issue201 还有一个月就要考了，亟待指教

rosebyUID: 135839

我写了十几篇了，但从来没有让别人改过，自我感觉有很多的不如意之处，望各位能及时伸出援助之手阿，不甚感激~~~~


教育类issue11："The purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard ,a set of ideas-not to prepare them for a specific job ."

Should the purpose of education attach more importance to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas or to prepare them for a specific job? The speaker claims the former is paramount one while the latter is of no use. I agree with him to the extent that cultivating students with a systematic knowledge fabric is really what our education is pursuing but that dose not mean students should take no consideration of their future job.
   
Education, in the essence, servers as a means to instill variety of knowledge accumulated during past centuries to the students with the purpose of enlightening them to become qualified citizens for the society. Therefore, providing them with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas is the most primitive goal which can be reached by means of public education. Though formal education, it can hope to change people's perspective to various things and train them to utilize these knowledge to tackle different problems facing up to them. And from our daily experiences a man without a formal education usually have a less systematic method to cope with difficulties confronting him , which shows the importance of education.
   
But, we should not ignore that preparing students for a specific job is also another purpose of education. A student will not be a student all his life. Undoubtedly , he will one day assume one specific job to survive in the society. Without any idea of what job he wants to devote himself to during the school life would results in the ignorance of his decent position after his graduation. Moreover, if a student has a clear goal of what kind of job he would like to commit himself to , he could prepare more specific knowledge in this field ,which would benefit his future job life, and thus he would have more enthusiasm to his job and have more likelihood to achieve success.
   
However, in this increasing marketized world, there seems to be a trend that students pay unduly attention to a specific job rather than to a value system, a standard and so forth. What the students become more and more care for is that which kind of job can earn more money or provide other more beneficial opportunities such as going abroad , obtaining free houses and so on. In a world, material things are more and more important in their eyes. All of these would undermine the essential purpose that education  primarily aims at. This might result from the whole materializing society.
   
In conclusion, I agree with the speaker that providing students  with a value system, a standard , a set of ideas should be the basic purpose of real education. And on this basis, to make sure that students have their own ideal of life careen is also of great importance during the school life. But,  overemphasizing the latter would be harmful to the former as the primitive motivation.

imongUID: 140258

好久不劳动了……

首先提出“警告”：第一，我真不知道为什么在置顶的帖子里强调了很多遍之后所有人仍然不在标题上写题号，强烈建议把例如“我的一篇ISSUE，还有一个月就要考了，亟待指教”这样的话放到帖子里边来说，至少在标题的最开始写上issue11。第二，你的帖子的格式是我后来改的，下次如果发帖子之后麻烦你自己看看，如果格式看上去很糟糕的话请自行修改，格式不友好人家不会很乐意为你改作文的。

修改意见下午我贴上来。

imongUID: 140258

教育类issue11："The purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard ,a set of ideas-not to prepare them for a specific job ."

Should the purpose of education attach（？） more importance to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas or to prepare them for a specific job? The speaker claims （that）the former is paramount one while the latter is of no use（中间那个one多余，而且造成了不平行）. I agree with him （the speaker）to the extent that cultivating students with a systematic knowledge fabric（恐怕这个改写和原题有出入了！） is really what our education is pursuing（chinglish的感觉） but that dose（does） not mean students should take no consideration of their future job.

Education, in the（its very） essence, servers(拼写！) as a means to instill variety (?) of knowledge accumulated during past centuries to the students with the purpose of enlightening them to become qualified citizens for the society. Therefore, providing them with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas is the most primitive（primitive似乎并不准确，如果要表达“根本”的话） goal which can be reached（accomplish） by means of public education. Though（拼写） formal education, it can hope to change（hope to change？） people's perspective to various things and train them to utilize these knowledge to tackle different problems facing(语态错误) up to them. And from our daily experiences（逗号） a man（a person） without a（去掉a） formal education usually have a（去掉a） less systematic method to cope with difficulties confronting him(confronting him是多余的表达，而且语态也不对) , which shows （further illuminates，这样写看起来更舒服） the importance of education.

用词造句而言，一个段落已经足以说明问题了，剩下的请自行修改，必要时参考语法书。

就全文来讲，立意和论点都还可以，但是用词贫乏可见一斑，而且拼写错误通篇都是（though/through, in a world/in a word, etc.）。这种recurrent的语法错误会严重影响得分。

genie05UID: 30358

教育类issue11："The purpose of education should be to provide students with a value system, a standard ,a set of ideas-not to prepare them for a specific job ."

Should the purpose of education attach more importance to provide students with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas or to prepare them for a specific job? （写长句的时候绝对要自己把握好，否则不如不写）The speaker claims the former is (a) paramount one while the latter is of no use. I agree with him to the extent that cultivating students with a systematic knowledge fabric is really what our education is pursuing (这个句子很郁闷 ，换一下lies in ??? or others)but that dose not mean students should take no consideration of their future job.

Education, in the essence, servers (SPELLING)as a means (A MEANS??)to instill variety of knowledge accumulated during past centuries to the students with the purpose of enlightening them to become qualified citizens (for the society,罗嗦，不要这点了）. Therefore, providing them with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas is the most primitive goal which can be reached （不好）by means of public education. Though (through)formal education, it can hope （语法错误）to change people's perspective to various things and train them to utilize these knowledge to tackle different problems facing up to them（语法）. And from our daily experiences a man without a formal education （不要A）usually have a less systematic method to cope with difficulties confronting him , which shows the importance of education.（讲的是formal education 的作用不是education 吧，呵呵）

But, we should not ignore that preparing students for a specific job is also another purpose of education. （意思不对）A student will not be a student all his life. Undoubtedly , he will one day assume one specific job to survive in the society. Without any idea of what job he wants to devote himself to during the school life would results in the ignorance of his decent position after his graduation. Moreover, if a student has a clear goal of what kind of job he would like to commit himself to , he could prepare more specific knowledge in this field ,which would benefit his future job life, and thus he would have more enthusiasm to his job and have more likelihood to achieve success.

However, in this increasing marketized world, there seems to be a trend that students pay unduly attention to a specific job rather than to a value system, a standard and so forth. What the students become more and more care for is that which kind of job can earn more money or provide other more beneficial opportunities such as going abroad , obtaining free houses and so on. In a world, material things are more and more important in their eyes. All of these would undermine the essential purpose that education primarily aims at. This might result from the whole materializing society.

In conclusion, I agree with the speaker that providing students with a value system, a standard , a set of ideas should be the basic purpose of real education. And on this basis, to make sure that students have their own ideal of life careen is also of great importance during the school life. But, overemphasizing the latter would be harmful to the former as the primitive motivation.


同学赶人了，走了，有时间再说。
语法错误比较多，还有拼写，最好自己先修改一下再发上来。
还有一个月，时间还很多的。

genie05UID: 30358

对了，还有注意论点和自己的考虑方向。

rosebyUID: 135839

非常感谢你们的帮助，因为这篇是我在规定时间内写出来的，没有剩下检查的时间，所以拼写和语法错误比较多，让你们费神了，以后一定注意。
斑竹和网友指点之后发觉自己的词汇和句式确实很是单调，以后多加练习，你们的帮助让我更有信心努力了，恳请日后得修改能够更加详细一些，再次感谢