issue119 When research priorities are being set for science

LiunaUID: 150270

"When research priorities are being set for science, education, or any other area, the most important question to consider is: how many people's lives will be improved if the results are successful?"

Nowadays, more and more multifarious researches are being undertaken nearly in every country on the earth, so we are facing the urgent question that what kind of research should be most paid attention to and supported. Some people prefer that researches in science, education, or any other area, should primarily aim at the improvement of majority's lives, either directly or indirectly. Personally, I agree with them.

Many far-reaching accomplishments of various researches have boosted our lives at their individual era, though now, they seems to be out-dated. We can easily find lots of precise examples in precedent century only. Watt invented steamer which began the epoch of industrializations and intrigued the creations of more powerful traffic vehicles ,such as train that makes the period of traveling that used to be many days over and the hope of traveling further feasible. Consequently, people at one place can get the goods from other places more easily and cheaper. In this way, the businesses spread more widely and are more prosperously. Obviously, it facilitates the lives of most people and was very popular during that time. So does the later invention -- bulb which lightens the whole world until now.

We should give our greatest supply to those researches that probably will significantly heighten our lives level. People, all over the world, would like to see their lives level improved. However, how to improve our living level most efficiently? The answer is to devote our best endeavor. On one hand, try to know more about the research from scientific newspapers or magazines or television programs. On the other hand, although maybe we are not involved into the research directly, we should work by our best and pay tax consciously which is the main pool of the fund spent in research.

Still, there are some researches that do not focus on improvement of people's lives. Most researches on weapons do not aim at daily personal life, even they are employed to destroy people's lives. Personally speaking, I think we should diminish these researches as much as we can.

From what cited above, to those researches helping improvement of people's lives, will be more popular and more welcomed by majority, though there are some that still do not aim at this. Furthermore, researches aiming at development of living condition will get a large number of sustainers and so make them more likely successful.

                                                                                  (390 words)

thank you very much !!!

paisleyUID: 64183

先声明一下，我虽然以前考过作文也帮别人改过作文，但是已经很久没有碰作文了，所以我改的不一定正合适现在ETS的思路，仅供参考哦。

"When research priorities are being set for science, education, or any other area, the most important question to consider is: how many people's lives will be improved if the results are successful?"

Nowadays, more and more multifarious researches are being undertaken （少in）nearly in every country on the earth （on the earth多余）, so we are facing （最好加个with）the urgent question that what kind of research should be most paid attention （应是paid most attention，不过这个说法有点别扭，用be most emphasized会好一些）to and supported. Some people prefer that researches in science, education, or any other area, should primarily aim at the improvement of majority's lives, either directly or indirectly. Personally（personally多余）, I agree with them.（最后一句话非常含混，虽然我知道你说的是后一种，但是也可以理解成你agree的them是指both 两种意见。应该说i agree with the latter.）
你把题目意思理解错了，大大地偏题了（替你捏把冷汗啊），具体看文末评论。

Many far-reaching accomplishments of various researches have boosted our lives at their individual era, though now（now最好改成at present）, they seems（they是复数，应是seem） to be out-dated. We can easily find lots of precise examples in precedent century only. Watt invented steamer which began the epoch of industrializations and intrigued the creations of more powerful traffic vehicles ,such as train（没有用冠词的名词最好用复数） that makes the period of traveling that used to be many days over and the hope of traveling further feasible. Consequently, people at one place can get the goods from other places more easily and cheaper. In this way, the businesses spread more widely and are more prosperously. Obviously, it facilitates the lives of most people and was very popular during that time（一句话中两个时态）. So does the later invention -- bulb（此处要加一逗号） which lightens the whole world until now.
撇开偏题的问题不谈，这段的论述太泛了一些。最好更细化一些。一两个例子就够，但是要说透。

We should give our greatest supply（give很少和supply搭配，用support即可） to those researches that probably will significantly heighten（这个词比较怪，用简单的improve即可） our lives level（应是living standards）. People,（逗号应去掉） all over the world, would like to see their lives level（同上） improved. However, how to improve our living level most efficiently? The answer is to devote our best endeavor. On one hand, try to know more about the research from scientific newspapers or magazines or television programs. On the other hand, although maybe we are not involved into the research directly, we should work by our best and pay tax consciously which is the main pool of the fund spent in research.
这段就你本身论述的这个偏了的题目也还是偏了。不需要论述大众对于学术研究应该如何做贡献，而是学术研究本身的侧重点在哪里。

Still, there are some researches that do not focus on improvement of people's lives. Most researches on weapons do not aim at daily personal life, even they are employed to destroy people's lives. Personally speaking, I think we should diminish these researches as much as we can.
这个例子虽然不算错，但是有点走偏锋。正确的反面例子见文末评论。

From what cited（你并没有cite什么，只能说discussed） above, to those（to thoue应去掉，否则句子不通） researches helping improvement of people's lives, will be more popular and more welcomed by majority, though there are some that still do not aim at this. Furthermore, researches aiming at development of living condition will get a large number of sustainers and so make them more likely（少to be） successful.


1。语言的问题
你的语言总的来说比较明白流畅，这是个大优点，比许多让人费解的文章好多了。那样的缺点改起来很吃力。但是你用词仍然不够准确，这需要漫漫提高。

2。偏题的问题
题目的意思是说，在science, education等各种领域里，research priorities 都已经决定了。哪些是research priorities 呢？就是那些成功解决后就可以improve people's lives的问题。比如如果爱滋病被攻克了，那人们的生活显然得以改善，或者，如果应试教育被合理地改良，学生的生活也改善了。所以这些issue是应该优先研究的。到底是不是这样呢？与人们生活没有直接联系的议题，是否也应该优先研究呢？这些有长远利益的、为科学而科学的议题（比如相对论，比如道德教育）应该占到什么样的位置呢？

3。论证的问题。
你通篇都在举例，而说理几乎没有。开头之后就是例子，例子之后就是结尾。好的议论文应该是用例子点缀理论的，而不应该用例子支撑理论。这说明你平时思考和积淀还不够。这是很多GRE写作者的问题。如何克服，请多多看作文版精华区。

字数太少是表面问题，关键是你脑子里"存货"不多，对这些问题没有思考过，没话可说. 解决办法，一是多参与大家的讨论，二是多看书多思考。

建议你看看精华区的范文，分析他们是怎么说理的。还有这篇文章里讲的思路，非常值得学习。https://bbs.gter.net/showthre ... =%BD%CC%C2%DF%BC%AD


你这篇文章，类似的和相关的文章已经有许多前人写过，或者还有范文。你可以搜索一下，对照一下这些文章。 或参照置顶的帖子。


希望你也能多多修改其他朋友的文章。尤其是提点结构上和想法上的建议。因为你不可能每个题目都练过来啊，看别人的题目，自己脑子过一遍,既可以给别人提建议，自己又多了一次训练的机会.为别人服务的人优先得到斑竹的修改哦！

imongUID: 140258

在作文版发帖子的时候，请注意到基本的格式要求。谢谢合作。
please visit:
https://bbs.gter.net/announcement.php?s=&forumid=23

LiunaUID: 150270

非常感谢两位  
我的不足 会努力的
我也会常常来 做些力所能及的事情

LiunaUID: 150270

说实话，偶倒是看了不少这里的各位的文章
但是 真的不敢说什么 感觉自己还没有那个水平
短期内可能只能潜水了
斑竹 可别不改偶的文章阿
多多谢了 ！！

paisleyUID: 64183

不一定非得改，只是参与他的讨论。比如其他人写作时写了一些论点，你可以提出其他论点来。这样也是很好的参与啊，又激发自己的灵感

LiunaUID: 150270

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