ISSUE24 上次的写得不好，现在重新写了，请多多指教

beckhamwiseUID: 142845

24. People in  position of power are most effective when they exercise caution and restraint in the use of that power.

Position: Caution and restraint in the use if power often proves more effective than the abuse of power.
A) Restraint and caution prevent people from making mistakes.
B) Irresponsible use of power will bring negative influences.
C) Caution and restraint should not inhibit innovations.

It is more likely fot those in position of power to abuse it,which leads to something that we are not willing to see. How to prevent the occurence of this kind is a crucial for everyone of us. Restraint and caution is the key. In fact, caution and restraint in the use of power often proves more effective than the abuse of power.

First of all, restraint and caution , to an extent, prevent people from making mistakes which are destructve. Each of us makes mistakes, and it seems unavoidable. However, some kinds of mistakes are so tiny that they cannot hinder our works, while, on the other hand, some are not foibles, but blunders, which may trouble our businesses and to be much worse, destroy it. As to the latter sort, it is important for those in power to prevent them to be effective. Then what should we do? Execising caution and restraint, in some sense, is a good mehthod. Being cautious to whatever you do, at least to whay are important, there are certainly less chances to make mistakes, for you really think twice before leap. After this turns into a habit in your mind, it will be natural that you will know what to do and what not. In another word, a range of the "does" and "don'ts", that is to say, restraint has formed. Just behave within this range and it is unlikely for you to make blunders that bring you ineffectiveness.

Futher more, irresponsible use of power influenced negatively. Everyone, especially those in position of power, is supposed to be responsible for his career, and to the whole society. The power in hand, if well-used, will be effective , but , if abuse, will bring negative influences. Before a deeper analysis, let us put our eyes on Enron, a big company in the US, which was involved in the event of feigned account. The irresponsibility of its president, as well as the accountants, drops the corperation from the acme to the nadir. As a leader, who is in power, has an obligation to be responsible for his work and underlings, for the reason that his power is not only concerned with himself, but also with his staff, and even some others. Once he does not care about the aftermath and do something irresponsibly, a negative, or bad influence is incorrigible, and a lot of people will suffer it. As a consequence, to be effective, irresponsible use of power must be eradicated.

Finally, caution and restraint do not mean fearing of doing anything new. The development of mankind is just based on innovations. Finding better ways to ameliorate the effect of power is power-persons' duty. Caution and restraint only regulate the behaviors to be effective and beneficial, not inhibit scitilating thoughts and ideals. Roosvelt, whose New Policy extricated the US from the Depression Days, is the paradigm. What would it be if he were restricted in conventions and did not dare to take measures? Maybe the US would not be what it is today. Caution and restraint never kill innovations, and that is an important factor that they make effectiveness.

To be conclusive, for those in position of power who want to be most effective, they should keep cautious in the use of power. Caution and restraint will make them more effective and our society much better.

木耳UID: 123036

24. People in position of power are most effective when they exercise caution and restraint in the use of that power.

Position: Caution and restraint in the use if power often proves more effective than the abuse of power.
A) Restraint and caution prevent people from making mistakes.
B) Irresponsible use of power will bring negative influences.
C) Caution and restraint should not inhibit innovations.

It is more likely fot those in position of power to abuse it,which leads to something that we are not willing to see. How to prevent the occurence of this kind is a crucial for everyone of us. Restraint and caution is the key. In fact, caution and restraint in the use of power often proves more effective than the abuse of power.

First of all, restraint and caution , to an extent, prevent people from making mistakes which are destructve. Each of us makes mistakes, and it seems unavoidable. However, some kinds of mistakes are so tiny that they cannot hinder our works, while, on the other hand, some are not foibles, but blunders, which may trouble our businesses and to be much worse, destroy it. As to the latter sort, it is important for those in power to prevent them to be effective.(有些罗嗦) Then what should we do? Execising caution and restraint, in some sense, is a good mehthod. Being cautious to whatever you do, at least to whay(注意拼写) are(但复数) important, (另起一句比较好)there are certainly less chances to make mistakes, for you really think twice before leap. After this turns into a habit in your mind,(这半句读着有些别扭) it will be natural that you will know what to do and what not. In another word, a range of the "does" and "don'ts", that is to say, restraint has formed.(in another word 和that is to say 有些重复,没必要讲两次,简明一些似乎更好.) Just behave within this range and it is unlikely for you to make blunders that bring you ineffectiveness.

注意,这篇的中心论述对象是People in position.你的意思可能是一种演绎法,就是从一种一般的情况推演到people in power.不过在字数和时间的限制下,这样做就由分散中心和跑题的嫌疑.而且一般任何people in power还是有很大差别的.

纯粹的推理论证可以尝试,但开头那一段有些罗嗦了.而且个人总觉得这样做还是数福利不够强.

Futher more, irresponsible use of power influenced negatively. Everyone, especially those in position of power, is supposed to be responsible for his career and to the whole society.(对自己和整个社会负责其实也是每一个人的责任.people in power 的不同之处其实更在于他的行为的更具社会性和公共性,更具一般人所不能比的影响力.应该强调一下) The power in hand, if well-used, will be effective , (者利用分号比较好)but , if abuse, will bring negative influences. Before a deeper analysis, let us put our eyes on Enron(是安然吧?), a big company in the US, which was involved in the event of feigned account. The irresponsibility of its president, as well as the accountants, drops the corperation from the acme to the nadir. As a leader, who is in power, has an obligation to be responsible(obligation 和responsible都是负责的意思.用一个就好了.)  for his work and underlings, for the reason that his power is not only concerned with himself, but also with his staff, and even some others.(用concern with 似乎不大好,太笼统了一些.还有读完这句话发现前面的responsible用的也笼统了.还是要针对people in power选择用词. be more careful about his power什么的是不是更好一些?)Once he does not care about the aftermath and do something irresponsibly, a negative, or bad influence is incorrigible, and a lot of people will suffer it. As a consequence, to be effective, irresponsible use of power must be eradicated.

再用词上多注意结合主题.像这一段的很多地方换一个词,换一种表达更能体现主题.

结构还是很好的.

Finally, caution and restraint do not mean fearing of doing anything new. The development of mankind is just based on innovations. Finding better ways to ameliorate the effect of power is power-persons' duty. Caution and restraint only regulate the behaviors to be effective and beneficial, not inhibit scitilating thoughts and ideals. Roosvelt, whose New Policy extricated the US from the Depression Days, is the paradigm. What would it be if he were restricted in conventions and did not dare to take measures? Maybe the US would not be what it is today. Caution and restraint (should)never kill innovations, and that is an important factor that they make effectiveness.

读到这里突然发现一个问题:most effective 到哪里去了?你只是讲了:
1 谨慎和限制防止错误
2 当权者要对自己的行为负责
3 限制不能成为创新的绊脚石

可是忽略了most effective.我想还是对题目的理解有些细微的偏差吧.似乎更多的篇幅应该放在分析when they exercise caution and restraint in the use of that power之后所出现的情况,讨论是否most effective

To be conclusive, for those in position of power who want to be most effective, they should keep cautious in the use of power. Caution and restraint will make them more effective and our society much better.

总的说还是很不错的.加油!

roy_wengUID: 142453

let me try!


It is more likely fot those in position of power to abuse it,which leads to something that we are not willing to see. How to prevent the occurence of this kind is a crucial for everyone of us. Restraint and caution is the key. In fact, caution and restraint in the use of power often proves more effective than the abuse of power.

First of all, restraint and caution , to an extent, prevent people from making mistakes which are destructve. Each of us makes mistakes, and it seems unavoidable. However, some kinds of mistakes are so tiny that they cannot hinder our works, while, on the other hand, some are not foibles, but blunders, which may trouble our businesses and to be much worse, destroy it. As to the latter sort, it is important for those in power to prevent them to be effective. Then what should we do? Execising caution and restraint, in some sense, is a good mehthod. Being cautious to whatever you do, at least to whay are important, there are certainly less chances to make mistakes, for you really think twice before leap. After this turns into a habit in your mind, it will be natural that you will know what to do and what not. In another word, a range of the "does" and "don'ts", that is to say, restraint has formed. Just behave within this range and it is unlikely for you to make blunders that bring you ineffectiveness.
在文中，作者没有很好的把这个问题用在people in power 上,并且过多的强调错误本身；
我想作者可以从"对people in power 来说，没有restraint和caution，mistakes很容量出现，然后从restraint和caution如何帮助people in power 减少mistakes"这个角度来写会好一点。^_^


Futher more, irresponsible use of power influenced negatively. Everyone, especially those in position of power, is supposed to be responsible for his career, and to the whole society. The power in hand, if well-used, will be effective , but , if abuse, will bring negative influences. Before a deeper analysis, let us put our eyes on Enron, a big company in the US, which was involved in the event of feigned account. The irresponsibility of its president, as well as the accountants, drops the corperation from the acme to the nadir. As a leader, who is in power, has an obligation to be responsible for his work and underlings, for the reason that his power is not only concerned with himself, but also with his staff, and even some others. Once he does not care about the aftermath and do something irresponsibly, a negative, or bad influence is incorrigible, and a lot of people will suffer it. As a consequence, to be effective, irresponsible use of power must be eradicated.
我认为作者如果从”没有restraint的power会带来negative影响“来写
要比单单从”权力滥用的negative影响“来说效果会更好：）

Finally, caution and restraint do not mean fearing of doing anything new. The development of mankind is just based on innovations. Finding better ways to ameliorate the effect of power is power-persons' duty. Caution and restraint only regulate the behaviors to be effective and beneficial, not inhibit scitilating thoughts and ideals. Roosvelt, whose New Policy extricated the US from the Depression Days, is the paradigm. What would it be if he were restricted in conventions and did not dare to take measures? Maybe the US would not be what it is today. Caution and restraint never kill innovations, and that is an important factor that they make effectiveness.
这段和中心有什么关系吗？

To be conclusive, for those in position of power who want to be most effective, they should keep cautious in the use of power. Caution and restraint will make them more effective and our society much better.

总的感觉是论证不够充分，似乎没有紧扣中心来写。
个人愚见，难免会有偏颇，不要见怪^_^