TWE第二篇－兄弟姐妹帮忙看看[重要]

背对月光的旅行UID: 151698

Topic 14: Some students participate in school activities such as clubs and sports. Other students do not take part in such activities because they spend more time on their studies. Tell why you think the two groups of students spend their time differently. Which type of student do you prefer to be? Explain why.


I think both school activities and studies can benefit us and they are not conflicted with each other. Although studying hard is the focus in our school life, it is by no means the only thing that we should do. I remember an English proverb which says “All work and no play makes jack a dull boy”。Therefore, as a general rule, I prefer to take part in school activities in spare time.
Spending more time on studies will probably contribute to a good academic performance. For example, we can have a good knowledge of our academic field, get satisfied marks and win many scholarships. Furthermore, concentrating on studies can also make us more specialized. All those may provide us with better opportunities when we are searching for jobs.
Nonetheless, I consider that participating in school activities is more advantageous. First of all, we can enjoy a variety of interests in different activities. For instance, you may find a movie that you have been longing for after you joining a movie club. Joining a football club, you can feel a sense of strength when you are watching a match with other club members. But the most exciting thing is that you find that there are so many students who share your hobbies.
In addition, participating in activities is helpful to enrich our personalities. For example, you must take a lot of hard practices once you join in a basketball club, which can assist you to cooperate with others as well as keep a good health. That will be benefit to your career life in the future. And what’s more, the hard practices can reinforce your belief of overcoming difficulties when you are frustrated with adversities.
The last but not the least advantage is that participating in activities can give us a broad outlook to life. We can communicate with students of different majors about various of topics and make different types of new friends, which may lead new adventures, new career opportunities and new life.
Of course, there are a few students who spend too much time on school activities and get bad study performances, however, it is occasional. Focus on study is only one aspect, and what we need is an all-round development. Hence it is essential for us to take part in some school activities in our spare time.

这是我的第二篇TWE。由于是一开始写，所以在时间上对自己要求
不是很严格，想首先应该尽量避免犯错误。还请兄弟姐妹多帮忙看看，提出具体意见。BOW//....

yadcxUID: 93144

从题目来看，要求你回答两个问题：第一，为什么不同的人选择不同的时间安排方式；第二，你喜欢哪一种安排方式？为什么？
按照这样的要求，你的文章应该是要分别回答这两个问题。首先是为什么不同的人选择不同的时间安排——这是主要的；然后才是你喜欢哪一种——这是次要的。
在论述的过程中应该注意论证的层次，尽量把论证的主体放在一起。而反面的，对应的，对比的东西不能冲淡了文章的论证主题，因此可以放在后面并简单叙述就可以了。不要一会儿写A一会儿又写B，这样的逻辑比较混乱而且文章结构不是很紧凑。

背对月光的旅行UID: 151698

在胡敏的范文中我练习的题目属于第二类。即类似于“some people like different friends. others like similar friends. compare the advantage of these two kinds of friends. which kind of friends do you prefer? explain why”给出的写作模式是：
第一段：引言（用自己的语言解释命题，肯定两种观点的合理性）
第二段：论述反对观点的优点
第三段：论述自己支持的观点的论据一
第四段：论述自己支持的观点的论据二
（第五段：论述自己支持的观点的论据三）
第六段：结论（略提反对观点的正确性，转折后，明确重申自己的立场）
我是根据这个模式写的，可是yadcx一提，我也觉得有道理，感觉自己写跑题了。
究竟我该怎么办？兄弟姐妹救救我吧。BOW//...

chusuifengUID: 15381

我帮你看看
稍等

chusuifengUID: 15381

赫赫  说实话我觉得你写的很好 真的很好 用词很流畅 没啥语法错误
你的结构或许可以稍微改变点
先挑明你的观点（其实你是赞同Some students participate in school activities such as clubs and sports.）
然后把你后边描写activities 的三条摆到前面去
写完了 activities 你就来个转折
“on the other hand, study is still the key part of the school life" 然后写写 学习对于学生的重要性
然后来个结尾就差不多了 赫赫
我的一点拙见

presentationUID: 151906

你的用词很丰满，可是我就不行，
已经写了很多篇，但总是那么几个简单的词汇，脑子里什么也没有
旅行者能给点建议吗？
先谢谢了

背对月光的旅行UID: 151698

首先谢谢楚随风提出的意见。其实文章很多地方都是借鉴的别人的。
至于presentation 提出的用词问题。这个我是这样做的，我到现在看了一共3篇范文，觉得文章用词不错的地方就随手在草稿纸上写一下，加深印象。没有必要背诵文章，但是文章的观点，论据是什么要搞清楚。还有就是文章的结构。然后自己写，我对时间暂时没什么要求，基本的就是要求用词不重复，不要像第一篇那样犯N多的语法错误，不跑题，就好了。然后再慢慢提高吧，虽然所剩的时间不多，而我每一天还要为我的试验而忙碌，但是我还不想放弃。就当是练练手也好，最起码有一个经历的过程，还能积累点经验呢。呵呵。
还希望高手再帮忙提提意见，看我究竟是不是跑题了。谢谢兄弟姐妹。

presentationUID: 151906

非常感谢旅行者的指点
我的量变并没有显著提高质变，也许有很多是需要仔细琢磨的
其实，你比我强，我为了考T已经把实验停了，考完后等待来年开题，忙啊