issue2 大家多提意见，谢谢！

wallisUID: 111832

issue2 "Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society."


   I fundamentally concur with this point of view, nevertheless I propose that good competition environment are vitally important to a healthful evolution of our society, otherwise the active functionality of competition will be deteriorated by ill-competition.

   What kind of role does competition play in any aspect of our world? As far as I am concerned, competition is the filtering process that selects the relatively superior thing among all sorts of the candidates. This is natural according to Darwin's 'The origins of species' which asserts the better creature will be preserved by the nature while the base will be eliminated gradually. All animals are trying to adapt to the environment in an effort to get a better situation on this planet. For instance, many kinds of animals hibernate during winter to lower their energy consumption due to the lack of food supply at that period. If they don't do so they will be confronted by the crucial fact of lacking living resources.

    This effect is also applicable to the case of society. Society will be lack of animation without the propulsion from reasonable competition. Competition is the primary source of origin of our society in that it is competition that optimizes the allocation of limited resource; it is competition that accelerates the better and decelerates the worse. Competition provides the systematic organization of operating resources of the society.

   The above could be perfectly illustrated by several examples. One of them I'd mention is the history of automobile industry in America. After motor engine was invented in Germany, their have arisen a great number of automobile works in America, while the cars manufactured then was not satisfying with many flaws. But after years of evolution many works disappeared or were incorporated by others, while the cars' performance had been significantly improved. It is, obviously, the competition that caused that change. The reason is quite manifest: The competition obliged the car works to improve their products' performance and to alter their marketing strategy with the consumers' appetite. The one who were able to satisfy the above qualifications would survive and then thrive, the others would decline. Thus, with the same resource as before the car manufactured became cheaper and could endure longer than before. This result is favorable to the consumers and therefore the resources were optimized.

   Although competition is indispensable for society, it is vital to set rules for it. Without rules competition could probably undermine its active influence on society and even harms the organization of social resource allocation. Without rules, a commercial secret owned by a group may be steal by the other only because they are rivals on certain areas without rules, some people could possibly destroy the natural environment to gain a favorable situation in competitions. If the group wins a lot through illegal actions, it is undoubtedly pursue that deals again and again, thus the society will run into a loop leading to an abysmal. There are numerous passive aspects of competition without rules and I could not possibly list them all here.

   On the whole, competition must be introduced into society for the benediction of the whole society. Yet certain rules should be exposed on the competitors for the protection of the social resource and morality. Competition without rules probably do no better than no competition.

木耳UID: 123036

好文！
标精！

wallisUID: 111832

谢谢木耳大虾的鼓励！！不过如果您能帮我改一改就好了，嘿嘿，我可有点贪心的：）

imongUID: 140258

galaxy很热心的说 :)  谢谢
不过好像意见出现分歧了？我也来看看，稍等哦 :)


I fundamentally concur with this point of view, nevertheless I propose that good competition environment are vitally important to (for?) a healthful evolution of our society, otherwise the active functionality of competition will be deteriorated by ill-competition.

What kind of role does competition play in any(?) aspect of our world? As far as I am concerned, competition is the filtering process that selects the relatively superior thing among all sorts of the candidates. This is natural according to Darwin's 'The origins of species' which asserts the better creature will be preserved by the nature while the base will be eliminated gradually. All animals are trying to adapt to the environment in an effort to get a better situation(get a better situation?) on this planet. For instance, many kinds of animals hibernate during winter to lower(reduce) their energy consumption due to the lack of food supply at that period. If they don't do so they will be confronted by（be confronted by有这个用法吗？） the crucial fact of lacking living resources.

This effect is also applicable to(?) the case of society. Society will be lack of animation without the propulsion from reasonable competition. Competition is the primary source of origin of our society in that it is competition that optimizes the allocation of limited resource; it is competition that accelerates the better and decelerates the worse. Competition provides the systematic organization of operating resources of the society.

The above could be perfectly illustrated by several examples. One of them I'd mention is the history of automobile industry in America. After motor engine was invented in Germany, their have arisen(?) a great number of automobile works in America, while the cars manufactured then was not satisfying with many flaws(后半句不能这样连接). But after years of evolution many works disappeared or were incorporated by others, while the cars' performance had been significantly improved. It is, obviously, the competition that caused that change. The reason is quite manifest: The competition obliged the car works to improve their products' performance and to alter their marketing strategy with the consumers' appetite. (alter.. with不是最好的用词)The one who were（前后单复数） able to satisfy the above qualifications（satisfy qualification好像没有这样的搭配，有报道的是satisfy requirement） would survive and then thrive, the others would decline. Thus, with the same resource as before the car manufactured became cheaper and could endure longer than before这里不如用endurance，然后换动词. This result is favorable to（for） the consumers and therefore the resources were optimized. 最后optimize这个结论有点突然，怎么就一下子therefore了？ 而且上一段提出了不少论点，这一段只回应了一个。

Although competition is indispensable for society, it is vital to set rules for it. Without rules competition could probably undermine its active influence on society and even harms the organization of social resource allocation. Without rules, a commercial secret owned by a group may be steal by the other only because they are rivals on certain areas（句号？） without rules, some people could possibly destroy the natural environment to gain a favorable situation in competitions. If the group wins a lot through illegal actions, it is undoubtedly pursue that deals again and again, thus the society will run into a loop leading to an abysmal.这样表达也还可以，恶性循环是vicious circle。 There are numerous passive aspects of competition without rules and I could not possibly list them all here.

On the whole, competition must be introduced into society for the benediction of the whole society. Yet certain rules should be exposed on the competitors for the protection of the social resource and morality. Competition without rules probably do no better than no competition.

的确有走偏的倾向。最后一个body和前面的衔接不好，转换就太突然。我觉得前面的论证欠缺在话还没有说够，例如that competition促进分化选择is also applicable in the society，然后后面的结论是competition is beneficial，但是这一步上你似乎缺乏交待。这一步的因果怎么过来，就有问号了。其实这篇文章的做法以前也有人出现过，从单独一个角度出发证明整体题目（就是尝试以偏概全，当然以偏概全并非总是错误，有时候是很有用的论证技巧，概对了就叫演绎嘛），但是这个单独角度要有说服力有代表性才好，这篇文章在具体的操作上我认为是有些欠缺的，但并不是致命的失误。

提醒一下注意介词的使用要细致一些，不是所有介词随便通用的。

彼此意见出现分歧很正常的，没有关系，放开了讨论就是。我可是支持we usually learn more from contradictory views的 :D

galaxysongUID: 152834

imong改得很仔细呀！
其实很多我都看出来了，但要改成通顺的句子又太麻烦，就有些偷工减料了。
另外imong打的字好多，不愧为版主。我可是在网下慢慢改的。

QQsugarUID: 136441

大家讨论的很热闹哦。我也看了看，觉得楼主写的不错哦。
只提几点建议吧：
1. 行文的结构上：倒数第二段确实很突兀。过渡的语句可以再自然一点。而且论证上，光用一组排比显得有点咄咄逼人。你可以给出一两个例子强调competitive rules 的重要性哦；
2. The above could be perfectly illustrated by several examples. 可是后面好像没有several examples 而是用了一个例子。还不如直接说An example could vividly illustrate the power of competition.
很不错的文章，继续加油：）

wallisUID: 111832

感谢几位的辛勤劳动，在下感激不已！I am really grateful to you!
下面谈谈我的想法
我按imong大虾的意见，修改了一下。没改的地方我也写了自己的意见，大家看看
但论证思路，我可能只能这样了，实在想不到什么高招了！
I fundamentally concur with this point of view, nevertheless I propose that good competition environment are vitally important to (for?) a healthful evolution of our society, otherwise the active functionality of competition will be deteriorated by ill-competition.

What kind of role does competition play in any(?) aspect of our world? As far as I am concerned, competition is the filtering process that selects the relatively superior thing among all sorts of the candidates. This is natural according to Darwin's 'The origins of species' which asserts the better creature will be preserved by the nature while the base will be eliminated gradually. All animals are trying to adapt to the environment in an effort to get a better situation(get a better situation?我的意思是获得一个好的竞争位置) on this planet. For instance, many kinds of animals hibernate during winter to lower(reduce)(lower有减少的意思，俺觉得还是对的） their energy consumption due to the lack of food supply at that period. If they don't do so they will be confronted with the crucial fact of lacking living resources.

This effect is also applicable for the case of society. Society will be lack of animation without the propulsion from reasonable competition. Competition is the primary source of origin of our society in that it is competition that optimizes the allocation of limited resource; it is competition that accelerates the better and decelerates the worse. Competition provides the systematic organization of operating resources of the society.

The above could be perfectly illustrated by several examples. One of them I'd mention is the history of automobile industry in America. After motor engine was invented in Germany, their have arisen(?)(出现的意思） a great number of automobile works in America, while the cars manufactured then was not satisfying for many flaws.But after years of evolution many works disappeared or were incorporated by others, while the cars' performance had been significantly improved. It is, obviously, the competition that caused that change. The reason is quite manifest: The competition obliged the car works to improve their products' performance and to adjust their marketing strategy with the consumers' appetite.(adjust...to...).The one who was able to satisfy the above qualifications（satisfy qualification我见过的） would survive and then thrive, the others would decline. Thus, with the same resource as before the car manufactured became cheaper and could endure longer than before这里不如用endurance，然后换动词. This result is favorable （for） the consumers and therefore the resources were optimized. 最后optimize这个结论有点突然，怎么就一下子therefore了？ 而且上一段提出了不少论点，这一段只回应了一个。
(我用therefore是指，用同样的资源制造出性能好的产品当然就是优化资源了，我这样想的）

Although competition is indispensable for society, it is vital to set rules for it. Without rules competition could probably undermine its active influence on society and even harms the organization of social resource allocation. Without rules, a commercial secret owned by a group may be steal by the other only because they are rivals on certain areas（句号？） without rules, some people could possibly destroy the natural environment to gain a favorable situation in competitions. If the group wins a lot through illegal actions, it is undoubtedly pursue that deals again and again, thus the society will run into a loop leading to an abysmal.这样表达也还可以，恶性循环是vicious circle。 There are numerous passive aspects of competition without rules and I could not possibly list them all here.

On the whole, competition must be introduced into society for the benediction of the whole society. Yet certain rules should be exposed on the competitors for the protection of the social resource and morality. Competition without rules probably do no better than no competition.

为什么竞争适用于动物界就能适合人类社会呢（这等于为什么勾股定理在地球上能用，就断定也能在火星上能用？ 呵呵，我乱说一句了），之间的道理可能不是一本书的内容能解决的，之间的因果怎样过来的，我也只能用comparison来混混鬼子了，imong大虾您说是不是。介词我用的不够仔细，不该错的写错了，下次决不能这样。
galaxysong大虾提到的我好像换了一个题目，但我觉得我的意思很明白，就是支持竞争，但是要加一些限制，就是围绕着竞争的好处和必要性和加rule的必要性来写的。大家看是不是。
我没有很直接的表明自己是否赞同题目里意思的句子，可能这样不好，下次一定注意点题！！

imongUID: 140258

wallis, comparison并没有问题，问题在于提出competition是indispensible，然后怎么就能推导出competition是beneficial，这个是一个逻辑过程，不是什么道理太复杂。这一点我觉得还是扯回来的好。

remember what the speaker claims: "MORE BENEFICIAL THAN DETRIMENTAL"
You must respond to what is suggested.

还有不要叫我大虾 :D 直接叫imong就好。galaxy写了一篇同一个题目的，你不妨去看看，也提提意见。

wallisUID: 111832

“提出competition是indispensible，然后怎么就能推导出competition是beneficial“
我确实把这两个等同起来了，两个有联系 但有区别！