ISSUE2 大家指教。

卡卡刘亚非UID: 152971

1.Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society.(竞争对社会利大于弊）
Nowaday,our life is filled with competition in which we coule make good progress in society.Competition is revealed in so many fields ,for instance business,finance,technology,science and even in our families whose children compete in order to gain something like toys and parents'special love.It is the individuals that make up the whole society in that everyone wants to become the better even the best in his position.So the competition become the necessity and benefit in society .


Let us take a specific look at an evidently case from business area.As we know ,almost companies have their aimed rivals in the same produce or business case.They want to occupy the market for more profit in fighting against their competitor with various ways ,for example reform the quality and technique,publicize the new product in advertising,gratifying service and so on.While the business winner succeed in attracting the consumers'attention and profiting,it makes the advancement in technology and the increase of the economy to society.And in the campus--a small special region,students also have the pressure in communication,grade,scholarship etc.These good pressure drive us to become positive in studying hard and learning the methods of communication which make us to adapt the prospective competition .All of these excellent students will be the pillar of the society in all kinds of fields.


Obviously,however,if we overlook the proper competition in certain field,there will be not positive progress to our society in technology and science and economy realm because that the individuals and the groups all work without enthusiasm or healthy and licit rivalship.To exemplify this point clearly,here is an example :now I am writing a issue with a computer, it is very useful because the computer is qualified for the user who wish the machine speed will be fast and the fashion looks more popular.Contrarily the inferior quality computer we use will delay our time and something important if the manufacturer does not consider the  market competition as a indispensable role and fail to advance the product quality.


Certainly,we should compete with healthy and legal ways but the malicious and slanderous method because this will disturb the market order even the society system as the result that not promote the society but degrade the improvement.


So in sum ,appropriate competition is very useful to our better live.

立花道雪UID: 114678

line4 whose--where?

卡卡刘亚非UID: 152971

我知道了，就是。

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

Spell mistakes like "could--coule"一样很致命的，小心
语法上错误不多，楼主基础很扎实呃。
但有一些地方，感觉改一下更好一些：
be filled with ->be full of 被动不好
good progress 用的很好
is revealed in...没见过这种用法
to become the better even the best －》to become the better, or even...通顺一些
in his position:牵强改为among his/her peers如何？

偶认为写gre作文最要名的是结构，其次是用词与句子
存语法的东西是最次的
还有一个时间问题也很讨厌的45分钟太短了，我的第一片文章我还记得很清楚：用了足足4各小时：－）

imongUID: 140258

欢迎来到作文版。在作文版发帖子的时候，请注意到基本的格式要求。please visit: https://bbs.gter.net/announcement.php?s=&forumid=23

标题格式我已经给你改过来了，下次请自己注意。

methylUID: 139015

.It is the individuals that make up the whole society in that 这里好像不存在因果关系everyone wants to become the better even the best in his position.So the competition become the necessity and benefit in society .


.As we know ,almost 用most？companies have their aimed rivals in the same produce or business case.They want to occupy the market for more profit in fighting against their competitor with various ways ,for example reform 动词作主语？the quality and technique,publicize the new product in advertising,gratifying service and so on.While the business winner succeed in attracting the consumers'attention and profiting,it makes the advancement in technology and the increase of the economy to society.And in the campus--a small special region,students also have the pressure in communication,grade,scholarship etc.These good pressure drive us to become positive in studying hard and learning the methods of communication which make us to adapt the prospective competition .All of these excellent students will be the pillar of the society in all kinds of fields.


Obviously,不用这么绝对的词？however,if we overlook the proper competition in certain field,there will be not positive progress to our society in technology and science and economy realm because that the individuals and the groups all work without enthusiasm or healthy and licit rivalship.To exemplify this point clearly,here is an example 多余:now I am writing a issue with a computer, it is very useful because the computer is qualified for the user who wish the machine speed will be为什么用将来时 fast and the fashion looks more popular.Contrarily the inferior quality computer we use will delay our time and something important 逻辑？if the manufacturer does not consider the market competition as a indispensable role and fail to advance the product quality.


Certainly太绝对,we should compete with healthy and legal 没有定义ways but the malicious and slanderous 什么样的是不好的方法？没有定义method because this will disturb the market order even the society system as the result that not promote the society but degrade the improvement.


So in sum ,appropriate competition is very useful to our better live.
觉得逻辑上有些问题，如果有不对的地方大家多多讨论：）

卡卡刘亚非UID: 152971

如果逻辑有错是哪里呢？请指教，非常感谢！

michael-dhnUID: 146827

格式问题：
逗号，等标点符号后一定要借空格，再输入下一个词！

卡卡刘亚非UID: 152971

哦，知道了，我还没有听说过，谢谢