorous people is a better choice.

总结：

语法词汇论述都很强大，well done。。例子像这样举就可以了，你语言很清晰，虽说是用上网查的但至少你能查明白，说明底子不错，应付托福没有问题，不过还是要掐时间实际写几篇练练手，如果能够保持这个水准，就不用担心作文了。进阶级别需要注意的就是定冠词的使用（虽然看起来很不起眼的一点但在教学中被证明是最难完全掌握的要点之一。。所以其实是很高阶的使用）和偶尔的表达失误。

black_marbleUID：3257768

mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-19 07:17
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to make friends with intelligent ...

多谢你的修改，我这几天会好好看下。
冠词的使用确实是我一直都忽视的一个方面，我以前注意力主要在词汇和表达上了，多谢提醒。

也谢谢你的鼓励:)