【独立写作】 同题作文写作之【版主点评】

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

sorry cannot type Chinese, my PC broke down:L

SYNCIAUID: 3130718

4.5 同主题版主点评
紫色：删除
粉色：Stand point
橘色：替换
蓝色：增加
红色：点评
[括号内]为整句替换


版友ID： 乳虎

Do you agree of disagree with the following statement? In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from others

When it comes to the issue whether we should be more like others than be different from others to succeed, some people claim that the people who copy others make less mistakes, in my opinion, however, it is crucial to differ us from others to succeed [if we want success]

In the first place, in such a society full of fierce competition, only those people with innovation can survive, while those guys who copy others would fail. In fact, innovation is the most important capital for success. Consumers becomes more and more innovation-oriented, who want to better goods and service. Technology Technologies and business mode modes change so fast that the followers (What's the meaning of followers? What kind? )can not survive at all. For example, Jobs, the founder of Apple company, is the example of innovation. Jobs succeeds hunting billions of consumers across the world because his strong ability of innovation. The quality of Iphone is the highest in the world.(Tell more about innovation, not only quality) If Jobs only follow other companies and make similar mobile phone, it is impossible for him to succeed in competition and revolutionize the life of every people.

In the second place, the people with strong personality is (are) more popular than those persons who look like others, so the former is more likely to build good relationship with coworkers and succeed. In modern society, interpersonal relationship is a important factor that influence the efficiency of everyone. Those guys with good interpersonal relationship can address any challenge in work. A survey conducted by a Harvard Professor reveals that a series factors influence the possibility for a person to build harmony interpersonal relationship in workplace, such as outlook, behavior norm, education ect, in which the most important one is personality. Those persons who behave in special ways (how do special lifestyles connect with personality? illustrate more)  always attract a lot of followers to work with them, and people feel comfortable to work with them. On the contrary, those people who like following others and copying others always fail to inspire others and unite others, they are so boring that it is a nightmare to work with them. (You need a specific example to prove your point, to behave differently means to have a good relationship? )

Take all above factors into consideration, it is natural to conclude that in order to succeed, we should try to differ ourselves to(from) others rather than make us similar to others.

Organization:
两个论点较明确；
1. 创新助力成功；
2. 性格独立助力人际关系；

从组织上没有什么问题~

Development:
1. 论点一： 作者找到Jobs的例子，本身是没有问题，但是发展单薄，仅仅举了质量好这个例子，但是乔布斯的创新很少被提及；
2. 论点二： 我猜作者的大意应该是独立人格吸引朋友，但是这个论点没有展开论述，只有结论性语言，说服力较弱。

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

我来啦，上周的版主点评完了~补上！

sodapengUID: 3242849

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual


With the development of economy and industry, the environmental issue has attracted more and more attention, when it comes to whether the environmental issue is so complex that it is beyond the realm of individual effort, I agree it.
开头不错，简洁

In the first place, large-scale environment-destroy activities have become an organized crime, even cross-nation crime. According to the cases that occurred recently, the rampant spread of organized crime has become the main threat of environment, such as organized poach（个人感觉这个词不是很常用哎，特别偏的词不一定就很出彩。出彩的一定是用词准确，生动。）. Those criminals have built complete interest chain and complex organization. For example, some big poach organization hunted elephants in Africa, and then sold ivories to Europe and USA. Those organizations are so powerful that it is impossible for individuals to beat them. Actually, government and international organization such as united nation must play necessary role in the fight against those crime organizations.
这段的段首是说environment issue 涉及了crime。但是这篇作文的题目是environment issue 是不是可以被individual 解决。这个段首的段首句，觉得让人摸不着头脑。在我看来，每段的段首句，都是该段的中心，并且应该是和题目密切联系的。所以个人认为这短的段首句应该说，一些涉及环境的问题 太复杂 一个人根本解决不了。然后在后面的例子中说crime

In the second place, environmental issue is tightly related  to the development of economy and the life model of every citizen, so the mere effort of individual is far form enough to overcome those challenges. In modern society, most pollution stems from economy activities of human beings. Greenhouse effect, for instance, stems from the carbon dioxide which factories and motor vehicles emit. Actually, the usage of fossil energy has become the most crucial origin of air pollution. In order to reduce the emission of green-house gas, it is necessary to exploit new energy, such as nuclear energy, wind energy, solar energy and so on. The expense of exploiting clean energy is too large for individuals to afford, rather than, government must budget it. According to modern economic theory, good environment is a kind of basic public good which government should supply. Government should inspire the development of clean energy industry via taxation, legislation，policy and so on.  

In sum, due to the rampant spread of organized crime in environment realm and the tight correlation between environmental issue and the develop model of economy, it is no doubt that the environmental issue is beyond the realm of individual effort.

语言，结构，思路都很赞。除了一点点小的建议。可以算一篇优文~！！

gloria_wwjUID: 3426348

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... D194%26typeid%3D194
求批改！！

petergu20UID: 3428601

好帖子应该置顶，顶一个

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place

id：buyadeid

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the statement ？  the world is changing so quickly that people now are less happy or less satisfied than in the past ?
ID: 翼_yoyoyoyoy
附件：

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
ID: buyadeid
附件：

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read the newspapersand magazines from that country.
ID: Enolate

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.
ID: 翼_yoyoyoyoy

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.
ID: Irene1084

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read the newspapersand magazines from that country.
ID: wanderer_2011

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read the newspapersand magazines from that country.
作者：adrian小豆

糖甜甜UID: 3362181

秋雨荆州 发表于 2013-5-15 23:35
题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to learn about a foreign c ...

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