Issue 1 习作

BasiliskUID: 2617854

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.       
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.




Technology has changed our lives profoundly and especially the modern life is remarkably different from what people used to have. Some may conclude that technology is a substitution of human thinking but I overall don’t agree with this view.

Technology brings along innovations that improve labor efficiency and free up time for human. In agricultural society, people are bound to the ground due to low productivity. They must work all day to produce food to support them. This situation changes drastically as people invent machines that draw power from steam, water or combustion. Water-powered mill can achieve an efficiency gain over ten-fold. As a result, many people are freed up from labor-intensive work and can devote time to think. In this case, machines are only used to replace labor, rather than mind, and allow more people to think, which benefits human thinking.

Furthermore, aside from the above benefit, technology improves our thinking. Technology facilitates the collection and analysis of data. Current research frequently takes large amount of electronic data and then performs statistical analysis to understand the pattern or rule underlying the data. For example, to understand stock price movement, we can collect the daily price for 100 years to see whether it follows a random walk using linear regression and hypothesis testing by statistical software. Without a computer, such data can’t be fathomed since human brain can’t remember such amount of data or to do the analysis. Computer far outperforms human brain in storing data and in calculation and it proves to be a handy tool, helping us gain a deeper look through the complex data.

On the other hand, in certain cases, technology provides excessive help and reduces necessary human thinking. For example, Black-Scholes formula is used to price option, a kind of financial instrument. You just need to input a few parameters to the computer and it kicks out the option price based on the complicated formula. Technology simplifies our life in this case by packaging the formula into a “black box”, so even people don’t understand finance can use the formula. However, this simplification creates a problem. The formula is based on assumptions that don’t hold such as normal distribution of stock return, but users of the black box tend to overlook it since the assumptions are hidden in the black box. This is an example in which technology hinders human thinking since users of the technology are forced to accept built-in assumptions, without thinking about whether the assumptions hold or not.

Technology improves labor efficiency allowing people to spend more time in thinking and it also facilitate thinking by presenting useful tools such as computers, so in general I don’t agree with the assertion. The assertion is partly reasonable since in certain cases using technology causes over-simplification and impedes human thinking.

junanitaUID: 3316128

亲 我看了你作文啦~
唉，写的真的很好，原谅我现在水平暂时只能欣赏你的issue，却做不到修改什么~
特别是你先写两个有利方面，再写technology带来的可能缺陷，这样的结构很新颖（一般大家都先写缺陷）~当然举的例子也都很棒，完全不是大众思想啊（比如calculator神马的）~
我还要多谢亲给我作文题出来的意见，其实我这是第一篇issue，主要是参考5.5来写的，原来不仅是我觉得例子和想法没什么关系，嘿嘿，以后不能这么相信作文书啦~

BasiliskUID: 2617854

饿？大家都是反-正-正的写法？这算是让步还是分类讨论？
如果是让步，让步部分应该是在前，但让步部分不应该单独成一段吧。应该是段内让步+反击吧？
如果是分类讨论，应该是主要正方论点在前吧？

ps
刚才看了下旧G作文5.5。里面把正-反-反作为主要方法，正-正-反作为次要方法。我个人的感觉是作为立论，应该先列出主要supporting观点，然后再展现考虑问题全面性（最好能用贬义的笔触或者认为是special case来提反方观点）。

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

楼主的这篇文章很流畅，语言结构上都不错，但是有2个问题：
1 开头太过于简单，没有充分抛出自己的观点。我觉得你的结尾倒可以做你的开头。
2 可能楼主是学经济的，对经济比较了解。但是例子是不是略显单一，使得文章不具有整体地代表性。因为文中讲述的是人们的思考能力，楼主仅讲了其中的一个方面，就是过于依赖公式而没有判断对错，这里是不是把范围划得过于狭小呢？
但是楼主关于黑盒子的论证挺好。

lizlee0420UID: 3163467

灰常感谢楼主对我作文的指教！我觉得你的文章写的真的很好，意见都写在文章中间了，纯属个人意见，有什么问题欢迎讨论啊！我的文章我自己又看了看，确实是语言不太流畅，而且第一段太罗嗦了，完全可以简化一点，但是觉得观点比较明确了，想麻烦楼主再跟我讨论一下哦：


我的思路是这样的：第一段先承认科技带来的好处，据一些例子，比如没有点我们什么也干不成什么的。然后让步承认题目的观点：我们变懒了，更多依靠技术让我们的思维变弱，用的是calculator的例子

第二段转折 有一些问题和技术无关，举例。段首和段尾都有说——和技术无关

第三段，相反，有时用技术可以促进我们的思维，举例。也是段首和段尾都有说——使用技术对思维有好处

最后是总结，题目的观点在有些情况下成立，但大多数情况下不成立。

你给我的意见里不断提到我的观点，可以明确告诉我一下这个观点要怎么说吗？我觉得我是这样分开一步一步论述的，观点已经逐渐明确了，而且calculator的例子，一个例子可以有不同的角度去看啊，还是说这样用例子会被判低分？能再具体说说吗？求指教~~

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BasiliskUID: 2617854

lizlee0420 发表于 2012-8-31 12:18
灰常感谢楼主对我作文的指教！我觉得你的文章写的真的很好，意见都写在文章中间了，纯属个人意见，有什么问 ...

刚才我在我那个对官方范文的理解的帖子里加了段ps，解释开头的问题，复制如下：
对于academic paper来说（限于我对社会科学的理解），开始介绍motivation比你真正干了什么还重要。但是，对于issue，唯一的考查点是论点和论据（甚至扣题逻辑都不重要，个人觉得因为在A里），这只是考试。完全没有必要介绍太多背景，把有限的时间都留给论述吧。

“没有电我们什么也干不成”这个点想要证明什么？和thinking有关吗？如果你是觉得没电人们没法工作等于没法思考。那我觉得这个点依然要落到电扩展了可利用时间这点。你可以讲，古代人们一天可以利用多少时间剩下时间只能睡觉，现在可以全天思考。

计算器这里你认为人们丧失了一些思维能力。这部分可以拿出来单独作为一段，因为和上面相差太大（一个是利用时间，一个是能力问题），这不是让步关系，让步关系是指同一个论题内部的对立论点（例如，我承认用计算器有minor cost，人们丢了那么一点点能力。但计算器save people from mundane problem是巨大的好处。）

到这里，我还是不明白你的观点是什么。你需要有一个明确的观点，而且一般来说，需要有倾向性。

然后。。。又是科技无关论。正、反、无关你都占全了。。。issue是让你提出论点，defend你的论点，不是枚举各种可能性。所谓defend，就是找对你有利的例子，然后干掉对你不利的例子。

如果你的观点是大多数情况下不成立，那么你就应该花主要篇幅说明科技的对思维的好处，并且语气上要有倾向性。然后说，的确，有时候没好处，但这是少数情况。如果你想说，it really depends，那就论述取决于怎么用，计算器正确使用会如何，错误使用会如何。

计算器的例子用两次可以。但如果你的论点是有倾向性的话，为了避免别人觉得你自相矛盾，没法handle例子，你要表现出倾向。

语言什么的就是积累了。。。很多时候不是绝对的语法错误，而是不符合习惯。
例如，如果你google "decades have witnessed"，会有21400个结果。而"decades have observed"只有几百个结果。你要么多读，知道大家都用哪个。要么就是知道这两个词意思的差别。

xydxuyidanUID: 3153716

谢谢lz给我文章的宝贵建议！我是来膜拜的。。。学习了！