issue150

blueseaheartUID: 127701

再贴一片，希望指点，狠狠的批吧。我实在不知道自己的水平如何。

150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

由于电视和全球范围内的计算机网络，人们现在可以熟悉很多以前从未涉足过的地方。其结果就是使得旅游变得过时了。(DISADREE应该谈电子媒体与旅游相比之下的缺陷.旅游本身的优势,以及电子媒体对旅游业的积极影响,旅游并不是ONLY SEE BEAUTIFUL scenery)
开头;如果单纯的把旅游视为欣赏漂亮的或其他有特色的景色scenery,那么现代的电子媒体完全有可能取代旅游业.但是旅游本身是一个复杂的过程,一种有特色的活动,至少到目前为止是找不到它的替代品.电子媒体不可能代替旅游, 相反作为宣传手段,会更好的促进旅游业的发展.
1旅游有各种目的,度假休闲,游览名胜,参观文化故迹,体验风俗民情,新婚旅行,特殊运动,商务.坐在家里看看电视和电脑是无法办到的.
2 旅游是一种直接的生活体验. 很EASY的在电视或网站上看到泰山日出完全的不同与花几个小时辛苦的爬到山顶,再经过一晚的等待,在晨曦中看到日出的景象.而且实地的游览能够提供更宽泛的背景和更客观的呈现.而电视节目或者网站的介绍则狭窄的多,而且受主观的影响.
3Internet能够提供必要的资料,在我们准备旅游之前：即查阅目的地(destination)历史，文化，交通，民族，气候，地质地理，食宿条件有关等情况. 制订行程计划.采购与订票.
总结:我们应该看到媒体对旅游的促进作用，充分利用媒体的特点，使得更多的人们在条件允许下愿意出游，增进旅游业的发展。
Modern media, say, television and Internet, offers people vast information about tourist attraction like the Great Wall, Egypt Pyramids, Hawaii. Therefore, there is a doubt that whether tourism will become obsolete. As a matter of fact, compared with watching TV or browsing Web pages(网站)/websites, tour is not mere a matter of seeing beautiful scenery or reading information, but a complicated life experience. In this sense, nothing can replace tourism.

Indeed, people can now begin to know any places that they want to visit or have been visited via television and computer. When one person, lying in the soft sofa or chair, press button of remote control or use mouse or keyboard, he/she can easily become familiar with those strange places at home. Also, they can avoid a long and painful journey and save much money and time. Using TV and computer network seems to be a rapid and convenient way for sightseeing. Yet, does viewing a short movie, reading literal introduction and description, or watching a specific program mean a real tour?  No, it is definitely not. A real tour is NOT only passively visual enjoyment; it should be a direct life experience.

A kind of life experience involves personal feeling and direct participation. When one person finally see the sun rising slowly from the horizon on the top of Taishan Mountain, after several hours’ climb and plus one night’s waiting, he/she is sure to be so delighted and excited. But if he/she easily see the same sunrise of Taishan Mountain on TV, the feeling is totally different, not excited but very calm. Further, the destination what one plan to visit can provide him/her broader context and more objective display, compared with the information that TV and Internet offer to us. It includes not only more protean natural scenery but also cultural and history atmosphere in which tourists freely visit anything and anywhere that really attract them and form their specific feeling, be the external sensory perception or internal emotion. TV program, say, “around global” of CCTV-4, offer a series of beautiful places but the interpretation of producer from a certain perspective. It is clear that this kind of program is only a part of all and edited by someone’s mind. Hence, a real tour is all-round and thus indispensable.
What’s more, personal feeling and interests determine largely what will be the emphasis in one’s tour or which place one would prefer to. Communicating with local inhabitants, although it is tough because of language barrier, help us understand different life style and customs, especially for folklorist and those people who like to experience the specific folk-custom, such as Japanese tea arts. Closely observing mural about “flying sky”, a deity in the Buddhism, in Dunhuang arouse historic, religious and aesthetic feeling. If you are a painter, you have much aesthetic feeling than historic emotion. And the focus of visit is different for a painter, a historian or a religious person. In different people’s eyes there have a different “flying sky”. For those people who like surfing, Hawaii is a good choice. For children, Disneyland is more attractive than Pisa Tower. Tourism can satisfy various needs of different people. Some people visit a place for pleasure, fun or relaxation in the holiday, others have to fly from one place to another for the business affairs and spare a leisure time in visiting the attraction. In short, people have different goals during one tour, and these goals cannot attain at home through TV and Internet.

Although TV and Internet are unable to replace tourism, both of them are still useful for promoting tourism. Before we are prepared for a future tour, we must look up some relative information via Internet, such as historical stories, geographical condition, weather, foods, and national custom. And we also have to know how to set a reasonable course, which includes most of places we are very interesting in. Of course, a simpler way is to find out a Tour Company. Tourists can enjoy a better service at higher price.

In sum, advanced media is not an inhibitor but an accelevant for tourism. A wise leader of Tour Company or an officer of national or local government who is engaged in tourism should make use of modern media to promote their tourism and maximize their profits.

豌豆UID: 144569

150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

由于电视和全球范围内的计算机网络，人们现在可以熟悉很多以前从未涉足过的地方。其结果就是使得旅游变得过时了。(DISADREE应该谈电子媒体与旅游相比之下的缺陷.旅游本身的优势,以及电子媒体对旅游业的积极影响,旅游并不是ONLY SEE BEAUTIFUL scenery)
开头;如果单纯的把旅游视为欣赏漂亮的或其他有特色的景色scenery,那么现代的电子媒体完全有可能取代旅游业.但是旅游本身是一个复杂的过程,一种有特色的活动,至少到目前为止是找不到它的替代品.电子媒体不可能代替旅游, 相反作为宣传手段,会更好的促进旅游业的发展.
1旅游有各种目的,度假休闲,游览名胜,参观文化故迹,体验风俗民情,新婚旅行,特殊运动,商务.坐在家里看看电视和电脑是无法办到的.
2 旅游是一种直接的生活体验. 很EASY的在电视或网站上看到泰山日出完全的不同与花几个小时辛苦的爬到山顶,再经过一晚的等待,在晨曦中看到日出的景象.而且实地的游览能够提供更宽泛的背景和更客观的呈现.而电视节目或者网站的介绍则狭窄的多,而且受主观的影响.
3Internet能够提供必要的资料,在我们准备旅游之前：即查阅目的地(destination)历史，文化，交通，民族，气候，地质地理，食宿条件有关等情况. 制订行程计划.采购与订票.
总结:我们应该看到媒体对旅游的促进作用，充分利用媒体的特点，使得更多的人们在条件允许下愿意出游，增进旅游业的发展。
Modern media, say, television and Internet, offers people vast information about tourist attraction like the Great Wall, Egypt Pyramids, Hawaii. Therefore, there is a doubt that whether tourism will become obsolete. As a matter of fact, compared with watching TV or browsing Web pages(网站)/websites, tour is not mere a matter of seeing beautiful scenery or reading information, but a complicated life experience. In this sense, nothing can replace tourism.

Indeed, people can now begin to know any places that they want to visit or have been visited via television and computer. When one person, lying in the soft sofa or chair, press button of remote control or use mouse or keyboard, he/she can easily become familiar with those strange places at home. Also, they can avoid a long and painful journey and save much money and time. Using TV and computer network seems to be a rapid and convenient way for sightseeing. Yet, does viewing a short movie, reading literal introduction and description, or watching a specific program mean a real tour? No, it is definitely not. A real tour is NOT only passively visual enjoyment; it should be a direct life experience.写得不错啊,就是连词应该用得更多,更丰富一些.显得错落有致,比如,using TV这句就已经表示对上面几句的总结了,可以在前面加个表示总结的连词.

A kind of life experience involves personal feeling and direct participation. (这里最好加一个for example之类的)When one person finally see the sun rising slowly from the horizon on the top of Taishan Mountain, after several hours’ climb and plus one night’s waiting, he/she is sure to be so delighted and excited. But if he/she easily see the same sunrise of Taishan Mountain on TV, the feeling is totally different, not excited but very calm. Further, the destination what one plan to visit can provide him/her broader context and more objective display, compared with the information that TV and Internet offer to us. It includes not only more protean natural scenery but also cultural and history atmosphere in which tourists freely visit anything and anywhere that really attract them and form their specific feeling, be the external sensory perception or internal emotion. TV program, say, “around global” of CCTV-4, offer a series of beautiful places but the interpretation of producer from a certain perspective. It is clear that this kind of program is only a part of all and edited by someone’s mind. (这个论据不够充分)Hence, a real tour is all-round and thus indispensable.
What’s more, personal feeling and interests determine largely what will be the emphasis in one’s tour or which place one would prefer to. Communicating with local inhabitants, although it is tough because of language barrier, help us understand different life style and customs, especially for folklorist and those people who like to experience the specific folk-custom, such as Japanese tea arts. Closely observing mural about “flying sky”, a deity in the Buddhism, in Dunhuang arouse historic, religious and aesthetic feeling. If you are a painter, you have much aesthetic feeling than historic emotion. And the focus of visit is different for a painter, a historian or a religious person. In different people’s eyes there have a different “flying sky”. For those people who like surfing, Hawaii is a good choice. For children, Disneyland is more attractive than Pisa Tower. Tourism can satisfy various needs of different people. Some people visit a place for pleasure, fun or relaxation in the holiday, others have to fly from one place to another for the business affairs and spare a leisure time in visiting the attraction. In short, people have different goals during one tour, and these goals cannot attain at home through TV and Internet.这一段又写兴趣,又写目的,感觉还是不够流畅,主要还是连词.想法倒是挺好.呵呵

Although TV and Internet are unable to replace tourism, both of them are still useful for promoting tourism. Before we are prepared for a future tour, we must look up some relative information via Internet, such as historical stories, geographical condition, weather, foods, and national custom. And we also have to know how to set a reasonable course, which includes most of places we are very interesting in. Of course, a simpler way is to find out a Tour Company. Tourists can enjoy a better service at higher price. 后面两句跟整一段没有什么关系.可以舍去.倒是可以举个例子说明电视对旅游业的帮助.以前我写过这篇,举的例子好象是黄磊拍的似水年华让很多人去乌镇旅游.或者瞎掰一个

In sum, advanced media is not an inhibitor but an accelevant for tourism. A wise leader of Tour Company or an officer of national or local government who is engaged in tourism should make use of modern media to promote their tourism and maximize their profits.这一段太仓促了,不过没有掉入摸板的模式,好!
本来早就可以改好了,帮同学找资料找了半天.: (

豌豆UID: 144569

总的来说不错啦

blueseaheartUID: 127701

谢谢豌豆， 还是寄托好，给人一种家的感觉，以后会常来的，也会积极给别人修改文章的。互助互惠嘛。bowing!
ps,我本来想脱离一般的模式少用连词，用句子的内在联系来做到流畅一致，结果看来反而看不清之间的联系了。还有你提的问题正是我比较弱的：逻辑思维较差。

genie05UID: 30358

issue150
150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."

由于电视和全球范围内的计算机网络，人们现在可以熟悉很多以前从未涉足过的地方。其结果就是使得旅游变得过时了。(DISADREE应该谈电子媒体与旅游相比之下的缺陷.旅游本身的优势,以及电子媒体对旅游业的积极影响,旅游并不是ONLY SEE BEAUTIFUL scenery)

开头;如果单纯的把旅游视为欣赏漂亮的或其他有特色的景色scenery,那么现代的电子媒体完全有可能取代旅游业.（要是我写就算只是单纯欣赏景色，它都不能取代，更何况。。。）但是旅游本身是一个复杂的过程,一种有特色的活动,至少到目前为止是找不到它的替代品.电子媒体不可能代替旅游, 相反作为宣传手段,会更好的促进旅游业的发展.
1旅游有各种目的,度假休闲,游览名胜,参观文化故迹,体验风俗民情,新婚旅行,特殊运动,商务.坐在家里看看电视和电脑是无法办到的.
2 旅游是一种直接的生活体验. 很EASY的在电视或网站上看到泰山日出完全的不同与花几个小时辛苦的爬到山顶,再经过一晚的等待,在晨曦中看到日出的景象.而且实地的游览能够提供更宽泛的背景和更客观的呈现.而电视节目或者网站的介绍则狭窄的多,而且受主观的影响.
3Internet能够提供必要的资料,在我们准备旅游之前：即查阅目的地(destination)历史，文化，交通，民族，气候，地质地理，食宿条件有关等情况. 制订行程计划.采购与订票.（更加充分的准备，更加快的决定，更多的旅游次数和机会=>更好的旅游=>更好的旅游发展）

总结:我们应该看到媒体对旅游的促进作用，充分利用媒体的特点，使得更多的人们在条件允许下愿意出游，增进旅游业的发展。
Modern media, say, television and Internet, offers people vast information（如果是“充分，几乎所有”而不是“vast”的话,更加准确，大量的消息不一定会有取代的可能，但如果已经有“充分，几乎所有”的INFORMATION的话，确实应该有OBSOLETE的这种怀疑了） about tourist attraction like the Great Wall, Egypt Pyramids, Hawaii.（and the like.这样感觉会正式一点，不仅仅提供了它们的消息不是吗） Therefore, there is a doubt that whether tourism will become obsolete. As a matter of fact, compared with watching TV or browsing Web pages(网站)/websites, tour is not mere（总觉得是MERELY，不确定，一直分不清楚） a matter of seeing beautiful scenery or reading information, but a complicated（换个词吧，感觉不太好） life experience. In this sense, nothing can replace （take the place of）tourism. 开头写法不错。

Indeed, people can nowbegin to know（不用KNOW） any places that they want to visit or have been visited via television and computer. When one person, lying in the soft sofa or chair, press button of remote control or use mouse or keyboard, he/she can easily become familiar with those strange places（STRANGE好象不是很好吧。旅游不是对STRANGE的地方感兴趣吧） at home. Also（用IN ADDITION好一些吧，好象有人说过ALSO 不是很正式）, they can avoid a long and painful journey and save much money and time. Using TV and computer network seems to be a rapid and convenient way for sightseeing. Yet, does viewing a short movie, reading literal introduction and description, or watching a specific program mean a real tour? No, （it is不要） definitely not. A real tour is NOT only passively visual enjoyment; it should be a direct（为什么要用DIRECT，翻译成中文也不懂） life experience.

（加个连接词）A kind of life experience involves personal feeling and direct participation. When one person finally see the sun rising slowly from the horizon on the top of Taishan Mountain, after several hours’ climb and （plus不要） one night’s waiting, he/she is sure to be so delighted and excited. But if he/she easily see the same sunrise of Taishan Mountain on TV, the feeling is totally different, not excited but very calm. Further, the destination what one plan to visit can provide him/her broader context and more objective display（不是很理解这个句子）, compared with the information that TV and Internet offer（ed） to us. It includes not only more protean natural scenery but also cultural and history atmosphere in which tourists freely visit anything and anywhere that really attract them and form their specific feeling, be the external sensory perception or internal emotion. TV program, say(换一个写法), “around global” of CCTV-4, offer（s） a series of beautiful places but the interpretation of producer from a certain perspective. It is clear that this kind of program is only a part of all and edited by someone’s mind. Hence, a real tour is all-round and thus indispensable.(建议回过头看一下你的句式，很单调。多用一些倒装被动会好一些吧。总是主语+谓语。。。。或者是IT IS太枯燥)

What’s more, personal feeling and interests determine largely what will be the emphasis in one’s tour or which place one would prefer to（这句就可以考虑换倒装）. Communicating with local inhabitants, although it is tough because of language barrier, help us understand different life style and customs, especially for folklorist and those people who like to experience the specific folk-custom, such as Japanese tea arts. Closely observing mural about “flying sky”, a deity in the Buddhism, in Dunhuang arouse historic, religious and aesthetic feeling. If you are a painter, you have much（MORE） aesthetic feeling than historic emotion（语法问题，而且再修改一下比较好，不够漂亮）. And the focus of visit is （are）different for a painter, a historian or a religious person. In different people’s eyes(chinglish) there have a different “flying sky”. For those people who like surfing, Hawaii is a good choice. For children, Disneyland is more attractive than Pisa Tower. Tourism can satisfy various needs of different people. Some people visit a place for pleasure, fun or relaxation in the holiday, others have to fly from one place to another for the business affairs and spare a leisure time in visiting the attraction. In short, people have different goals during one tour, and these goals cannot attain at home through TV and Internet.(这段有点杂，而且赞同豌豆，加一些连词吧)

Although TV and Internet are unable to replace tourism, both of them are still useful for promoting tourism. Before we are prepared for a future tour, we must（必须找吗？不一定吧） look up(look up 不是这样用的) some relative information via Internet, such as historical stories, geographical condition, weather, foods, and national custom（后半句不如换成colleting(gathering) some relative information ……will be wise 或者很有帮助。。。。）. And we also have to know how to set a reasonable course（route??哪一个对？不确定希望指教）, which includes most of places we are very interesting in. Of course, a simpler way is to find out a Tour Company. Tourists can enjoy a better service at higher price. 加个小例子会好点吧

In sum, advanced media is not an inhibitor but an accelevant（accelerant） for tourism. A wise leader of Tour Company or an officer of national or local government who is engaged in tourism should make use of modern media to promote their tourism and maximize their profits(不扣题，为什么要谈LEADER？感觉怪异)

总得来说不错，例子也比较好。多注意一下句式吧。

genie05UID: 30358

最初由 blueseaheart 发布

用句子的内在联系来做到?.

以下省略...... [/B]

以前努力了好久，结果发现还是不能做到，可叹！

blueseaheartUID: 127701

谢谢gebie05 和豌豆的详细批改。
BTW 照这样的水平，能得几分？还有需要练多久才能考试？请指教。

genie05UID: 30358

不知道为什么你们总是关心分数的问题。
首先权威性没有人有把握，还有就是告诉你5，4，3又如何？？
不如好好准备练习。