互改小组 ljmao2007作文贴 作业放一楼

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

希望大家能够批评指点!
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ljmao2007UID: 3031354

0804作文：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

   Although privacy is very important and necessary to those famous entertainers and athletes, more privacy seems to have negative impact on them. There are several reasons I want to discuss.
   To begin with, we should understand the point that they need privacy. If you have worked a long time, you must hope to have a private time to be relaxed. For example, an actor has spent several months to finish his movie, he will hope to have a long journey to make him free and have nobody disrupt him. But things always go contrary to one’s wishes.
   Firstly, public people should be in front of all people in most of his time, otherwise he should choose to be a common person. It is necessary for famous people to be a model, thus even their private time should be contributed to the public. Like the famous actor Wen Zhang, he is a good father in and out of the movie. So his image has a positive influence on the public. Certainly, if their private life is totally contrary to the public time, they will be less famous.
   In general, the fans will have higher interested in famous people’s private life. If the famous people always try to hide the information behind the fans. The fans maybe lose the confidence to them. Maybe they will have more disruptions because of their fans’ intense curiosity.
   So I think that the famous entertainers and athletes should be exposited more in front of the public rather than have more privacy.

smsun823UID: 3355853

Although privacy is very important and necessary to those famous entertainers and athletes, more privacy seems to have negative impact on them. There are several reasons I want to discuss.
   To begin with, we should understand the point that they need privacy. If you have worked a long time, you must hope to have a private time to relax (be relaxed). For example, an actor has spent several months shooting (to finish) his movie, he will hope to have a long journey to rest without disrupting by others（make him freeand have nobody disrupt him）. But things always go contrary to his (one’s) wishes.
   Firstly(怎么又来一个首先，好怪异), public people should be in front (中文思维)of all people in most of his time, otherwise he should choose to be a common person. It is necessary for famous people to be a model, thus even their private time should be contributed to the public. Like the famous actor Wen Zhang, he is a good father both in the real life and movie (in and out of the movie). So his image has a positive influence on the public. Certainly, if their private life is totally contrary to the public time, they will be less famous.
   In general, the fans （will，不需要） have higher interest（interested，这里需要名词，直接说 are more interested in 不行吗) in famous people’s private life. If the famous people always try to hide the information behind the fans. The fans maybe lose the confidence of/on (to) them. Maybe they will have more disruptions because of their fans’ intense curiosity.
   So I think that the famous entertainers and athletes should be exposited(这里或者用 exposite 主动语态，或者用 be exposed ) more in front of (在公众面前可以这样直翻吗？ 有没有更好的说法？我用的是 to public， 期待达人来解惑)the public rather than having (have) more privacy.
总评：没有达到托福作文的基本要求，无论是字数还是结构还是语言。Chi-English 痕迹太明细了。多用心，加油！

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

smsun823 发表于 2012-8-5 23:59
Although privacy is very important and necessary to those famous entertainers and athletes, more pri ...

谢谢指导~！

zZ-ITUID: 3357899

不好意思楼主，今天有些事，传晚了，楼主加油~~~多多交流~~

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

0805作文：：Do you agree with the following statement: young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer。

Partly
1.        Admit
2.        Less experience
3.        Immature

       I prefer to consider that young people have little influence on decisions about the future of society rather than say that they cannot make a contribution. There are several reasons I want to discuss.
       To begin with, the young people do can make contributions to the future of society. And I think the great advantage of the young people is their young age. Less experience and little knowledge have them better in originality. There is a prominent example, the famous architecture Frank said that his shocked work is not coming from his own but his young student. The reason is that the young people have a strong imagination which can provide him a lot of inspirations. So the consequence is that he and his student decide the future of the new architecture of the world together but not just himself.
       However, we can know from that they still cannot be the chief powerful people to decide the future. To be the parmount person, they should have a lot of experiences to make a decision. Just imagine that, if you are a chief of a company, you will not use a young student to manage your company because you think they need further learning. Thus, less experience decide the young people cannot reach the level to make the decisions. So the future of society certainly cannot be put in the young people.
       In addition, the young people are immature and out of control sometimes. Rather than put the future on the young people, they even cannot manage themselves well. The data from related institution shows that the rate of the suicide is higher among young people. Especially, more and more college students jumping down the building has became a hot issues in the society. Thus we can judge that the young people cannot determine the future of the society because they even cannot take care of themselves. They are too young to take the responsibility of the future.
       In a word, the future of the society should be put on the more experienced people instead of the young people.

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

希望以后按时交作业哦，还有五号组里zhaoxiaoshuai、wuxiang0220两位同学的作文要改一下~

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-8-6 23:48
希望以后按时交作业哦，还有五号组里zhaoxiaoshuai、wuxiang0220两位同学的作文要改一下~

是不是以后每天都要交作业啊 我还以为是写了作文以后才分组呢

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

ljmao2007 发表于 2012-8-7 09:23
是不是以后每天都要交作业啊 我还以为是写了作文以后才分组呢

是写了作文才分组的呀。每天都有作业布置，所以希望在第二天作业布置之前把同组同学的作文改好，不然会乱。

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-8-7 09:47
是写了作文才分组的呀。每天都有作业布置，所以希望在第二天作业布置之前把同组同学的作文改好，不然会 ...

哦 那应该是搞错了吧 我8.5号没有写作文也没有占座 我还觉得奇怪怎么被分组了 因为8.4号我发的帖子不知道怎么的后面被删掉了 然后后面补上了8.4号的作文

zhaoxiaoshuaiUID: 3020532

改好了，请过目~共同加油！

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

8.9作文

ljmao2007UID: 3031354

8.11号作文

yyj.1988UID: 3276909

已修改！O(∩_∩)O~

ys757UID: 3351330

以改好 请楼主过目