[独立写作]marshall的作业贴

sss1213234UID：3235612

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

不如看看写作小组？:lol

sss1213234UID：3235612

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-10-16 09:27
不如看看写作小组？

谢谢斑竹，昨天不懂规矩~

B因子大片段UID：3383323

lz，咱们今天可能是一个组，跑过来一看发现，咦文章题目怎么跟我的不对？
16号的题目是which of the following three factors contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? A good food. B.good location. C good friends with you. (Life)
我明天中午改文章哦，到时候你贴哪篇我就改哪篇，嘻嘻^ ^

sss1213234UID：3235612

B因子大片段 发表于 2012-10-16 19:16
lz，咱们今天可能是一个组，跑过来一看发现，咦文章题目怎么跟我的不对？
16号的题目是which of the follo ...

不好意思哈~我第一次参加这个活动不知道每天还有topic~

B因子大片段UID：3383323

10.16

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? At university and college, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

A saying goes that all work no play makes jack a dull boy.Yes,there is no denying that sports along with other social activities play an indispensable role in the all-round development of the students. As a result ,many people tend to go to extremes to maintain that these activities should receive equal financial support as classes and libraries do.Personally,I hold the opinion that classes and libraries, the foremost important facilities in either universities or colleges, are supposed to receive more financial support.

To begin with, the ultimate purpose of universities and colleges is to educate students into intellects ,those (those 可以删去)who have bountiful knowledge and critical thinking about the outer world.In this respect, only by means of using facilities such as libraries will this purpose be realized. Evidently,the more money spent on sports and other social activites,the less on classes and libraries.In this case,student will suffer from a lack of facilities for studies if money is spent on sports and other activities.You can hardly admit the fact(fact之后的定语从句更多的是一种假设，而不太像是fact。所以读者读起来不太容易有代入感~) that you invest lots of(a large amount of会比lots of 要专业~) money into your children`s future career ,only after 4 years(only to find是一个比较连贯的固定表达，after four years换到上一句会不会好一些？) to find other than being sociable and bodily fit, they neither have enough knowledge to sustain(这句话要表达“掌握足够的知识去sustain?” 1.sustain是个及物动词，后面不接名词总觉得变扭呵；2. 就算是接个名词，接什么好？掌握足够的只是从而维持生命？振作激励自己？) nor have critical way of thinking.

In addition, another function of universities and college is to provide assistance to the society and certain organization; in that case, they serve as think tanks to impel the society to advance(我喜欢这个论点，上升到社会层面，有拔高的效果！). As we all acknowledge, most of the inventions and technological breakthroughs were made by either faculty or students in universities and colleges. Had it not been the education from the universities, they could not have made so many changes which have shaped our world a lot.
Suppose if Newton had not received the education from Princeton University, he might not have put up the theory of relativity, one (这是个定语从句，one后面接个名词吧，比如discovery, theory；或者直接不要one)on which modern physics is founded.Admittedly,classes and libraries exert great impact  those faculty and students.

In conclusion, I firmly hold the view that priority should be given to classes and libraries in terms of financial support. It is only through the utilities of classes ,libraries and other important facilities will the universities and colleges fulfill their potentials.
1. 不得不说，lz基础很扎实。语句顺畅结构严谨，每一段都能发现lz在灵活地运用正面逻辑阐述，反面论证，举例。句式变换也好灵活，倒装句，插入局，副词什么的，都恰到好处。
2. 前面一两段有若干typo, 哎，我也有这个问题，尤其是不在word文档里写的时候。嗷呜~
3. 第二段最后一句觉得有些问题，不知道我括号里的建议是否得当，写得不对的地方lz见谅，嘻嘻<(=￣ˇ￣=)>
4. 提醒一下lz，有个细节灰常重要！用阿拉伯数字的时候一定要很小心，10一下的数字必须用英文单词。英语写作中的数字规范详见→http://wenku.baidu.com/view/a38c71030740be1e650e9a8a.html

Darren_VanUID：3251230

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? At university and college, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

A saying goes that all work no play makes jack a dull boy. Yes, there is no denying that sports along with other social activities play an indispensable role (复数) in the all-round development of the students. As a result, many people tend to go extremes to maintain that these activities should receive equal financial support as classes and libraries do. Personally, I hold the opinion that classes and libraries, the foremost important facilities in either universities or colleges .are supposed to receive more financial support. （最后这一句感觉应该来个转折。更清晰一点）

To begin with, the ultimate purpose of universities and colleges is to educate students into intellects ,those who have bountiful knowledge and critical thinking about the outer world. （个人觉得主题句太长了点？）In this respect, only by means of using facilities such as libraries will this purpose be realized. Evidently, the more money spent on sports and other social activities, the less on classes and libraries. In this case, student will suffer from a lack of facilities for studies if money is spent on sports and other activities.（这层意思前面已经变数过了，可以直接删了~） You can hardly admit the fact that you invest lots of money into your children’s future career, only after 4 years to find other than being sociable and bodily fit, they neither have enough knowledge to sustain nor have critical way of thinking.

In addition, another function of universities and college is to provide assistance to the society and certain organization; in that case, they serve as think tanks to impel the society to advance. （还是长了点，个人觉得最好第一句短一点，表明本段主旨，然后第二句拓展第一句，就像你这样，用复合句？）As we all acknowledge, most of the inventions and technological breakthroughs were made by either faculty（用“教员”这个词不如professors？） or students in universities and colleges. Had it not been the education from the universities, they could not have made so many changes which have shaped our world a lot.
Suppose if Newton had not received the education from Princeton University, he might not have put up the theory of relativity, one on which modern physics is founded. Admittedly, classes and libraries exert great impact those faculty and students.

In conclusion, I firmly hold the view that priority should be given to classes and libraries in terms of financial support. It is only through the utilities of classes, libraries and other important facilities will the universities and colleges fulfill their potentials.  

总结：
1.        LZ还是很有实力的，从很多用词和举行就可以看出，值得学习啊~
2.        有些地方还是游戏为错误，比如拼写还有单复数
3.        总体来说很不错~加油

sss1213234UID：3235612

B因子大片段 发表于 2012-10-17 16:58
10.16

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? At university and college, sports an ...

谢谢 B因子大片段 的建议，10一下的数字必须用英文这一点我还真不知道，学习!

go to extremes to do sth 是固定搭配这里的to用的有问题吗？

第二段最后一句我想表达的意思是 to make a living in the world.我忽视了sustain 是VT.查longman sustain有一个含义是 if food or drink sustains a person ，animal，a plant,it makes them able to continue living. 所以这句话能不能还用这个词，然后改成 to sustain themselves?

sss1213234UID：3235612

Darren_Van 发表于 2012-10-17 18:55
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? At university and college, sports and social  ...

谢谢！以后我会把主题句写的短一点。

B因子大片段UID：3383323

mxy0911 发表于 2012-10-17 22:59
谢谢 B因子大片段 的建议，10一下的数字必须用英文这一点我还真不知道，学习!

go to extremes to do s ...

lz原文中没有to，我给你添上的

sustain更多的是维持生命的意思，而你的意思应该是维持生计吧？

sss1213234UID：3235612

B因子大片段 发表于 2012-10-18 00:27
lz原文中没有to，我给你添上的

sustain更多的是维持生命的意思，而你的意思应该是维持生计吧？

thanks for your correction.

是的，我想表达类似survive 的意思。

吸收阳光UID：2917267

~~

feihong76UID：3072089

实在改不出毛病...

mpromanusUID：2565872

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One should never judge a person by external appearances. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

Many people nowadays consider external appearance an important factor in judging a person，because a good appearance will offer us favorable feelings (A person can 'offer' feelings, yes, but an 'appearance' doesn't 'offer' feelings because appearances don't have feelings to offer! I'm guessing you might have wanted to say 'a good appearance will win us favorable feelings' or something along that line.), thereby resulting in a sense of trust. Is that always true as to judge a person by what he/she looks like? Definitely not，on the contrary, I stick to the idea that we should never judge a person by the appearance, as suggested by the saying” You should never judge a book by its cover”.

In developing a friendship with someone new, it is always misleading to simply make judgments based on the external appearance. Despite it is very pleasant to consort with someone good-looking, in many cases, the fine appearance turns out not to be in consistence with the person`s inner qualities. For instance, when you make friends with others, you are most likely to be impressed by those so-called nice-looking persons. However, as the relationship develops and deepens, you will probably find that person with many weaknesses, such as selfishness, insolence, disloyalty etc.(I don't see why this is a 'for instance'. You're basically saying the same thing as you said in the first two sentences. The only 'for instance' part is the last few words where you explicitly spell out what the 'not in consistence' part was about.) All these qualities will not divulge themselves until you get deeper understandings, which may contradict with the external appearance.

In addition，external appearance is fickle as time goes by. Time kills everything. That is to say， external appearance is not stable ；on the contrary，it changes with time. What is unchangeable ，however，is the inner qualities of a person.(Hold that thought..if time kills everything it can well alter your inner qualities..) That is why we remember the greatest persons of their contemporaries，like Newton ，Vincent，Hawking，not because  of  what they look like，but because of their great minds that have shaped the world. Who can still recall the beauties of years ago, if their beauties have only something to do with external appearance? (Well but you do have the legends about the four beauties of ancient times, or Cleopatra's power of seduction, or Marilyn Monroe, or Casanova, or 潘安宋玉, or whoever. It's trivial, you may say, but if people remembered Newton because he's been a great scientist, then people remembered Cleopatra equally because she was a great mistress. The point is that they have been great, no matter in mind or beauty. If you insist that greatness in beauty is more trivial than greatness in mind, then well, that's beyond a TOEFL essay..)

Although, for some certain occupations, pleasant external appearances are greatly encouraged, most of the time inner qualities have the final say in making fair judgments about a person. Therefore, I hold firmly the view that we should never judge a person by the external appearance, because, it is inner appearance, rather than, external appearance that truly defines a person.

总结：

This is well-done. I was, however, particularly unhappy about your argument about inner qualities being unchangeable, but then, I will not growl over such a philosophical issue as this is only a TOEFL essay..^ ^