呼唤RO老师批改作文~

avrisUID：2871917

纠结了一个小时的产物……感觉跑题跑得很远
辛苦老师了！

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

抢个沙发

mpromanusUID：2565872

Do you agree or disagree: college and universities must do a better job of preparing student for the workplace.

Almost every student in university has to confront a formidable task one day-finding jobs. Despite the efforts made merely by students themselves, should colleges and universities give a hand to them to prepare for jobs as well (1. 'despite' means 'in spite of', which means something like 'although <something>, but disregarding it, <something else>', so it's used in contexts with a twist, such as 'despite his efforts, his project failed' or 'despite the obstacles, he managed to succeed'. It doesn't mean quite the same thing as 'regardless'. 'Besides' is probably a better word here; 2. 'merely' is a barely enough/almost not enough kind of 'only', e.g. 'I have food for merely 2 days so if this road-blocking snow continues I'll starve'. It is not the same as 'only'. 'Solely' would probably be a more appropriate word in your context.)? I assure that the answer must be yes. Higher educational institutes are supposed to offer assistance for job preparation, which would benefit not just students, but also companies.(The question isn't quite about whether institutes are 'supposed' to offer job preparation assistance, as if only contrasting with 'not' offering it at all..it's more of a question of giving 'better' assistance, presumably because either currently there is none, or there is some but it's not good enough. So if you want to argue it really properly, the exact topic is more comparative and is in a slightly different angle than what you have here.)

From a student’s perspective, the career orientation provided by the school is of utmost importance. Students who aim for decent jobs will attain ('attain' is usually used for getting to a state or a personal quality, and has a sense of 'higher' achievement through a long period of continuous effort, so you don't usually 'attain' everything objects, but rather e.g. 'attain perfect happiness' or 'attain enlightenment'. If you're just getting everyday things like 'information', the word is 'obtain'.) much more detailed and accurate information with the help of schools than doing those hard works ('work' as meaning 'the effort of labor' is usually uncountable. 'works' in the countable sense usually refer to the physical entities that are produced as the result of working, especially e.g. paintings, writings, music etc., or in a religious context, e.g. phrases like 'the sacred works of Bach', 'the works of God'.) all by themselves. For instance, companies and banks, buttressed (This doesn't quite mean exactly the same thing as 'support', because a 'buttress' is something that props against a wall or something comparable e.g. a tree's trunk, to prevent it from falling down..in other words, if something is 'buttressed', it is supported in the sense that the purpose of the support is likely to prevent it from falling down..which doesn't quite make sense in your context.) by the school authority, always hold campus introductory sessions to attract talented students. Apparently, schools enable those sessions to construct a convenient platform for students to have a face-to-face communication with their career predecessors to acquire first-hand information for better job selection. As a consequence, students will save a large amount of time for collecting valid information and facing dilemmas of choosing a suitable occupation.
Then, what can students do during the surplus time saved by schools? Absolutely make progress (You can't really 'make progress' 'absolutely', because 'absolutely' usually goes with adjectives to mean 'totally, completely, undoubtedly', e.g. 'That's absolutely right', rather than with verbs to mean 'in an absolute manner'.) to be more competitive. They can take more optional courses to get useful skills required by the companies. For example, modern companies incline to hire people who are equipped with proficient computer operation ability (You really could have just said 'people who are computer proficient'. The way you use your language tends to be very formally 'correct' but 'awkward' in meaning.). One can never find a satisfactory job without fundamental knowledge about Microsoft Office.(Cargo truck drivers in the States. It's a very decent paying and flexible job..you only need to work a few months a year to earn enough to go comfortably off for holidays..and they definitely won't reject applicants just because he can't use MS Office..that's just one example. I won't contest your reasoning here but if you really do think one has to know MS Office to find a 'satisfactory' job, then either you haven't seen enough jobs or your definition of 'satisfactory' is rather limited.) Moreover, in academic fields, students will have the additional capacity to choose freely whether learning more sophisticated and deeper knowledge in their own majors, or widen their vision by studying in a different but relevant realm. In spite of (Again, this doesn't mean 'regardless'. It means whatever that comes afterwards didn't have the effect as the reader would have expected it to. So 'in spite of what their choices are' would mean 'even though they made choices but it doesn't matter but they both end up being useless'. It doesn't mean 'it doesn't matter what they choose because either is good'.) what their choices are, they are more competitive for hunting jobs.

Last but not least, employers are glad to see a fiercer recruiting market which is attributed to the assistance of schools in some degree. Staff training expenses and company cost will be declined ('decline' can only mean 'refuse' in the passive voice, because the passive voice means it must a vt. (transitive verb). The meaning of 'decrease' only applies to 'decline' as a vi. (intransitive verb), which you can't put into the passive voice. In other words, you can say '<something> declines' but not '<something> is declined', if 'decline' means to 'decrease'. 'Decrease', on the other hand, is fine, because it means the same thing as a vt. or a vi.) dramatically since graduates are so qualified that they do not need to take extra curriculums (A 'curriculum' is something you do at school, so an 'extra-curriculum' is something you do on top of you school curriculum – i.e. it's something you do while at school. It's not on-the-job training. Training is just, well, training. I appreciate your conscious effort in rephrasing but make sure what you're doing is indeed a rephrase, not a change in meaning..). Furthermore, as I’ve posed before, there will be more employees finding jobs that match their majors and interests. Those who have enough motivation and sense of achievement to work hard will obviously enhance the efficiency and productivity of the company.

To draw a conclusion, colleges and universities are obliged to provide sufficient educational resources to cultivate students in every dimension, including assistance of job preparation. The profound influence of job orientation to the development of a student and also companies can never be exaggerated.

Again I see a very fine grasp on grammar coupled with a lack of understanding in the nuances in vocabulary, especially between words of similar meanings. I'd say this is a bigger problem than 跑题 because you're not actually THAT off, although by my standards there's not quite enough comparison. But back to your vocabulary. Pay attention to collocations and contexts of usage rather than literal meanings. Certain words are used less frequently than others because they require more specific contexts, not because they happen to be longer and harder to spell and sound more 'profound'. E.g. 'make' vs. 'produce' vs. 'manufacture' is progressively more specific, even though you might say they pretty much mean the 'same' thing. Same goes with 'obtain' vs. 'attain'. If you're not sure, go google your word and see what kind of words it often occurs together with.

avrisUID：2871917

我又来了！请看这篇XD

mdangsonUID：2442605

阿姨退化到RO老师的评语都看不懂了

mpromanusUID：2565872

avris 发表于 2013-4-26 02:15
我又来了！请看这篇XD

avrisUID：2871917

啊，写了这么多真是辛苦了！需要好好研究研究……