issue128 不好意思，不好意思，只顾哭苦了。忘贴作文了，^_^

littlexiuxiuUID: 152814

128 "It is often asserted that the purpose of education is to free the mind and the spirit. In reality, however, formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free."

When people think of the word “education”, they think of a pupil as a sort of animate sausage casing, into this empty casing, the teacher are supposed to stuff “education”. This statement might be a true vivid depiction of today’s formal education that in some extent limits and forbids the mind and spirit of present students. Although the controversies between formal education and other kind of education would have never ceased, it is no doubt that any form of education should free and liberate the thoughts and spirit of everyone at the largest extent.

The most important function of education at any level is to develop the personality of the individual and the significance of his life to himself and to others. As a result, to what extent the citizen’s minds or spirits can be released during their whole life education becomes crucial of this issue. Genuine education, as Socrates knew more than two thousand years ago, is not inserting the stuffing of information into a person, but rather eliciting knowledge from him; it is the drawing out of what is in the mind.

Has the formal education already failed to free the mind and been inadequate in modern society dramatically marked by the complexity of our technological innovations and disorder of national relationships? The following example can give the answer to all of us. More and more college students have once complained that they spent too much time studying that they don’t have a chance to learn anything and are so stuffed with miscellaneous facts. Moreover, with such an indigestible mass of material, that they had no time to draw on their own resources, to use their own mind for analyzing and synthesizing, and evaluating this materials. As consequences, we may draw the conclusion that the formal education which once be considered as the privilege of the noble in the 19th century may no longer fit well with requirement of today’s society.

Contrast with the formal education in recent years, both more and more educationalist and social reformer would argue the some fresh blood-informal education- should be incorporate into the traditional education. Since it can take place anywhere, whether in the shower or in the job, whether in a kitchen or on tractor. Imagine how great surprise can informal learning brings to us. A chance conversation with a stranger may lead us to discover how little we know of other religions and entice us to learn and think further the histories or cultures of other society, which learning process would be no doubt more vivid and effective than what the teacher may say hours in the classroom. The fact is that as a beneficial supplement to the formal education students should be instructed by his or her own thoughts and curiosity, which will be more adjacent to the initial purpose of education.

To sum up, with the rapid rate of advances of today’s technologies and innovations, the ability to generate individual creative ideas become more significant that it used to be .In order not to fall behind the far-reaching purpose of education, the formal education should be infused with other forms of more active education. Moreover, the methodology of education is far more than these, which need concerns not only the educationists but also our ordinary people.

feier521UID: 109747

When people think of the word “education”, they think of a pupil as a sort of animate（？）sausage casing（？）, into this empty casing（？）, the teacher(s) are supposed to stuff “education”. (两个think of，casing，stuff sth into…第一句较乱，要改！！)This statement might be a （true删掉） vivid depiction of today’s formal education that in some extent limits and forbids the mind and spirit of present students. Although the controversies between formal education and other kind of education（是什么？指代不清！） would have never ceased, it is no doubt that any form of education should free and liberate the thoughts and spirit of everyone at the largest extent.

The most important function of education at any level is to develop the personality of the individual and the significance of his life to himself and to others. As a result, to what extent the citizen’s minds or spirits can be released during their whole life education becomes crucial of this issue. Genuine education, as Socrates knew more than two thousand years ago, is not inserting the stuffing of information into a person, but rather eliciting knowledge from him; it is the drawing out of what is in the mind.（感觉论述刚刚开始就生硬的结束了。此段说教育最终要的功能）

Has the formal education already failed to free the mind and been inadequate in modern society dramatically marked by the complexity of our technological innovations and disorder of national relationships? The following example can give the answer to all of us. More and more college students have once complained that they spent too much time studying that （把that 去掉，另组一个句子。）they don’t have a chance to learn anything and are so stuffed with miscellaneous facts. Moreover, with such an indigestible mass of material(s), that（that什么用法？并不是用复杂句式，就可以得高分得。）they had no time to draw on their own resources, to use their own mind for analyzing and synthesizing, and evaluating this materials. As consequences（As a consequence）, we may draw the conclusion that the formal education which once be considered as the privilege of the noble in the 19th century may no longer fit well with requirement of today’s society.（formal education现状）

Contrast with the formal education in recent years, both（more and more 删掉) educationalist(s) and social reformer(s) would argue the(that) some fresh blood-informal education- should be incorporate(d) into the traditional education. Since it can take place anywhere, whether in the shower(?) or in the job, whether in a kitchen or on tractor. Imagine how great surprise can informal learning brings to us (Imagine how great surprise informal learning can bring to us). A chance (an occasional) conversation with a stranger may lead us to discover how little we know of other religions and entice us to learn and think further the histories or cultures of other society, which (learning process删掉) would be no doubt more vivid and effective than what the teacher may say hours（？） in the classroom. The fact is that as a beneficial supplement to the formal education students（作为正式教育得一个有益得补充，学生们…主语不一致！！） should be instructed by his or her own thoughts and curiosity, which will be more adjacent to the initial purpose of education.（我觉得你在此段没有定义好什么是informal education，然后就说他们的好处。）

To sum up, with the rapid rate of advances of today’s technologies and innovations, the ability to generate individual creative ideas become more significant that（than） it used to be .In order not to fall behind the far-reaching purpose of education, the formal education should be infused with other forms of more active（名词前的修饰太多了。去掉more active） education. Moreover, the methodology of education is far more than these, which need concerns not only （from） the educationists but also （from）our ordinary people.
不要故意使句子复杂，修饰成分复杂，好的文章应该长短结合。

希望你以后也多多参加论坛的讨论和互相修改网友的文章，助人者人助之，互相讨论，修改对作文水平的提高也是很有帮助的！

littlexiuxiuUID: 152814

谢谢斑竹大人的修改，我还要再接再厉了，
马上就要考了，1月20号，
这片文章的水平大概在几分的水平呢？

imongUID: 140258

body1回应了前半个题干，但是论述不够。
body2进行了例证，比上一段好，但是力度也不够。总体response都不是很强，没有针对题目的问题提出到位的解释。
body3另起炉灶，但是informal edu和前面都没什么衔接，这一段没什么效果。

总体来说最多4分水平。如果不能把针对性这个问题解决，会比较麻烦。写作水平应该有发挥的余地，但是这一篇写得不好。

littlexiuxiuUID: 152814

我也比较赞同，我的缺点就是我脑袋里的东西是乱的，
很可能用中文写出来也是如此～！

这下我可要死了～！
思维这种东西不可能在几天之内有多大提高的啊～！