Issue2 习作点评by wallis and imong，欢迎讨论

galaxysongUID: 152834

In China, been discussed for a long time has a topic whether competition does more good than harm to society.（*Word没报错，但不令人放心）Many facts, including China's profound "reform and open" policy and the entry of China into WTO, prove that encouraging and promoting competition, though very tough as it is, begets more benefits than damages to society.

Many people blame competition for the considerable losses caused by it. Many companies and organizations are being beaten and thus bankrupted. Some erstwhile workers get unemployed, worrying about their livings and expectations; while the other luckier labor forces keep working hard, afraid of joining the job-losers. Stress and pressure kill smiles, which used to be seen on people's faces before competition gained its rise with the help of industrialization and globalization.

If there were no competition, I doubt however, would these losses go into nothing? Let's imagine a idle and even lazy world where no competition is popular and approved. Actually, instead, we Chinese just need to recall the life we ever lead before the great changes in 1980s. Factories made products, but few known what the customers needed indeed, for whether they managed to meet these demands had little influence on their income which mainly came from the government. Equalization of wages, a perfect example of non-competition, allowed inertia among workers and carelessness about efficiency. When we wake up and looked out, China has fallen behind a few of her neighbors who, such as Japan, had developed at much higher speeds.

Without competition, we would suffer more. China lost a lot of opportunities to involve in the international community. Inertia is a chronic poison which saps one's abilities for better life. When China opened to foreign commerce, a majority of state-owned businesses in nearly every field felt the force of this brunt, and many faults and mistakes were immediately exposed. Successfully reformed into competitive enterprises, some pioneers discovered fortune in the market and provided useful and economical good. They earned striking profits meanwhile consumers are satisfied. On the other side, losers quitted, leaving room for new comers who learned from their lessons and adopted advanced technologies in marketing, designing, management and so forth. Our whole society, altered from a backwater to a loop system of water between sky and sea, found a good measure to put the limited and therefore valuable resources into proper use, and started to progress energetically.

From a philosophic view, competition is the way how things in the universe develop themselves and each other in interrelationships. Competition lies in everything since nothing is perfect and invulnerable. What remains must be most adapted to its circumstance. Relative (to boundless demands and desires) scanty of labor, capital, time and other resources deserve to flow to where they can be best exploited and utilized. To bolster competition is to support a social mechanism optimizing in a natural way the circulation of resources like that of blood in a body.

"No pain, no gain." Competition can transform the pain of the losers into the gain of the winners, in whose hands profit returns to investment and results more benefit to both themselves and the society. Not to mention what ecconomists have long fundamentally agreed on, a contrast of China today and China two decades ago will obviously elucidate the benefit that competition introduces can overcome its negative shadows.

imongUID: 140258

今天我得早点休息，昨天熬了一宿没睡早上考试明天还要去版聚，明天回来再给你看看吧。
（或者看看有没有别的朋友们动手呢？:D）

我只知道word里面有一个拼写检查，还有style的检查？这我可真不知道，介绍一下？

还有，其实我也是先把文章copy到word里面改完了再贴回来的，仔细修改的话也要费一些功夫呢。好在手头有一本super big的webster用法词典，还有一本collins的介词，还有google，随用随查 :)

wallisUID: 111832

明天我来看，今天太累了，单词也没背。

wallisUID: 111832

In China, been discussed for a long time has a topic whether competition does more good than harm to society.（*Word没报错，但不令人放心）Many facts, including China's profound "reform and open" policy and the entry of China into WTO, prove that encouraging and promoting competition, though very tough as it is, begets more benefits than damages to society.(文章一开始就指出竞争利大于弊，并以中国改革开放为例，开门见山，但如果能加一点分析就更好了）

Many people blame competition for the considerable losses caused by it. Many companies and organizations are being beaten and thus bankrupted. Some erstwhile workers get unemployed, worrying about their livings and expectations; while the other luckier labor forces keep working hard, afraid of joining the job-losers. Stress and pressure kill smiles, which used to be seen on people's faces before competition gained its rise with the help of industrialization and globalization.
以中国的例子讲竞争带来的不好的一方面，我觉得这一段可以放到后面，因为你是要说竞争带来的好处大于坏处 。但不过我不认为这一段讲的是竞争带来的坏处，这只是竞争的优胜劣汰的功能的体现，下岗对整个社会没有坏处，pressure和stress是因为中国人没适应过来，总不能说无所事事上班抽烟打牌工资一分钱不少就是好处！对不对？我感觉作者要从一个systematic perspective来考虑竞争可能带来的坏处，就是说竞争的这套原理在某些情况下怎样会给社会带来坏处。竞争的好处只会体现在全局优化上面，对竞争个体来说是很不舒服的，比如说电力行业是垄断，没有竞争，这部分人活的很爽，但对整个社会来说没好处，浪费了资源。不能把这个不舒服就认为是竞争的坏处，这个“不舒服”正是生物进化的动力，社会发展的动力！没这个“
不舒服”生物就要退化。

If there were no competition, I doubt however, would these losses go into nothing? Let's imagine a idle and even lazy world where no competition is popular and approved. Actually, instead, we Chinese just need to recall the life we ever lead before the great changes in 1980s. Factories made products, but few known what the customers needed indeed, for whether they managed to meet these demands had little influence on their income which mainly came from the government. Equalization of wages, a perfect example of non-competition, allowed inertia among workers and carelessness about efficiency. When we wake up and looked out, China has fallen behind a few of her neighbors who, such as Japan, had developed at much higher speeds.
以中国改革开放以前的情况来说明没有竞争的坏处

Without competition, we would suffer more. China lost a lot of opportunities to involve in the international community. Inertia is a chronic poison which saps one's abilities for better life. When China opened to foreign commerce, a majority of state-owned businesses in nearly every field felt the force of this brunt, and many faults and mistakes were immediately exposed. Successfully reformed into competitive enterprises, some pioneers discovered fortune in the market and provided useful and economical good. They earned striking profits meanwhile consumers are satisfied. On the other side, losers quitted, leaving room for new comers who learned from their lessons and adopted advanced technologies in marketing, designing, management and so forth. Our whole society, altered from a backwater to a loop system of water between sky and sea, found a good measure to put the limited and therefore valuable resources into proper use, and started to progress energetically.
还是以中国近二十年的发展来阐述竞争的优胜劣汰的功能和优化资源的作用

From a philosophic view, competition is the way how things in the universe develop themselves and each other in interrelationships. Competition lies in everything since nothing is perfect and invulnerable.（这一句好像不够充分） What remains must be most adapted to its circumstance. Relative (to boundless demands and desires) scanty of labor, capital, time and other resources deserve to flow to where they can be best exploited and utilized. To bolster competition is to support a social mechanism optimizing in a natural way the circulation of resources like that of blood in a body.

此段讲述竞争在事物发展中的作用，指出“competition is the way how things in the universe develop themselves and each other in interrelationships”，
最后一句说加强竞争会带来一种优化资源的机制

"No pain, no gain." Competition can transform the pain of the losers into the gain of the winners, in whose hands profit returns to investment and results more benefit to both themselves and the society. Not to mention what ecconomists have long fundamentally agreed on, a contrast of China today and China two decades ago will obviously elucidate the benefit that competition introduces can overcome its negative shadows.
最后一段总结，拿中国现在和以前对比来说明‘the benefit that competition introduces can overcome its negative shadows.’但缺少哲理性的话来加强，还有就是作者把例子局限在中国，但老美可能对中国的过去和现在不是那么了解，所以最好举一些大家都熟悉的例子，这样可能更加strong一点。
作者的观点很明确，语言能力很好，但论证还须更加更深入一点，站的角度要高一点。

imongUID: 140258

改了一个多小时，主要时间都花在查字典和查google上了~~这篇文章说起来可以标精的 ^o^

In China, been discussed for a long time has a topic whether competition does more good than harm to society.（*Word没报错，但不令人放心） 说起来的确感觉怪怪的。一般来说都是写the topic whether … has been discussed for a long time. 看来你的这个倒装用的超级高深？Many facts, including China's profound "reform and open" policy and the entry of China into WTO（and the entry into WTO，前面可以共用一个china’s）, prove that encouraging and promoting competition, though very tough as it is, begets more benefits than damages to society.（后半句beget..damage to这个组和我找了半天还是没把握，make sure一下？）吹毛求疵一下：究竟是promoting competiton有益还是competiton本身有益？虽然这个不是非常critical的区分，应该关系不大。

Many people blame competition for the considerable losses caused by it. Many companies and organizations are being beaten and thus bankrupted（时态似乎有点问题，先是are being然后就thus了？虽然独立地看都没有错）. Some erstwhile workers get unemployed, worrying about their livings and expectations（worry about expectation??不搭配？）; while the other luckier labor forces keep working hard, afraid of joining（似乎如果有一个被动的动词更好） the job-losers. Stress and pressure kill smiles, which used to be seen（used to be和前面主语不对应？used to be seen on显得很啰嗦，有没有更好的表达） on people's faces before competition gained its rise with the help of industrialization and globalization.

If there were no competition, I doubt however, would these losses go into nothing?（有go into nothing的用法? Vanish? Eliminate?） Let's imagine a idle and even lazy world where no competition is popular and approved.这里可以考虑两件事，第一，idle和even用and连接还是用yet连接？第二，popular和approved是and这种平行关系？这句话是个典型，我觉得两处其实都是递进的，不应该用and。 Actually, instead, we Chinese just need to recall the life we ever lead(?) before the great changes in 1980s.判卷子的是米国人，we Chinese行不通。Before… in 1980s怎么感觉怪怪的，明明是before后面又变成in，说不清楚~ Factories made products, but few known（?） what the customers needed indeed, for whether they managed to meet these demands had little influence on their income which mainly came from the government. Manage那里可以用had managed. Equalization of wages, a perfect example of non-competition, allowed(用promote?) inertia among workers and carelessness about efficiency. When we wake up and looked out, China has fallen behind a few of her neighbors who, such as Japan, had developed at much higher speeds. 还是we用的有问题，注意叙述的语态。

Without competition, we would suffer more.（这个是不是上一段的结论？如果是，最好加一个therefore或者thus）China lost a lot of opportunities to involve（get involved?） in the international community. Inertia is a chronic poison which saps one's abilities for better life.这句话有点突兀，前面加一个and，besides比较好。Sap一般后面接energy，ability的用法不能确定。 When China opened to foreign commerce, a majority of state-owned businesses in nearly every field felt the force of this brunt, and many faults and mistakes were immediately exposed. Successfully reformed into competitive enterprises, some pioneers discovered fortune in the market and provided useful and economical good. They earned striking profits meanwhile consumers are satisfied.这里换掉主语似乎不够规范。前面一段话用词感觉都不错，只是感觉不是最地道，例如opened to foreign commerce，我找到的用法只有open(动词) to foreign investor/investment，而更常见的是open(形容词) to foreign commerce，还可以进一步revise. On the other side, losers quitted, leaving room for new comers who learned from their lessons and adopted advanced technologies in marketing, designing, management and so forth. Our(不是our) whole society, altered from a backwater to a loop（circulating?）system of water between sky and sea (between?), found a good measure to put the limited and therefore valuable resources into proper use, and started to progress energetically.

From a philosophic view, competition is the way how things in the universe develop themselves and each other in interrelationships. Competition lies in everything since nothing is perfect and invulnerable. What remains must be most adapted to its circumstance.适应环境论，不过用be most adapted这个最高级表达得不太舒服。 Relative (to boundless demands and desires) scanty（scanty没有名词的用法） of labor, capital, time and other resources deserve to flow to where they can be best exploited and utilized. To bolster competition is to support a social mechanism optimizing in a natural way the circulation of resources like that of blood in a body.

"No pain, no gain." Competition can transform the pain of the losers into the gain of the winners, in whose hands profit returns to （how about ”once again turn back into”?）investment and results (result in) more benefit to both themselves and the society. Not to mention what ecconomists have long fundamentally agreed on (agreed on what? 我没有在后面找到相应的成分，是不是你应该在elucidate后面加一个that?), a contrast of China today and China two decades ago will obviously elucidate the benefit that competition introduces can overcome its negative shadows.

文章还不错呢，提几个问题。最后一个body和前面的话题衔接略差，如果能顺下来就太好了。而且你通篇说的是benefit大于damage和loss cannot be eliminated if competition becomes non-existent. 不过在loser的loss和winner的gain之间也许应该更具体的说明一下你的比较，而且有一点其实是有偷换概念的嫌疑：有competition时的benefit能够覆盖没有competition时候的damage，并不等于有competition时的benefit能够覆盖有competition时候的damage，好像大家论证的时候这里往往都是一个样子？每次都隐隐约约觉得有点奇怪，今天终于想出来是怎么回事了……anyway, 也许ets那边也没想得这么复杂吧，也就别太较真了……

用词虽然通篇都有需要推敲之处，但是总体来讲真的不错！希望你多给其他网友提提这方面的建议呢。

累，我歇~~

galaxysongUID: 152834

首先，很抱歉，收回我在标题中所说的“连Word都没有检查出style上的错误”。因为不明原因，检查器的设置又变成Grammar Only了！Faint…
另外犯了一个低级错误：a idle…
回顾本文，还有些话没有讲透，现在再补充几点：
Without competition, the loss would be much more, but people could not feel it directly only because it was diverted and hence paid by the whole society.
Competition exposed other than caused the loss suffered by those failures, for the loss had long existed but just been hidden beyond people’s concerns.
Competition gives profit or loss back to those who contributed to it. Therefore, in most cases, if bankrupt, a factory is very likely to deserve it for the factory’s own false and responsibility.

答imong：
检查器就在Word(Office XP中)最下面的状态栏里，在“中文（中国）\英语（美国）”右边，是个打开的书的样子，右击它，点“选项”，可以看到“写作风格”。它有时是中文的，有时是英文的，关键在于当时光标定位的是哪种。后一种情况才能选“Grammar & Style”。

wallis的中文好溜啊！“竞争的好处只会体现在全局优化上面，对竞争个体来说是很不舒服的，比如说电力行业是垄断，没有竞争，这部分人活的很爽，但对整个社会来说没好处，浪费了资源。”写成英文也一定很爽。
光谈China的确不太好，我写了大半时就发现了，但写文章也是有惯性的，只好呼应一下开头了事。
其实我本来想说的事，很多人指责竞争的罪名，其实是缺乏竞争和竞争既导致的。现在补上。

imongUID: 140258

你现在也看出来，题干虽然短，里面其实还是挺绕的，论点也多。如果自己愿意可以好好把思路给彻底理理清楚，然后把这篇文章再改改（or重写？）。

我的机器虽然是xp的，可是装的是office2000，这个郁闷~~ anyway，我看了那个选项，不过好像不是很强力的功能？原来也有过我把文章放在word里面什么线都没有，然后给大家一看一堆错~~也许word不是那么可靠的。

realturtleUID: 69047

最初由 imong 发布
[B]今天我得早点休息，昨天熬了一宿没睡早上考试明天还要去版聚，明天回来再给你看看吧。
（或者看看有没有别的朋友们动手呢？:D）

我只知道word里面有一个拼写检查，还有..

以下省略...... [/B]

office 2003 拼写检查可以设置这个功能

galaxysongUID: 152834

“are being beaten and thus bankrupted”前面表示正在不断地有企业被打败，却又连上一个thus、插上一个结果，的确不对。
我用expectation是为了表示“前程”。狄更斯写过Great Expectation，被译为《远大前程》。至于用在这里对不对，我不得而知。
“used to be seen”的主语是“smiles”，有什么不对吗？
“go into nothing”是个大胆的尝试，当然很可能是错的。
在一个英语课上，老师曾特意问过，idle和lazy有何区别。前者是一种悠然自在、不为物所累的闲，后者则是该干的不干、贪图玩乐的懒。两者不能共存在一个人身上，既idle又lazy。所以应该只能用even表示干活数量上更进一步的少。
“popular and approved”也确实不好。应改！
lead跟life是正确的呀？
有人就说we Chinese的事情，即使米国人不清楚也不要紧，他们会看你论证得如何而非论据的真实情况究竟如何。更何况中国的改革开放可算是中国在世界上最有影响的大事，这要是都不行，咱就不用谈China一个字了。
We led a kind of life before changes，and these changes took place in 1980s。
knew不是known！又一个低级错误。
woke up不是wake up！God！
我没打算让“Without competition, we would suffer more”成为上一段的结论，但结果似乎也没有很好地总领下文。
“China lost a lot of opportunities to involve”应改为“China missed a lot of opportunities to get involved”。
“When China opened to”改成“When China turned open to”如何？
“a loop system of water between sky and sea”也是大胆的尝试而已。
“scanty”应改为“scarcity”，
“return”本来就是“turn back”的意思，不知改成“once again turn back”有什么特别的原因？
“what economists have long fundamentally agreed on”是独立的名词短语，应加个“theoretically”修饰一下，以免歧义。
对于imong最后的评语，我还只是想补充，我的本意是说loss不是竞争本身的错，竞争是为了expose缺点，促使社会进步。有失业等问题其实表示竞争成功地发挥了作用，让不利于社会进步的事物被淘汰出局，所以说利大于弊。

By the way，imong你的说明档(?)上的日文是什么意思？
偽りだらけの依頼人
真実はいつもひとつ

imongUID: 140258

lead life的确是对的。

我好像没跟你说过其实我很多修改都是凭感觉，不一定就是你的原文有错误，只是我想尽量把文章更润色一下，很多时候都有鸡蛋里挑骨头的倾向。所以只是给你一个参考意见。（而且也没法避免有时会出错）we chinese建议能不用就别用，用第三人称。大胆尝试表达组合没什么不对，很好，但是尝试完了要自己make sure，不能就扔着，明白？

偽りだらけの依頼人
真実はいつもひとつ

没什么。满口谎言的委托人，真相只有一个。