issue233,教育类,尝试着尽量避免木耳说的几个问题,请各位看看

coolwitsUID: 149150

223"Education is primarily a personal matter; it has little to do with school or college."
教育主要是个人的私事，和中小学或者大学基本上没什么关系。
1.        不同意.
2.        教育不是个人的私事,而是关系到整个社会的发展的事.
3.        学校作为教育的主要场所, 具有先天的优势, 能够保证教育的有效进行.
4.        但是,每个人本身是最了解自己的,能够知道自己的专长和潜质,只有在学校和社会的教育中,加入自己的主观能动性,才能取得最好的教育效果.
In the era of individualism, is education a personal matter that has little to do with school or college? Can the individual choose the way and the content involved in his education regardless social rules as well as moral disciplines? Should society abides noxious heresies’ passing from generation to generation by education? Of course not. While individualism must be confined, education can never be a personal business that is only related to one’s private life.
Education determines much in the social development. The society emphasizes education as an effective method of transmitting to students professional ability, moral standards, and consequently shaping them into democratic, responsible, erudite people who can do contributions to well—being of the whole. If certain education deviates from the principle, what the education can provides are probably selfish even dangerous people that perhaps hamper the progress of society. For example, in the Second World War, young men who were poisoned by chauvinism in Hitler’s war college never showed respect of the culture and the lives of other races’ people. In their opinion, it matters nothing to fire the national museum or to kill children and women outside Germany. With the guidance of values received in their education, they committed a lot of crimes which hurt the feelings of people all over the world, and encumbered the progress of society.
While acting as the major educational places where so many students are shaped together and regularly, Schools or colleges can ensure an well—operated education that does good to both the society and the individual. On one hand, the sound moral standards which are imparted to a lot of students in schools at the same time, if entrenched steadily into students’ minds, can to the most prevent them from doing immoral not to mention evil things, such obviously helps to built a more peaceful, steadier society. On the other hand, the professional knowledge learning, which is regularly carried out in college rather than discretely put forward at the student’s will, can better prepare him into the job market. What’s more, the ability of communicating, the consciousness of competition, and the spirits of teamwork, which are rather helpful in seizing personal success, are better enhanced in schools and colleges where the students gather and share so much with each other.
However, education does a more efficient job if the student regards himself as an active participant rather than a passive receptacle. It is the student himself who knows best his personality, his interests, his ideals, according to which he can adjust his education in a permitted range to suit himself better. For instance, a student who loves music can choose music as his major, in which he will have a happy learning experience and gain more. The behavior of studying everything taught without thinking in ones own brain is to some degree unwise and irresponsible, leading to less happiness and success.
In sum, education is a social course which is related to society as well as individual. The school and college should pay high attention to education and the student react to it actively, after which come the more prosperous society and the truly educated person.

豌豆UID: 144569

今天太晚了，好不容易上得了，再改吧
：）

木耳UID: 123036

最初由 coolwits 发布
[B]看来还是要多练多想，大家给我改的文章我会仔细修改重写，力求能多学点东西
也会尝试给别人改作文的，就是自己水平太臭，怕误人子弟。
各位要是看我改得不好，千万要指出来 [/B]

给别人改的过程也是自己提高的过程,要珍惜这个机会^_^

木耳UID: 123036

In the era of individualism, is education a personal matter that has little to do with school or college? Can the individual（这里应该是泛指，改用 an indibidual） choose the way and the content involved in his education regardless social rules as well as moral disciplines?（can an individual choose spicific ways as well as contents of education prepared for him or her but do not have any connection with the society or schools？这也是我自己编的，你比较一下） Should society abides noxious heresies’ passing from generation to generation（from one generation to another）f by education?（这句话读着不是很明白） Of course not. While individualism must be confined, education can never be a personal business that is only related to one’s private life.

Education determines much in the social development. The society emphasizes education as an effective method of transmitting（这个词好像不是这么用的，手头没字典，你再查一下） to students professional ability, moral standards, and consequently shaping them into democratic, responsible, erudite people who can do contributions to well—being of the whole. If certain education deviates from the principle, what the education can provides are（is） probably selfish even dangerous people that（who更好） perhaps hamper the progress of （加冠词）society. For example, in the Second World War, young men who were poisoned by chauvinism in Hitler’s war college（hitler’s war college？真有真么一个大学？还不如说在大的社会环境的影响下） never showed respect of the culture and the lives of other races’ people. In their opinion, it matters nothing to fire the national museum or to kill children and women outside Germany. With the guidance of values received in their education, they committed a lot of crimes which hurt the feelings of people all over the world, and encumbered the progress of society.（其实是十恶不赦的罪行，which hurt the feelings of people all over the world似乎轻了点。）
第一句你的论点是正面的：教育要给社会提供有用的人才。可接下来突然转到了反面，又用很大的篇幅举了反面的例子。感觉不太好。

While acting as the major educational places where so many students are shaped（这个词用得不好） together and regularly, Schools or colleges can ensure an well—operated education that does good to both the society and the individual（注意单复数以及特指和泛指）.[ On one hand, the sound moral standards which are imparted to a lot of students in schools at the same time, if entrenched steadily into students’ minds, can to the most prevent them from doing immoral not to mention evil things, such obviously helps to built a more peaceful, steadier society.]（超级长句！我读得不是很懂。aimparted to a lot of students in schools 不明白。bat the same time与谁同时？c to the most表示程度？我没见过这么用的。当然真有这样的地道用法是最好的。 d such指代不清。这个长句写得不是很好） On the other hand, the professional knowledge learning, which is regularly carried out in college rather than discretely put forward at the student’s will, can better prepare him into the job market. What’s more, the ability of communicating, the consciousness of competition, and the spirits of teamwork, which are rather helpful in seizing personal success, are better enhanced in schools and colleges where the students gather and share so much with each other.

However, education does a more efficient job if the student regards himself as an active participant rather than a passive receptacle. It is the student himself（students themsevles） who knows best his personality,（改复数） his interests, his ideals, according to which he can adjust his education in a permitted range to suit himself better. For instance, a student who loves music can choose music as his major, in which he will have a happy learning experience and gain more. The behavior of studying everything taught without thinking in ones own brain is to some degree unwise and irresponsible, leading to less happiness and success.

In sum, education is a social course which is related to society as well as individual（复数）. （简单的说 pay high attention to education与你的主体联系不紧密）The school and college（应泛指） should pay high attention to education（加分号；and at the same time，students should be ones who know themselves deeply therefore take good use of education）  and the student（应泛指） react to it actively, after which（which 指代不明。另起一句） come the more prosperous society and the truly educated person（泛指！）.

1 第一段应该举正面的例子。
2 第二端你的论据是针对个人的，可是论点却是does good to both the society and the individual，不符。
3 把你的反面例子另起一段，说明缺乏了个人的独立思考，教育可能成为罪行的帮凶。
4 文中还有不少典型的错误。这个不可一蹴而就，慢慢来吧。

木耳UID: 123036

前几天寄托上不来，现在才发上来。
就是向其他朋友说的，语言方面不顺，再多练练吧。

genie05UID: 30358

最初由 l-sunshine 发布
[B]尽管有些句子没什么语法错误，但就是不顺，也许这就所谓的思维方式差异。我找了几个，希望抛砖引玉。
1.And here in big cities, we can keep on learning a lot, receivi..

以下省略...... [/B]

句子上还可以再斟酌一下。

coolwitsUID: 149150

看来还是要多练多想，大家给我改的文章我会仔细修改重写，力求能多学点东西
也会尝试给别人改作文的，就是自己水平太臭，怕误人子弟。
各位要是看我改得不好，千万要指出来