issue183,请认真修改一下，非常感谢

rosebyUID: 135839

“As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and more mysterious.“


     I strongly disagree the speaker's statement that the more knowledge  we have obtained , the more complex and even mysterious the world presents to us . A simple retrospection of the history will show that we have become more powerful and confident when confronted with the challenges from the outside world. Neglecting or denying this fact would lead to the discouragement for us to make more progress.

     First of all, the speaker unfairly asserts   that things do not become more comprehensible , □whereas from my point of view , our capabilities to deal with problems have been greatly strengthened , which is primarily due to more knowledge in almost every field. For example, when we retrospect the history of vehicle——a type of invention intended to solve one of the basic problem , that is ,to move from one place to another by taking as short time as possible. Then from ( ) driven by horse , bicycle driven by a person himself, the train accelerated by steel ,then by petrol, by gas, to today's aeroplane, the speed of each kind of vehicle is increasing  greatly. People who lived in the Middle East can never imagine that only a few hours can bring us from one of the half sphere to the other. This example can simply illustrate our improved ability in handling the things.

     Further more, we must concede that the modern world really present us voluminous amount of questions and puzzles , all of which seem to be much more complex than those occurred ever before. When we are using our mobile phone to chat with our friends joyfully , at the same time, we are being suffered from the harmful  radiation produced by the microwave . The convenience brought by the highly-developed telecommunication technologies ——which are viewed as significant a new industrial revolution as those preceded industrial revolutions ,can also inevitably pose serious problems  to us . Look around, contemporary people are seemingly caught into a much more mysteries net. Yet it is natural, more knowledge lead to the solving of old problems ,  but immediately, new ones are  brought into existence.

     However, only through such circuit can we humankind can keep the progressing pace  all the time, therefore ,the right attitude toward the dilemma is a better understanding of the higher state of our strength. In this state, we , compared with people lived before, have gained immensely enlarged range of knowledge which then can be used to solve various previous problems . In order to deal with newborn ones which are in all likelihood more difficult, we must have what we have had in our mind extended to a deepen and wider extend. By this process, the world around us can then be better comprehended although it presumably seems to be more complex one.

      In the final analysis, only fixing eyes into the superficial increased complexity of the world, we would lose our confidence and encouragement to make more effort . On the contrary, we need a better understanding of the overall progress generated by our accumulated knowledge, which ultimately can bring a more comprehensible world .

imongUID: 140258

你已经有2篇文章得到了修改( all by imong)，请加入劳动者的行列，先为别人服务，好吗？

lincyaUID: 143436

“As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and more mysterious.“


I strongly disagree （我认为你的态度过于强硬）the speaker's statement that the more knowledge we have obtained , the more complex and even mysterious the world presents to us . A simple retrospection of the history will show that we have become more powerful and confident when confronted with the challenges from the outside world. Neglecting or denying this fact would lead to the discouragement for us to make more progress. （有些跑题）

First of all, the speaker unfairly asserts that things do not become more comprehensible （有Arrgument 的写作嫌疑）, □whereas from my point of view , our capabilities to deal with problems have been greatly strengthened , which is primarily due to more knowledge in almost every field. For example, when we retrospect the history of vehicle——a type of invention intended to solve one of the basic problem , that is ,to move from one place to another by taking as short time as possible. （可以是： ....the basic problem which is how to move ...) Then from (?( ) driven by horse , bicycle driven by a person himself, the train accelerated by steel ,then by petrol, by gas, to today's aeroplane, the speed of each kind of vehicle is increasing（不要用现在进行时） greatly. People who lived in the Middle East can never imagine that only a few hours can bring us from one of the half sphere to the other. This example can simply illustrate our improved ability in handling the things. （例子有些跑题，题目说的是comprehensible,这个例子用在科技发明使人们生活更便利这样的题目较合适，本题可以举其他的例子：我们所学的数学方面的知识，不仅可以用在日常生活中来解决问题，同时还有助于我们理解经济问题。。。）

Further more, we must concede that the modern world really present us voluminous amount of questions and puzzles , all of which seem to be much more complex than those occurred ever before. When we are using our mobile phone to chat with our friends joyfully , at the same time, we are being suffered from the harmful radiation produced by the microwave . The convenience brought by the highly-developed telecommunication technologies ——which are viewed as significant a new industrial revolution as those preceded industrial revolutions ,can also inevitably pose serious problems to us . Look around, contemporary people are seemingly caught into a much more mysteries net. Yet it is natural, more knowledge lead to the solving of old problems , but immediately, new ones are brought into existence.

However, only through such circuit can we humankind can keep the progressing pace all the time, therefore ,the right attitude toward the dilemma is a better understanding of the higher state of our strength. In this state, we , compared with people lived before, have gained immensely enlarged range of knowledge which then can be used to solve various previous problems .（举出几个例子： 如电脑提高了人们的工作效率，缩小了世界范围；电子化的产品丰富和便利了人们的生活） In order to deal with newborn ones （最好直接写成demerits / problems ) which are in all likelihood more difficult, we must have what we have had in our mind extended to a deepen and wider extend. By this process, the world around us can then be better comprehended although it presumably seems to be more complex one.

In the final analysis, only fixing eyes into the superficial increased complexity of the world, we would lose our confidence and encouragement to make more effort . On the contrary, we need a better understanding of the overall progress generated by our accumulated knowledge, which ultimately can bring a more comprehensible world .

文章最后一段的力度不够，题目的核心就是我们所学的知识可以使我们很好的理解问题但同时当我们深入进去时会发现有更多的未知
如何说清这种逻辑关系是文章的关键。

以上仅是个人观点，如有评的不好的地方请多见谅！也请斑竹进行讨论。

我们一起共勉！！！

imongUID: 140258

嗯。各人对题目的理解不同，写出来的观点也会有差异，不过我认为本文的3个para之间的组织存在问题。一般来说，虽然先否定再concede的写法并非不可，但是在这篇文章里这样写不够成功，问题就出在语气和例子上。完全败笔就在于Further more, we must concede，这怎么能构成furthermore的关系？！！

lincya做得不错 :D

genie05UID: 30358

很少看见IMONG表扬人也。LINCYA，不错不错！佩服佩服！
好象这个又是水帖。嘿嘿。

paisleyUID: 64183

roseby，我忍不住想批评你。你的标题就让人反感，你为别人付出多少，有什么资格要求别人为你“认真修改”？

而当lincya给你的文章改得这么仔细这么“认真”之后，你又连一句谢也没有，叫人以后怎么再给你改？

genie05UID: 30358

确实看着很不舒服，这几天看了好几篇就是看这个题目不舒服，没有仔细过这篇。
ROSEBY最好看看IMONG置顶的帖子。

rosebyUID: 135839

确实很不好意思
因为最近学校网络不好，上网很不方便，今天才有机会看到这个帖子
首先非常感谢 lincya的认真批改，有一些观点表示赞同，虚心接受，非常感激
然后接受各位斑竹的批评，题目中“请认真修改”没别的意思，只是代表了很大的期望，让各位不舒服实在不是本意，更没有觉得自己有什么特殊的资格，日后一定尽量加入给别人修改的行列，见谅见谅。。。

imongUID: 140258

最初由 roseby 发布
[B]确实很不好意思
因为最近学校网络不好，上网很不方便，今天才有机会看到这个帖子
首先非常感谢 lincya的认真批改，有一些观点表示赞同，虚心接受，非常感激
然后接受各?.

以下省略...... [/B]

与其堆砌词藻不如付诸实质行动
这里每一个人都是动过手才互相交换底细的