能否帮忙看看托福作文？谢谢！

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这是我的第一篇托福作文，写的比较挫，好几次停笔写不下去，最终勉强完成了，能否帮我看看，提点意见，谢谢！
　　
　　题目：A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.
　　
　　正文：
　　A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near our community. Some people approve of the plan while others hold the opposite opinion. I agree that a large factory can bring us many advantages and the problems it may cause can be controlled well if we take some proper measures. Therefore, I believe it is wise to accept the plan.
　　
　　First and foremost, the factory planned to be built can provide numerous working positions and help many out-of-job people regain the chance to work, which is of great significance since in the present it is really difficult to find a job even if you are a university graduate student. As far as I know, nearly one-third of the university graduate students in our community are facing the problem to find a job and if a factory is built nearby, they can try to apply a position there.
　　
　　Another reason that I approve of building of the factory is that the factory is sure to promote the development of the local economy nearby. For example, since there will be many people working in the factory, it is reasonable to assume that many of these people will have meals or buy things near the factory, therefore some restaurants and shopping malls may appear to satisfied the needs. And similarly, some drugstores, hospitals, beer bars may appear as well. All of them contribute to the development of the local economy.
　　
　　Despite the above two benefits that the factory can bring, some people are still worried about it. They argue that the factory may cause noise and pollution. In my opinion, whether the factory cause noise and pollution does not depend mainly on the management. If the manager of the factory take the noise and pollution seriously, the noise and pollution can be reduced to the least extent. So just as we cannot eat nothing because of the worry about the quality of the food, what we need to do is not oppose the plan to build the factory just because of the potential threat it may cause but conduct an agreement with the factory manager to ensure that the noise and pollution can be controlled well. In this case, our rights can be protected and the economy can be promoted as well.
　　
　　In a word, I approve to build a large factory near our community because it can provide working positions and promote local economy. And meanwhile the problems it may cause should not be overlooked.