second TWE (welcome anyone to give me advice and thanks)

xingmeiUID: 118383

“When people success, it is because of hard work, luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you agree or disagree with the above quotation? Use special examples and reasons to explain your position.   

The proverb, chance inclines to the preparing person, is a powerful evidence to enhance the opinion-----success belongs to people who work hard. However, luck should not be neglect absolutely, for the role luck plays in the process of success might transfer adversity into opportunity. Consequently, taking both hard work and luck into account, one would increase the chance of success.

First of all, hard work is the premise of success, whether in the field of scientific research, business, political career, or anything alike. My advisor, who have devoted all his life into Pharmaceutical research and made great contribution of establishing modern Pharmaceutical model, always instruct me: if you want to be successful one day, work hard; if you want to make contribution to the society, work hard; if you want to fulfill your personal achievement, work hard. it is likely to tell me that hard work is fundamental for success.

Furthermore, during the process of accessing success, each step is branded with endeavor. A student has to face the challenges with energy when he/she explores mysterious world in his/her academic field to attaint the achievement of his/her study; a businessman has to concentrate his/her attention on competing with his/her rivals for the limited resources, customs, proportion of market and so on; a politic has to drive endeavor to draw up effective and efficient policies to earn votes from constituents. All of them would be a loser when they distract vigour from their businesses and would be under an inferior position.

While the importance of work hard, luck is another indispensable element contributing to success. This may be illustrated by comparing the success with cultivating a seeding. Luck is the soil for the seeding to grow up, and hard work is the fertilizer to accelerate the growth of the seeding; each one is essential. Without soil, a seeding would be shortage of necessary sources for developing; without fertilizer, a seeding would be atrophic. It is precisely the same with success; to the extent that luck provides the chance of success and hard work is conducive to capture the opportunity.

To sum up, not only hard work contributes to success, but luck is indispensable as well. hard work equips people with prerequisites for success, while luck offers the possibility of success; they complement and dependent on each other.

ballackxjjUID: 134855

第一段我觉得直接引用你导师的话不太好。导师的话本来就需要去证明，因为它与你此段的中心是一回事。你没有时间和空间展开论证。给人的感觉是你只是展开了论题而没有证明过程。这样写无法支持你的理由段。还不如说你的导师是怎么用功，最后取得很好的成绩。写实例很重要。写作要以论证写作中心展开

第三段个理由段你的比喻我感觉不太正确。你是说hard working is prerequisite,is premise，你就应该把它比喻成土壤。而运气是fertilizer。还有，此段首句好像while用得不太对


语言方面还可以，但还能加工，还是有语法问题的，以你的英语水平自己再改一改就可以了。相信多写几篇你会写得很好的^-^

zysznUID: 134535

Well done. 5.5

xingmeiUID: 118383

总得感觉这个题目太抽象了，没办法写的太具体，所以在论证的过程也显得很无力。
谢谢