【Daily Writing】 作业贴。by日落战托福

日落战托福UID: 3374428

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920 独立写作作业 不知道怎么上传word版。。

日落战托福UID: 3374428

自己顶 帮忙修改啊大家~~马上快考试了 :mad:

toeflsunUID: 3374274

高亮的都是改过的，请楼主参照原文对比
It seems people have the desire to imitate successful people’s behavior: if I do same thing like others, will I be success like others? As the question goes, if we imitate the successful icons’ behavior, will we be successful like them? I would say no to this question, since I have witnessed more examples that people succeed by being themselves rather than be more like others.
楼主注意你写的不是疑问句，后面不能跟问号的。第一段的最后一句怪怪的。看看能不能换成别的说法。
First of all, being more like others causes us to lose our talents. Almost everyone has different talents, and the earlier you find out what talents belongs to you the more possibilities you get to succeed. Being more like others leads us hard to find out what we truly love or what talent we have. For instance, in China most parents send their children to school just for study, and all of them think that study is the only chance for their children to succeed. If their children like playing football, or singing, this kind of behavior could be the symbols that they don’t like study. Parents always force their children to quit their habits and go to study which lead children to have few personality characteristics.  
楼主要注意一句只能有一个谓语动词，否则要换成别的动词形式，或者加连词，楼主这里的语法不太好哦，建议补一补
注意Talents单复数保持一致，不要一会儿单数一会儿复数
Be不能做主语，换成动名词being，注意谓语单三
作文中最好不要用缩写，如don’t 换成do not

Also being different could make us more outstanding than others. Distinctive personality type provides them an opportunity to be distinguished from others and it will be helpful when facing chances. For instance, once a famous company wanted to hire someone as a translator and two people who major in English came to interview. The two candidates had the same background and their English skills were almost in same level. However, the company chose the one who can not only speak English but also grasp Japanese, because the company also has Japanese clients. So our distinctive characteristics make us to be distinguished from others.
要用than做比较一定要用比较级
举例用 for instance
注意时态
注意被动语态 distinguish是你去区分，be distinguished 是被区分
Furthermore, being different can lead us to success easier. Many big icons were different from others when they are young. An apparent example is that Bill Gates gave up his schoolwork and begin his own career when he was in college. Thomas Edison likes inventing some new stuff at home while other kids always go to play. Mother Teresa, dedicated herself to helping others people most of her time, which led her to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Through these events we may learn that being different makes us to get comprehensive understanding about what our goals are and how to get them.
lead sb to do sth/lead sb to sth
单复数注意保持一致

To summarize, imitating renders people to recognize their talents; being different could lead people outstanding compared with others. Considering the reasons above, it is undoubtedly that being different from others has more benefits than being like others.

楼主的基本语法错误比较多，建议把语法书翻出来好好看一下，尤其是关于谓语动词的这一块，如动名词作主语，单三等等
最后一句比较拗口，语法上也不正确，我直接就删掉了，楼主可以把上面的benefits总结一下，也可以一笔带过，短短的就结尾了。
基本上只改了语法错误，措辞改动不大，逻辑大概看了一下。建议楼主可以加一点适当的推理，像gre作文那样，会更有说服力一点。例子可以举的再细节一点，显得比较逼真。不要倒数第二段那样举很多例子，但是有只是草草的提一下，可以就一个人的例子细细的说。
建议楼主注意语法，因为语法错误确实比较多，可以看看语法书。

toeflsunUID: 3374274

附件发不上来，楼主就将就着看下吧，都改到半夜了。。。

日落战托福UID: 3374428

toeflsun 发表于 2012-9-17 01:11
附件发不上来，楼主就将就着看下吧，都改到半夜了。。。

太感谢了 我会认真看研究 提的意见太好了。你的帖子在哪里我怎么木看到？

日落战托福UID: 3374428

916


As the modern technology is developing so fast, there are many problems have been solved by computers. But I still hardly agree that most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime. The world is facing enormous problems, and these problems are getting more complicated than before. Our lifetime is too short compare with the time for these problems to be solved.

First of all, there are many problems the world is facing with. For instance, the temperature is getting higher which may cause many other problems. Many species of animals are endangered, such as polar bear. High temperature causes Ice Mountains in North Pole to melt every year, which make polar bears have no where to live. Because they can not swim for a relatively long time, fewer ice mountains lead them to a extremely dangerous condition. Beside of climate problems, the world is facing many problems including terrorism. These problems seem need a long period to be solved, and this period obviously will beyond our lifetime.

Also, the most important problems are usually very complicated. The Middle East crises have always been regarded as one of the world’s most difficult problems. The reasons which cause these crises generally are related to history or religion. Because it is too complicated, the Middle Eats crises last decades. Until now, it stills seem impossible to let both sides reach an agreement. Not in this case only, but also other world’s problems have complicated causes of formation.

Furthermore, countries usually fight for their own profits. Each country has their stand towards these world’s problems, the governments sometimes are selfish and aggressive. Regardless of the problems, they only care for what they can get profits. Since many countries care for their only benefits, they don not work on finding the solutions of these problems, which make these world’s problems can not be solved year by year.

To summarize, most of the world’s most different problems have complicated causes of formation. Plus there are enormous problems waiting to be solved, and countries care for their profits. Considering these reasons above, its undoubtedly that these problems will not be solved in our lifetime.

日落战托福UID: 3374428

916的独立写作。这个写了好久，手贱还查字典。要是遇到这个题 半小时搞不定啊。。求很批。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

As the modern technology is developing so fast, there are many problems have been solved by computers. But I still hardly agree that most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime. The world is facing enormous problems, and these problems are getting more complicated than before. Our lifetime is too short compare with the time for these problems to be solved.

First of all, there are many problems the world is facing with. For instance, the temperature is getting higher which may cause many other problems. Many species of animals are endangered, such as polar bear. High temperature causes Ice Mountains in North Pole to melt every year, which make polar bears have no where to live. Because they can not swim for a relatively long time, fewer ice mountains lead them to a extremely dangerous condition. Beside of climate problems, the world is facing many problems including terrorism. These problems seem need a long period to be solved, and this period obviously will beyond our lifetime.

Also, the most important problems are usually very complicated. The Middle East crises have always been regarded as one of the world’s most difficult problems. The reasons which cause these crises generally are related to history or religion. Because it is too complicated, the Middle Eats crises last decades. Until now, it stills seem impossible to let both sides reach an agreement. Not in this case only, but also other world’s problems have complicated causes of formation.

Furthermore, countries usually fight for their own profits. Each country has their stand towards these world’s problems, the governments sometimes are selfish and aggressive. Regardless of the problems, they only care for what they can get profits. Since many countries care for their only benefits, they don not work on finding the solutions of these problems, which make these world’s problems can not be solved year by year.

To summarize, most of the world’s most different problems have complicated causes of formation. Plus there are enormous problems waiting to be solved, and countries care for their profits. Considering these reasons above, its undoubtedly that these problems will not be solved in our lifetime.

toeflsunUID: 3374274

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... =1451607&extra=
刚才发上去

欣荷UID: 3372608

不好意思，我刚刚才看到我昨天被分组了，我昨天没写斑竹要求的题目，以为人家不要我入组了呢，你的作文我正在改，因为下午要参加一个讲座，可能晚上才能给你，不要介意哦，不好意思啦。

alexcuiUID: 3365616

9.20 revised by alexcui.doc (33 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2012-9-21 16:03:29 上传

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9.20

欣荷UID: 3372608

As the development of economic(是不是在development 前加上rapid 好点呢), the investment of a company becomes a most（删掉 或者改为 one of the） important issue. Many companies spent their money to improve their skills of its employees. Others spent their money on expanding their sailing solutions(不好意思，我不明白你这个是啥意思), therefore when it comes to the investment of a company, people’s notions very (vary) from one to another.

It is undeniable that （one of ）the important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees. Many companies asserted that employee is the central part of the company, improving（and improve） employees’ skills always worth spending much money. For instances, the ceo（CEO） of a china famous company which named（删掉） Taobao, ever said that their employees are the fortune of their company,(改为句号) Because only when their employees are happy, so that （删掉）they could make their clients happy. That is the reason why this company keeps working on how to improve the skills of employees. 个人认为你可以写这样一句，based on their unstinted investment on the training of their staff, they final became the leader of B-C company.

However, expanding their sailing market is the also the important investment for a company. Most of companies making money rely on sale stuff or service. Due to this theory, finding sale solutions is a vital part of a company’s business. That is the reason why many companies spend their money on finding how to sale their product. As the business based on internet is developing so fast, many companies built their online website to expand their ways to sale. Despite of the latent harmful with the online business, this is a(an) important investment many companies will make. For example, my uncle’s company dedicates to (这个短语一般主语是人吧)sell Australia’s nutrients to China, the main obstacle the company facing with is sale solutions. My uncle spent much money on building online store, which make it a convenient way to buy stuff on. In this case, improving employees’ skills seems less necessary than to build the online store.

It relies on the development need of a company to decide where to make the investment. （改为这句话是不是好一点呢 whether a company should invest more money on their employee or the market depends on their main principle and requirement of future development）Therefore, I hardly agree that the most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees. Today’s economic marketing is changing in every second. It is a vital issue that how to make investment of a company. Due to the evidences above, it is important to improve employees’ skills but make investment on other aspect is also important. Depending what the company truly need,

个人感觉你的思路有点狭窄，你想要表达的是尽管投资于员工的技能培训很重要，但是根据每个公司的目的，投资的方向也会不同，比如说销售环节。 首先，你可以扩展一下，先总的来说，投资可以在其他方面，比如广告、购买先进技术设备、营销、甚至是售后服务。然后可以再细化到网络销售可能很大一部分会投资于广告，设计公司可以投资于产品的设计， 快速消费品公司则投资于销售的环节。 另外，要注意每个句子之间的逻辑联系，有点混乱哦。不要刻意的去用复杂的句子，逻辑上的连贯性最重要了。

alexcuiUID: 3365616

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1776248274
9.20

欣荷UID: 3372608

Do you agree or disagree: The most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.

As the development of economic(是不是在development 前加上rapid 好点呢), the investment of a company becomes a most（删掉 或者改为 one of the） important issue. Many companies spent their money to improve their skills of its employees. Others spent their money on expanding their sailing solutions(不好意思，我不明白你这个是啥意思), therefore when it comes to the investment of a company, people’s notions very (vary) from one to another.

It is undeniable that （one of ）the important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees. Many companies asserted that employee is the central part of the company, improving（and improve） employees’ skills always worth spending much money. For instances, the ceo（CEO） of a china famous company which named（删掉） Taobao, ever said that their employees are the fortune of their company,(改为句号) Because only when their employees are happy, so that （删掉）they could make their clients happy. That is the reason why this company keeps working on how to improve the skills of employees. 个人认为你可以写这样一句，based on their unstinted investment on the training of their staff, they final became  the leader of B-C company.

However, expanding their sailing market is the also the important investment for a company. Most of companies making money rely on sale stuff or service. Due to this theory, finding sale solutions is a vital part of a company’s business. That is the reason why many companies spend their money on finding how to sale their product. As the business based on internet is developing so fast, many companies built their online website to expand their ways to sale. Despite of the latent harmful with the online business, this is a(an) important investment many companies will make. For example, my uncle’s company dedicates to (这个短语一般主语是人吧)sell Australia’s nutrients to China, the main obstacle the company facing with is sale solutions. My uncle spent much money on building online store, which make it a convenient way to buy stuff on. In this case, improving employees’ skills seems less necessary than to build the online store.

It relies on the development need of a company to decide where to make the investment. （改为这句话是不是好一点呢 whether a company should invest more money on their employee or the market depends on their main principle and requirement of future development）Therefore, I hardly agree that the most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees. Today’s economic marketing is changing in every second. It is a vital issue that how to make investment of a company. Due to the evidences above, it is important to improve employees’ skills but make investment on other aspect is also important. Depending what the company truly need,

个人感觉你的思路有点狭窄，你想要表达的是尽管投资于员工的技能培训很重要，但是根据每个公司的目的，投资的方向也会不同，比如说销售环节。 首先，你可以扩展一下，先总的来说，投资可以在其他方面，比如广告、购买先进技术设备、营销、甚至是售后服务。然后可以再细化到网络销售可能很大一部分会投资于广告，设计公司可以投资于产品的设计， 快速消费品公司则投资于销售的环节。 另外，要注意每个句子之间的逻辑联系，有点混乱哦。不要刻意的去用复杂的句子，逻辑上的连贯性最重要了。
我昨天明明给你发了 怎么今天一看没了呢。

yvesxhUID: 3305014

亲，你好，我没看到你的9.21作文啊？

日落战托福UID: 3374428

yvesxh 发表于 2012-9-22 22:16
亲，你好，我没看到你的9.21作文啊？

已添加。