【GRE作文互助组】Juanita's Issue 作业贴

junanitaUID：3316128

呜呜呜第一次写Issue，文笔思路神马的都超级掉线，希望各位亲们不要嫌弃俺，狠狠地踩俺，俺会加油努力的！！！
8月28日

Issue1

题目：
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
[Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.]

习作：

The partial statement of technology above itself is too simple. In my opinion that technology can not resolve all the problems confronted by human beings,but it can help us to solve these problem.

Indeed, a phenomenon that people become lack of foresight and is losing independent thinking while technology develope rapidly occurs in recent society. For example, From 17th century to the end of the 20th century, in which human civilization develope rapidly, over 300 kinds of animals disappeared during these time. So the growth of scientific progress always associated with environmental problems such as global warming, atmosphere pollutions and the extinction of animals. What's more, although there were only two nuclear weapons have been used in the course of warfare, both by the United States near the end of World War II, a nuclear war is considered to bear existential risk for civilization on Earth. It seems that depending more and more on technology make us life unsafe.

However, we should admit that the quality of people's life is improved inevitably because of the development of technology. For example,in the past we only depended on books in the library to search for useful information. But as the computer science growing in leap and bounds, Internet become the most convenient tool to get relative massages, which may also the only way to share ideas 'face to face ' with unknown person in your own house.Another example is that, while the global mean lifetime is terrifying shot before the rise of the capitalism in European countries, the European population's average life have significantly improved in the 18th century. By the end of the 20th century, developed countries' average lifetime reached 71.1 years old, which is dramatically due to the development of the science and technology.
Furthermore, all of these better conditions that I illustrate above make people pay attention to mental thinking and introspection of the surrounded world, instead of get rid of the struggling with survival.

It lies more on human's personal thinking and whether they have sympathy and tolerant to the world than the development of science and technology. For instance, racial discrimination and environmental pollusion can not be solved only depend on computers and big machines.So we can draw a conclusion that the human's thinking can be improved by the development of technology rather than deteriorated.

lizlee0420UID：3163467

亲你的两篇都改完了 学校的wifi 超烂！！！不过现在终于是传上来啦 哈哈 参考一下吧

lizlee0420UID：3163467

呃……貌似是你的等级不够，所以上传不了附件  到灌水区什么的多发几个帖子等级就够了 然后回复的时候就有一个添加附件

BasiliskUID：2617854

环境，核武器和thinking有什么关系？这也谈不上myopic吧。
improvement和thinking有什么关系？
Furthermore这是新的论据？还是总结上一段？
you should consider ways。。。你考虑了哪些ways？
我也刚好写过这篇。帮我看看吧
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1436125-1-2.html

xiesisiminervaUID：2997765

已改

MAX_ZHOUUID：2969977

虽然似乎不是我们俩一组，但是你给我改了，我自然要回馈啦~谢谢你哈~~~
加油！祝好！！！第一次上手都会手生的。

junanitaUID：3316128

MAX_ZHOU 发表于 2012-8-30 21:52
虽然似乎不是我们俩一组，但是你给我改了，我自然要回馈啦~谢谢你哈~~~
加油！祝好！！！第一次上手都会手 ...

咦？咱们不是一组的啊？ 嘿嘿，好像看错了~
谢谢亲啦，我感觉第一次作文却是跑题很多，以后会多多练习注意滴！！
亲也一起加油啊！！

junanitaUID：3316128

xiesisiminerva 发表于 2012-8-30 19:32
已改

亲我之前好像看错组了，但是还是木有看到你28号的作文呢~

junanitaUID：3316128

8月31号 作业
Issue133
各位亲们 狠狠拍啊！！
俺给大家揉揉肩，锤锤胳膊~

BasiliskUID：2617854

junanita 发表于 2012-8-31 22:52
8月31号 作业
Issue133
各位亲们 狠狠拍啊！！

你的position：So I agree that the solution, which was used to solve the past event, is somehow unsuitable at present. But this does not mean that this solution make no efforts to today's event and we have no need to acknowledge or analyze it。。。
考虑这种说法：historical events don't provide immediately useful solution, but knowing history provides us insight to tackle with current problems/help us understand/are instructive...

你完全没有具体例子？随便举点人民起义反抗暴政的例子呗。

junanitaUID：3316128

9月4号 作业
Issue27
各位亲们 狠狠拍啊！！俺会虚心接受滴~~

hanhanhanUID：179643

昨天的网络出了问题，所以不能上寄托。 马上就给你改好~

hanhanhanUID：179643

We may accept that young researchers, who maintain plentiful imagination, are more likely to make breakthrough than experts in some fields.这一句话用了太多的some，能不能去掉前两个呢？ So the statement conclude that the beginner is liable to make contributions in any field, but I overall disagree with this view.这句话能不能改成：However, I overall disagree with this view that the beginner is liable to make contributions in any field, for the reason that…这里作者可以写一写反对意见的观点。

The breakthrough in one area needs a directional guiding. If one do not have or just have little fundamental knowledge about one specific filed, which is usually called 'beginner', whose imagination may just like a non-directional water flow on one plane surface. Sometimes the water cannot move because no force to push them, or sometimes separated in all directions and therefore lots of beads of water are wasted. This means that the beginner may spend a lot of time while in wrong direction, thus the creation will be thwarted.

On the contrary, if the beginner could accumulate amount of basic knowledges while remaining the imagination, her/his creation could successfully increase under the directional imagination. Just like water flow, with the help of a protuberant surface, can flow to one general direction, since the start point was different, can get to various sub-directions. For example, Cauchy is known as one of the most famous mathematician in the world. Besides his ingeniousness and creativeness in math, his education should not be ignored either. Because of the excellent performance in studying, Cauchy can work directly under Laplace (who is famous for his work on mathematical physics), whose achievement on math shows Cauchy a brand new world and also broaden his horizon. And the famous mathematician Lagrange was also no stranger in the Cauchy family. Under the two masters' guidance, Cauchy progressed rapidly and laid a foundation of the break in his mathematical productivity. So we conclude that before make achievements in one certain field, beginner should be equipped with enough understanding of this area. 这一段的例子似乎写的多了，导致篇幅有些长。好像更多的成分是在支持题目的观点，但是作者在第一段不是说overall disagree吗?所以多写些反对的内容比较好。

Furthermore, some study field, such as celestial observation, need years of observation to get firsthand information. And according to a long time of accumulating, experts usually have the opportunity to make progress. 如果能够加上一些具体的例子在这一段就更好了。

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it is true that without the restriction from conventional and commonsense view, the beginner usually has marvelous thoughts of new ideas.

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the over-separated imagination may block the development of creation, in contrast, with proper guidance from the fundamental knowledge, one with variant imagination is more likely to make breakthrough in certain fields.作为结尾段，作者最好加一些表明关系的关联词，连表明作者的观点。