issue152 我给gf改的一篇issue,大家看看,给点意见.

ken0405UID: 124994

152”The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies.”

The speaker asserts that the only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies. While in my opinion, the corporate executives should lay more emphasis on various other accountabilities entitled to them, aside from making profits.（第一段，就先这么写吧，简单明了，好。等你多看点范文，在出来自己的风格。！）

First of all, it is essential for corporate executives to be responsible to the workers （and 去掉！）to establish a （particular and去掉） rich enterprising culture(, which in turn bring many benefits to the corporate ) . ( 错了,是这样的Only when a, do b) Only do workers who are the backbones to function the company feel satisfactory（？？错了吧，词性。） with the company’s treatment and welfares, the utmost activity and creativity can be fully inspired, and ultimately the effectiveness can be greatly uplifted( improved, 这个是个好词,多用.). (To achieve this, a desirable enterprising culture is undeniably crucial.这句话有点多余, 你觉得呢?) A striking example of the irreplaceable role of enterprising culture in companies is that American General Electrics Corp., which is the most dominate and biggest electrical equipment company in the world, is thriving partly on its excellent and unique enterprising culture. (例子举的要具体一点,怎么个为员工着想的呢?有没有什么具体措施?比如workers的子女。Workers本身的教育问题呀)

Secondly, corporate executives should equally pay （significant感觉有点怪怪的。不好。用much） attention to the social problems directly or indirectly concerned to their interest, such as social criminal, children deprived of education, and increasingly deteriorated environment.（好观点,如果再来，这样可以为企业赢得fame,或support from the public 就更好了） The stance and flourishing of society can serve as important catalyst for booming development of companies. Accordingly, it is the basic duty for companies, as a part of society, to exert their great efforts to keep and enhance the social development. For instance, many companies have subsidized for the Hope Process（是什么，具体化！。老外可不知道什么是希望工程。） to make sure that the children from（in） remote areas(countries) can share the equal opportunity to receive education, which is meaningful to society. However, （反面，不要用however 用on the contrary）it is a pity that some companies are pursuing the optimal profits by discharging waste water or polluted air without any treatment regardless the serious destroy to environment, although the government has been emphasizing the necessity of protecting environment. In some sense, it shows that the simple binding of law is far not enough, the most crucial point is that the corporate executives should realize their social responsibilities.这段观点很和我意，但是例子没有设么说服力。要详细一点。集中一点。

Furthermore, social responsibility and utmost profits are not mutually exclusively. a company which has actually taken its social duties and attributed more to society, is most likely to win more credence and trust of customers, and therefore will explore a bigger market and own a brighter future. In the contrast, undue emphasis on money of corporate executives may lead to illegal behavior such like adulterant products and bribing phenomenon, which potentially do harms to consumers and greatly hamper corporations’ further development. On the whole,（哪里学来的？有点怪。最好用自己见过并且熟习的） corporate executives ought not to be narrowly puzzled by the immediate and small interest, but to improve a long-term sight into future advancement and to set up a positive enterprise image.这段很棒耶！

In sum, corporate executives shouldn’t erase, ignore, or even play down their responsibilities to the workers and to the entire society, but give more considerations to these duties and effectively carry them out, which is literally benefit to elevate the companies.(496 words, 3h)
好的，太好了！
第2篇issue
好样的。
改起来舒服多了！

ken0405UID: 124994

https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... p;highlight=ken0405
斑竹
这个应该放到ets范文平点里吧??

imongUID: 140258

嗯，恐怕不是这样的。现在先在外面放一段时间，然后整理的时候放到习作区里面。

我把标题改过来了（按照标准格式），下次麻烦注意一下。

我粗略的看了一下，用词的准确上要加强，company's treatment总觉得这个treatment有点不爽，irreplacable role中irreplacable是没有错误的，不过这种“不可替代”和“非常重要”似乎还不是全等的表述，我个人倾向于后者。Hope process写错了吧，似乎是Hope project.

ken0405UID: 124994

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread....ghlight=ken0405
我说的是这个网址里的东东

木耳UID: 123036

有gf同奋，ken你好幸福啊。

auteurUID: 139302

都是牛人