请大家帮我改一下作文，尤其是开头和结尾，谢谢

fengshaofengaimUID??3367387

请大家帮我改一下作文，尤其是开头和结尾，谢谢
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: If parents want their children to do well at school, they should limit the time their children spend on watching TV.
With the booming of people’s living standard, the controversial issue that parents who hope their kids have good mark in school had better make the children watch TV in a little time has drawn great public’s attention. Someone supports it because in his view, watching TV is nothing but a waste of time. However, as far as I am concerned, I give strongly the vote that the children should spend sometime on watching after they finish their homework. The main reasons are list as follows:
Firstly, watching TV makes great effect on opening people’s sight. Especially in the childhood, the kids could learn more knowledge from the TV and medium. This knowledge might not be taught in school. Take my experience as an example. When I study in high school teachers every day make us learn what are told by book in order to pass the college entrance exam. However, my hobby is an international politics research, we can get less useful information from school. In that case, every night I could watch Phoenix channel to learn more what happened in the world. From this, watching TV doesn’t do harmful to my study but also help me go to the university to get further study in politics.
Secondly, some TV program could help people improve their English. As far as we know, English is every important in modern Chinese society. Moreover, it is one of three main subjects in Chinese school education. More and more parents put much time and money on it. If in this case, the parents have no reason to prohibit their children watching TV. For instance, CCTV News Broadcast on CCTV channel in 24 hours using English to tell the world every minute’s change of China. The students who listen and watch this program not only exercise their English but also get more information about our China. If the students enhance their English level , there is no problem that they could do well in school’s exam.
Last but not least, TV program and movies enrich people’s spare time and help them release pressure from work and daily life. At weekends, the children get tired through hard studying. In this time, they desire to take a break in several hours. So many entertainment programs such as reality show and amusement show could give the children fun and relaxation. After enjoy themselves then on Monday, they could have full spirit to continue their new study. It could be helpful for students to do well in school.
To sum up, the reasons that I provide have illustrated the watching TV program doesn’t affect badly student’s scores. To some extent, It can help some students do better and better in their study. Through I can’t say that there is no shortcoming on watching TV for school students. However, the advantages must far outweigh the disadvantages.
  

fengshaofengaimUID??3367387

刚才没空格，再重新打一下
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: If parents want their children to do well at school, they should limit the time their children spend on watching TV.
            

                With the boom of people’s living standard, the controversial issue that parents who hope their kids have good mark in school had better make the children watch TV in a little time has drawn great public’s attention. Someone supports it because in his view, watching TV is nothing but a waste of time. However, as far as I am concerned, I give strongly the vote that the children should spend sometime on watching after they finish their homework. The main reasons are list as follows:
                Firstly, watching TV makes great effect on opening people’s sight. Especially in the childhood, the kids could learn more knowledge from the TV and medium. This knowledge might not be taught in school. Take my experience as an example. When I study in high school teachers every day make us learn what are told by book in order to pass the college entrance exam. However, my hobby is an international politics research, we can get less useful information from school. In that case, every night I could watch Phoenix channel to learn more what happened in the world. From this, watching TV doesn’t do harmful to my study but also help me go to the university to get further study in politics.
                Secondly, some TV program could help people improve their English. As far as we know, English is every important in modern Chinese society. Moreover, it is one of three main subjects in Chinese school education. More and more parents put much time and money on it. If in this case, the parents have no reason to prohibit their children watching TV. For instance, CCTV News Broadcast on CCTV channel in 24 hours using English to tell the world every minute’s change of China. The students who listen and watch this program not only exercise their English but also get more information about our China. If the students enhance their English level , there is no problem that they could do well in school’s exam.
               Last but not least, TV program and movies enrich people’s spare time and help them release pressure from work and daily life. At weekends, the children get tired through hard studying. In this time, they desire to take a break in several hours. So many entertainment programs such as reality show and amusement show could give the children fun and relaxation. After enjoy themselves then on Monday, they could have full spirit to continue their new study. It could be helpful for students to do well in school.
               To sum up, the reasons that I provide have illustrated the watching TV program doesn’t affect badly student’s scores. To some extent, It can help some students do better and better in their study. Through I can’t say that there is no shortcoming on watching TV for school students. However, the advantages must far outweigh the disadvantages.
  

fengshaofengaimUID??3367387

我很想知道  With the boom of people’s living standard, the controversial issue that parents who hope their kids have good mark in school had better make the children watch TV in a little time has drawn great public’s attention.是不是太复杂了，应该怎么改呢，谢谢

fengshaofengaimUID??3367387

这是我第一次把习作贴上来，希望有时间的同学能帮我看一下，万分感谢

fengshaofengaimUID??3367387

要是同学们比较忙的话，帮我把开头，结尾，改一下就行，我10月13日考试的时候背下来，当模版使，谢谢

秋雨荆州UID??2903781

fengshaofengaim 发表于 2012-10-5 18:15
我很想知道  With the boom of people’s living standard, the controversial issue that parents who hop ...

我来消灭零回复了~
这个开头的问题，再常见不过。with结构介绍社会变化引出自己同义句转译的题目，然后提供自己的意见。我感觉最好不要用with带那么长的成分，拖沓，介词短语最好还是用来简化语句，而不是增加复杂度。另外这个开头用的略泛滥了，不建议楼主用。
楼主既然这么重视开头结尾，不妨自己设计一个独特点的开头。比如直接用例子领个开头，i read a report the other day that ... i was shocked since ... 或者问句等等，仅作抛砖引玉。
最重要的，开头即使不能做到吸引眼球，至少要保证不能拖沓，第一印象很重要的:)

fengshaofengaimUID??3367387

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-10-5 23:02
我来消灭零回复了~
这个开头的问题，再常见不过。with结构介绍社会变化引出自己同义句转译的题目，然后提 ...

万分感谢:)