issue62 恳请大家批评指教,谢谢

Ivy0929UID: 149906

issue62, 这是我的第十篇了，我的理解是这个题目关键在于self-improvement 和intrinsically deficient的关系问题, 我认为self-improvement 可以克服intrinsically deficient,但不是根本目的,最根本的是为了适应社会的快速发展.不知道我的逻辑是否正确,所用的例子是否恰当.麻烦各位!

62”The widespread idea that people should make self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient.”

In this conspicuous society filled with intense competition, self-improvement of modern people becomes increasingly important. While some people assert that the widespread idea that people should make
self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient. When it comes to my opinion, first, it is undeniable that on one in the world is perfect but deficient, second, to keep self-improvement is more the requirement, or force, of the technological and social advancement than the demand of the deficient of people.

First of all, it is a common sense that there is nothing and nobody perfect, and the perfection is always a supreme, but unavailable aim human beings have been pursuing for. A popular example is that there is no sunshine so warm and brilliant that we won’t yearn for a more florid one, and this assumption works well to a person that no one is so perfect that he or she won’t desire to be more healthy by doing exercises, more beautiful via keeping a reasonable diet, wiser through learning and richer by means of hard working, and so on. Accordingly, all people are intrinsically deficient and human beings have never ceasing the pursuing of perfection by endlessly improving themselves.

On the second place, only by unceasing self-improvement and making it a primary goal in people’s lives can human beings be able to overcome and conquer their defects to such a degree that they become relatively approximate to perfection. A striking example for this is that it is during the process of self-improving that human beings have wined a profound understanding of the universe. From the germinal view that the earth is in a fixed position at the center of the universe, which is completely wrong, to Copernicus’s theory that the earth evolves around the sun, to the corroborating observation of Galileo, and ultimately to Newton’s principles of gravity upon which all modern science depends, human beings have not only greatly enhanced themselves but also gradually rectified their deficient recognition of the universe.

Nevertheless, it is more the requirement of the rapidly developing and increasingly changing society rather than the simple supplement the drawbacks of people that people should make self-improvement a lifelong goal. First, unlike Aristotle who is believed to know everything there was to know at the time he lived, it is impossible for us to have command of all the voluminous amounts of information and knowledge of the present highly advanced society. Second, innumerous new knowledge is produced daily and the knowledge of human has been increasing at an unbelievable pace. Thus, every one should keep on lifelong learning to absorb new knowledge and technique in order to improve the job, to broaden and widen his or her ken, to keep up with the pace of the society and to avoid being left behind peers, and in short, to improve themselves to be able to adapt to the increasingly complicated society full of drastic competition.

In sum, although human beings are indeed instinctively deficient, the requirement of making self-improvement a primary goal in people’s lives due more to the increasingly complicated and conspicuous society rather than people’s instinct defects, which can be supplemented in the process of human individuals’ self-improvement.

ken0405UID: 124994

All is for love????
呵呵.

ken0405UID: 124994

62”The widespread idea that people should make self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient.”
In this conspicuous society filled with intense competition, self-improvement of modern people becomes increasingly important. While some people assert that the widespread idea that people should make self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient. When it comes to my opinion, first, it is undeniable that on one in the world is perfect but deficient, （；）second, (to keep 多余，去掉) self-improvement is more the requirement, or force, of the technological and social advancement than the demand of the deficient of people.（用is the result of social advancement rather than the demand of the human deficiency.）

First of all, it is a common sense that there is nothing and nobody perfect, and （that 这样好懂一些）the perfection is always a supreme这个词用在这里准吗？（,去掉） but unavailable aim human beings have been pursuing for. A popular example is that there is no sunshine so warm and brilliant that we won’t yearn for a more florid one, and this assumption works well to a person that no one is so perfect that he or she won’t desire to be more healthy by doing exercises, more beautiful via keeping a reasonable diet, wiser through learning and richer by means of hard working, and so on.你这些例子没有起到很好的support的作用。你有点侧重于人们不断追求完美了（你说人们认为自己不完美，而应该是人在观上是不完美的，比如：谁都会犯错咯。没有人事事都精通咯。），而这个不是重点。 Accordingly, all people are intrinsically deficient and human beings have never ceasing the pursuing of perfection by endlessly improving themselves.

On the second place, only by unceasing self-improvement and making it a primary goal in people’s lives can human beings be able to overcome and conquer their defects to such a degree that they become relatively（用gradually） approximate to perfection. A striking example for this is that it is during the process of self-improving that human beings have wined a profound understanding of the universe. From the germinal view that the earth is in a fixed position at the center of the universe, which is completely wrong, to Copernicus’s theory that the earth evolves around the sun, to the corroborating observation of Galileo, and ultimately to Newton’s principles of gravity (upon which all modern science depends不太对哟),最后应该是einstein的时空观） human beings have not only greatly enhanced themselves but also gradually rectified their deficient recognition of the universe.

Nevertheless（你只是反对speaker观点的一部分，用nevertheless好吗？而且是在最后一段）, it is （more去掉） the requirement of the rapidly developing and increasingly changing society rather than the （simple supplement the去掉，记住不要把自己的issue搞得很难懂） drawbacks of people that people should make self-improvement a lifelong goal. First, unlike Aristotle who is believed to know everything there was to know at the time he lived, it is impossible for us to have command of all the voluminous amounts of information and knowledge of the present highly advanced society.（这个小观点和你这段的point有什么关系？其实你在first这里可以说世界的发展和变化到底有多快啊，再有以前的一些观点和方法已经过时不适用） Second, innumerous new knowledge is produced daily and the knowledge of human has been increasing at an unbelievable pace. Thus, every one should keep on lifelong learning to absorb new knowledge and technique in order to improve the job, to broaden and widen his or her ken, to keep up with the pace of the society and to avoid being left behind (peers这个词不准吧？), and in short, to improve themselves to be able to adapt to the increasingly complicated society full of drastic competition（，加一个which plays as a precondition for everyone’s survival也许会跟好）.这段应该适当的多写点。

In sum, although human beings are indeed instinctively deficient, the requirement of making self-improvement a primary goal in people’s lives due more to the increasingly complicated and conspicuous society rather than people’s instinct defects, which can be supplemented in the process of human individuals’ self-improvement..干脆利索，我喜欢。
因为你选择论述的角度的关系。这个issue3段间的联系不太多。但是我认为没关系。只要你没段都有一个完整的论述过程就好。对于每一个issue，我们唯一可以做的就是找到对自己来说合适的切入点，做一个自圆其说的论述。那就很好了。

最后我想说，大家一定要相互修改作文（好人从点滴做起哟）
呵呵。

imongUID: 140258

While some people assert that the widespread idea that people should make self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient. 如果开头是while的话那就是要引导从句啦，怎么到后来又变成单独的句子？

it is undeniable that on one（on one？） in the world

unavailable（好像不是unavailable？我也说不太清楚，建议复查一下） aim

pursuing for（我怎么有种感觉pursue后面不是for? 但是我的字典上没有查到，只查到了in pursuit of）

A striking example for this is that it is during the process of self-improving that human beings have wined a profound understanding of the universe. 不觉得各种各样的指示代词用得有点乱？

今天很晚了，肚子又有点饿，随随便便挑几个小毛病说一说，有点偷懒了 :D

还有，ken你一直都没有读我给你的pm吗？我看到你在线可是pm一直都是unread.

Ivy0929UID: 149906

谢谢imong! 这几个小毛病我都不曾注意到。
unavailable应该是inaccessible，
pursue应该直接加宾语。

我按照你们的意见把文章修改了一下，你们看看觉得怎么样？谢谢！

62”The widespread idea that people should make self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient.”

In this conspicuous society filled with intense competition, self-improvement of modern people becomes increasingly important. Some people assert that the widespread idea that people should make self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient. When it comes to my opinion, first, it is undeniable that everyone in the world is not perfect but deficient; second, self-improvement is more the result of social advancement rather than the demand of the human deficiency.

First of all, it is a common sense that there is nothing and nobody perfect, and that the perfection is always the highest but inaccessible aim human beings have been pursuing. A compelling argument in favor of people’ intrinsically defect is that everyone will make mistakes, however preeminent he or she is. Newton, one of the greatest scientists in the world, who had indulged into the illusion of being immortal in his last decades of life, is such a case in this point. Another argument is that nobody is able to master all the knowledge and skills in the modern world. Accordingly, it is due to not only human’s nature but also the objective limitation that all people are intrinsically deficient.

On the second place, only by unceasing self-improvement and making it a primary goal in people’ lives can human beings be able to overcome and conquer their defects to such a degree that they become gradually approximate to perfection. A striking example for this point is that it is during the process of self-improving that human beings have obtained a profound understanding of the universe. From the germinal view that the earth is in a fixed position at the center of the universe, which is completely wrong, to Copernicus’s theory that the earth evolves around the sun, to the corroborating observation of Galileo, and ultimately to Newton’s principles of gravity upon which all modern science depends, human beings have not only greatly enhanced themselves but also gradually rectified their deficient recognition of the universe.

In the final analysis, what should be pointed out is that self-improvement is the requirement of the rapidly developing and increasingly changing society rather than the drawbacks of people. First, innumerous new knowledge is produced daily and the knowledge of human has been increasing at an unbelievable pace. Second, great changes have been taken place in the world, and countless rules and regulations that have ever been correct are not fit to the present-day society any longer. Thus, every one should keep on lifelong learning to absorb new information and technique in order to improve the job, to broaden and widen his or her ken, to keep up with the pace of the society and to avoid being left behind the others, and in short, to improve themselves to be able to adapt to the increasingly complicated society full of drastic competition，which serves as a precondition for everyone’s survival

In sum, although human beings are indeed instinctively deficient, the requirement of making self-improvement a primary goal in people’ lives due more to the increasingly complicated and conspicuous society rather than people’ instinct defects, which can be supplemented in the process of human individuals’ self-improvement.