issue231

eggsgdUID: 143971

我在北美，认真critique的网友，会得到我总结的 Mark Stewart 的 Writing Skills for the GRE / GMAT tests 一书的精髓。 这是最好的作文书

谢谢各位，请不要忘记加入你的 email

'Moderation in all things' is ill-considered advice. Rather, one should say, 'Moderation in most things,' since many areas of human concern require or at least profit from intense focus.


        Should we strive for moderation in all things, as the old adage suggests? I tend to agree that some degree of moderation is needed in all human endeavor, even in areas where it seems intense focus is required.
        The virtues of moderation are undeniable. Moderation in all things saves us time and energy to achieve more goals and better life over all. For example, when planning a event, a host tries to make every thing perfect. At a point that he has already achieve a relatively high standard, if he still wants to improve the quality of the event by 10 percent, the amount of time and effort he has to invest is absolutely going to be much higher than a mere 10 percent. Sometimes he even has to double or triple the effort. There being so many areas to life, people simply could not afford to live without moderation between them.
        Moderation in exercise and diet improve our health and sense of well-being. A moderated plan of exercise tailored according to one’s age, gender and health conditions helps build muscles, maintain a stronger heart, and regenerate sinews. On the contrary, over-exercise not only exhausts a person physically, but also causes psychological break down. Either will result in a termination of the exercise and run contrary to the original intention of exercising. Lack of moderation in diet can cause obesity at one extreme and anorexia at the other, either of which puts one’s health in danger. And when it comes to potentially addictive substances-alcohol, tobacco, and the like-the deleterious effects of over-consumption could not be clearer.
        Some might argue that the need for moderation does not exist in some fields. For example, in athletic competitions, athletes strive for challenging the “extremes” of human being. In such a field that requires intensity and focus, it might appear that moderation can only breeds mediocrity. Nevertheless, closer scrutiny reveals that even in sports athletes have to moderate efforts in order to win. Sport events are held according to a calendar. Before each event takes place, an athlete has a limited amount of time, in which he has to manage an optimal moderation between training, rehabilitation and rest. It is well known that athletic performance and simply amount of effort put into training does not come in proportion. Over practicing right before an event could even lower the athlete’s performance during the event due to exhaustion.
There are other fields in which the need for moderation appears to be overwhelmed by a sense of intensity and strong focus. However, one thing that does not change is that all of us have only a limited amount of time for any thing we do. In figuring out how to complete the task the best we can, some form of moderation has to be achieve.
In sum, the old adage amounts to sound advice for all of us in every thing we do. Even in the fields where intensity and strong focus are necessary, moderation is always to be considered in the interests of achieving worthwhile goals.

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

I think we should know that mutual trust is based on mutual trust pledged on each other, not the mutual profit, benefit or interest.

If you wanna our help, please note that there is never such kind of trade but sincerity and affection.

imongUID: 140258

不太舒服
就算我改了你的essay也不会leave email的，你这样说话我觉得不太好。

而且下一次我不会再提醒了，如果文章标题没有按照规范格式写的话我也许就不理睬了。这件事情说了很多次，请后来人多体谅。

eggsgdUID: 143971

for tomatoeggs: "wanna" = want to, don't over-use it, especially don't use it in a wrong way again.

for imong: sorry for the title thing, i'll change

eggsgdUID: 143971

Feel free to leave your response. I'm tired of the "usual" critique any way.

Don't forget to leave your email. These notes from the book are very very useful ones.

imongUID: 140258

'Moderation in all things' is ill-considered advice. Rather, one should say, 'Moderation in most things,' since many areas of human concern require or at least profit from intense focus.

Should we strive for moderation in all things, as the old adage suggests? I tend to agree that some degree of moderation is needed in all human endeavor, even in areas where it seems intense focus is required.（用词不舒服）

The virtues of moderation are undeniable. Moderation in all things saves us time and energy to achieve more goals and better life over all. For example, when planning a event, a host tries to make every thing perfect. At a point that he has already achieve（achieved） a relatively high standard, if he still wants to improve the quality of the event by 10 percent, the amount of time and effort he has to invest is absolutely going to be much higher than a mere 10 percent. Sometimes he even has to double or triple the effort. There being so many areas to life（？）, people simply could not afford to live without moderation between them. 没有看懂，说的是什么？你是说凑合凑合就行的意思吗？有点费解。

Moderation in exercise and diet improve our health and sense of well-being. A moderated plan of exercise tailored according to one’s age, gender and health conditions helps build（？is it okay？） muscles, maintain a stronger heart, and regenerate sinews. On the contrary, over-exercise(ing) not only exhausts a person physically, but also causes(induce) psychological break down. Either （如果用either的话建议分号加小写，不要重起）will result in a termination of the exercise and run contrary to the original intention（背道而驰好像这么说并不是最好的） of exercising. Lack of moderation in diet can cause obesity at one extreme and anorexia at the other, either of which puts one’s health in danger. And when it comes to potentially addictive substances-alcohol, tobacco, and the like-the deleterious effects of over-consumption could not be clearer. 还不错

Some might argue that the need for moderation does not exist in some fields. For example, in athletic competitions, athletes strive for challenging the “extremes” of human being. In such a field that requires intensity（？） and focus, it might appear that moderation can only breeds mediocrity. Nevertheless, closer scrutiny reveals that even in sports athletes have to moderate efforts in order to win. Sport events are held according to a calendar. Before each event takes place, an athlete has a（有a吗） limited amount of time, in which he has to manage an optimal moderation between training, rehabilitation and rest. It is well known that athletic performance and simply amount of effort put into training does not come in proportion. Over practicing right before an event could even lower the athlete’s performance during the event due to exhaustion.

There are other fields in which the need for moderation appears to be overwhelmed by a sense of intensity and strong focus. However, one thing that does not change is that all of us have only a limited amount of time for any thing we do. In figuring out how to complete the task the best we can, some form of moderation has to be achieve.

In sum, the old adage amounts to sound advice for all of us in every thing we do. Even in the fields where intensity and strong focus are necessary, moderation is always to be considered in the interests of achieving worthwhile goals.

语言上没有什么错误可以挑，写得很简单，不过我觉得5分应该是差不多了。如果适当加一些generalization的句子可能看起来更清楚，不过无碍大局。想拿到六分的话恐怕内容不能停留在这个水平上。

而且你的开头观点的表达很weak，看到最后才明白你是完全反对的，如果你在乎这一点的话，把主旨strengthen一些。当然，那种通篇华丽气势磅礴的文章有时候可以不在乎开头。

eggsgdUID: 143971

在下有两个问题请问

1，背道而驰应该怎么说？

2，我想了解了解就这片issue具体地说内容应该往哪个方向努力。

谢谢

imongUID: 140258

那个背道而驰里边，run contrary应该说没有问题，我觉得不舒服的是original intention，也许中文的味道太强了。没关系，我从来都是凭感觉说话，也许我感觉很不爽的时候，人家看起来很舒服也可能的。

这篇issue不好写，不好写在与很容易流于对具体现象的各自描述，而难以上升一些总体的结论。本身这个题目就很有哲学的味道。如果这是你的第一篇，那你可真的是大牛人了。

我曾经想过，moderation in most things之中，之所以说是most而不是说all，这本身也就是一种moderation。不过这个观点和很多人都说过，觉得有用的话也不要照搬。可能从高一点的台阶起步，论述的时候稍微抽象一些，但是例子非常的好，感觉就很不错了。

纸上谈兵，我自己肯定写不出来的。//blush

也不用太在意某一道题的。

eggsgdUID: 143971

我就是觉得看  mark stewart 的这本书，收获很大

老美写的书，经常切中要害

imongUID: 140258

汗……
绝对大牛……

genie05UID: 30358

很郁闷的title.
看了让人不舒服。

闲情UID: 111016

反感。我觉得你做广告是真，叫人改文章是假。

brianluUID: 117654

最初由 eggsgd 发布
[B]我在北美，认真critique的网友，会得到我总结的 Mark Stewart 的 Writing Skills for the GRE / GMAT tests 一书的精髓。 这是最好的作文书

谢谢各位，请不要忘记加入你..

以下省略...... [/B]

ETS的填空句子和短阅读比你的材料更好，句子更符合ETS的习惯。

scannerUID: 140886

最初由 brianlu 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 eggsgd 发布
[B]我在北美，认真critique的网友，会得到我总结的 Mark Stewart 的 Writing Skills for the GRE / GMAT tests 一书的精髓。 这是最好?.

以下省略...... [/B]

8错,有道理