请问可以不可以帮忙批改一下大作文~谢谢各位了~

smallfish195UID: 2776982

头一次在寄托发帖，还有一个月就要考了，作文还是没底，想求各位帮忙看看。。这个是剑7test1大作文。在此谢过了！m-_-m
题目：
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

我的作文：
In general, some people are believed born with certain talents, for instance for sport, music. But only talent can hardly make people become a real artist or sport person, it is necessary to teach children with or without special talent if they want to become musicians or sport persons.
Actually, there indeed are some people born with certain talent. They will show their talent at an early age, such as at a race game or a sing context in primary school. They will do better than the other children. Some of them will be picked out sending into professional team or college to get further education. And they may grow up to be a musician or sport person. However, without the training or further education, they may waste their talent.
There are also many children born without talent being taught to become a good sport person or musician. Most of them can be successful. Further more, even disable person can be a good sport man, musician or artist. They may born with talent or without talent and lose their basic ability to live as other do for some reason. But after hard working and training, they can do as well as others, even more, better than other people in some fields. Examples for this is what the outstanding athletes show to us on the Paralympics games every four years. So it is a persuasive evidence to prove that people without talent can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Talent can be seen as a given gift to people by god. But what makes people become a valuable and outstanding man is the further education the get. The key to successful is getting education and working hard.