求助！！！

wangliubishengUID: 3361351

charlottely 发表于 2013-6-18 08:19
那你这里的issue就指的是whether university education should prepare students for employment or help t ...

麻烦您帮我看个作文，能不能到6分，我有点儿超时了，不过是第一次写。。
题目
1. Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. We have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?　
作文，
　Environmental problems are increasingly becoming the focus of government and citizen concern around the globe. An increasing number of people believe that the only way to protect the environment is to cooperate with other country. To great extent, i disagree with the opinion for the following reason:
　　As we all known, along with the development technology and sciences, natural energy resources such as coal and oil are apparently running out quickly and are not renewable.each household and family produce a large amount of waste every week.the number of vehicles is increasing much more rapidly than building of road. All those contribute directly to environmental problems such as air pollution, lack of water and fuel energy, and globe warning.
　　In order to solving those problems, each country not only should meet with collaboration across national boundaries, but also need each country and person make awareness of their unique role in environment protection.
　　As my point of view, each country has its own weaknesses in environmental protection, so it is essential for them to be supervised by others. However,it is not without problems. to achieve consensus on the step, it may take more time.
　　On the contrary, I held firm belief that each country should spare no effort to deal with it depends on their own situation.for the developed country, they should do more on the problem of emission, even though, which can slow down their industrial production. For developing country, it is crucial that government should raises citizen's awareness of conserving resources and recycling them.then, the authorities must focus on building infrastructure.such as increase the number of public buses.it would be an effective way of reducing emissions as well as causing congestion. For the daily life, each person, no matter what country you come from, need use resources properly.
　　Overall, in term of easing the environmental problems, it is more important for us to do what we can, not the way we used.            322
　　

wrathUID: 2704440

wangliubisheng 发表于 2013-6-22 10:23
您能不能帮忙看一下作文，这样写能不能到6分，，我用了50分钟左右，，，，主要还是不太熟练，第一次写
1 ...

作文我比较无力了...

你自己对照范文研究结构吧

参考下这个帖子https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1322172-1-1.html

appicaseUID: 3447468

The issue of whether university education should prepare students for employment or help students acquire theoretical knowledge should be done is a complex one,since it involves a conflict between the significant of theoretical knowledge and practical skill for students to acquire.IN my point of view,the final judgment should depend on a case-by-case analysis of the two situation.

1.第一句混乱，or后面的半句出现3个动词，help, acquire, should。看着改把。
2.第一句since逗号不合适
3.since后面的between..and...不明确，significant 不知道在那干嘛 for student ...等也不明白在那干嘛
4.two situations，漏了s
5.第一句句子实在太长，重点意思不明确了

charlottelyUID: 3284238

wangliubisheng 发表于 2013-6-22 10:20
没有给例句，，他就是说 the issue of whether ......should be done is a complex one...

The issue of whether the decision should be made is a complex one.
这样是不是清楚些？whether...should be done之间跟着两个选择项貌似不是太对吧？而且这个done 应该是需要被做为动词的过去分词来理解的吧。
“某件事情到底该不该被做”这个问题是很复杂的。而不是“哪件或哪件事情到底该不该被做”这个问题是很复杂的。这个whether something should be done指的是中间这一个something，如果用something 1 or something 2 should be done的话，到底should be done的是哪个something呢？
这样理解对么？
开头是随便想的一个例句，觉得用这个例句来解释的话会更清楚一点。
有错误欢迎指正...

appicaseUID: 3447468

wangliubisheng 发表于 2013-6-22 10:23
您能不能帮忙看一下作文，这样写能不能到6分，，我用了50分钟左右，，，，主要还是不太熟练，第一次写
1 ...

困难。
1. 开头的陈述跟文章论证完全相反。
2.句子错误率太高, 影响理解。
3.背的套的句子太多。不符合逻辑，不符合语境和上下文连贯。
4.字数太多了点。

wangliubishengUID: 3361351

charlottely 发表于 2013-6-22 21:56
The issue of whether the decision should be made is a complex one.
这样是不是清楚些？whether...sh ...

懂了，，，，谢谢！！！！！

charlottelyUID: 3284238

wangliubisheng 发表于 2013-6-23 13:45
懂了，，，，谢谢！！！！！

恩 不客气

wangliubishengUID: 3361351

appicase 发表于 2013-6-22 23:21
困难。
1. 开头的陈述跟文章论证完全相反。
2.句子错误率太高, 影响理解。

能不能说具体点儿，，本人写作实在太差，要是按我自己的思路，语言就会特白，没有什么亮点词汇，所以才看了一些句子，记下来，，，，混乱中。。。。。

appicaseUID: 3447468

wangliubisheng 发表于 2013-6-24 10:10
能不能说具体点儿，，本人写作实在太差，要是按我自己的思路，语言就会特白，没有什么亮点词汇，所以才看 ...

我觉得。。写清楚就好。用不着去追求亮点词汇。表达明白已经很不容易了