issue51 about education第一次写~~

so猫UID: 148633

人生第一次写议论文~~
写了N久
希望大家帮忙给改改~~~

issue 51
"Education will be truly effective only shen it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

It is asserted in the issue above that education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each students. At the first glance, it is convincing. However, after some analysis I draw a conclusion that education-with the purpose of true effectiveness-should be designed to meet the social standards and needs, rather than individual.

Education, as we know, is a progress through which government manages to train individuals by formal instruction and supervised practice, aiming at developing skills, trades and professions. The purpose of education is to discover the potential each student holds, to cultivate good qualities each student has, and to supply to society people with some professional ability. Effectiveness of education to some extent presents how effectively education can and will function society and the generations in the world. A famous education specialist in China Liang Qichao has said that the fate of a nation is in the hands of her youth. Education, the huge mold if the youth is taken as melting iron, is a mirror of a country's future. As education plays an important part in holding the balance of a nation, government is certainly obliged to design the educational system which will offer suitable people the nation needs.

Nowadays with high speed of scientific and technological development, the acquirement of specialists is reaching to a higher level. Naturally the responsibility of education should change to some extent to adapt to this trend. Many reports point out that at present, graduates with erudite knowledge about his own area as well as the concerned field rather than profound research merely in one area, are more welcome to international enterprises and big companies. However, personal interests often focus in a narrow extension lacking diversity and sometimes on something lacking scientificity and practicality. Under such circumstances, education only focusing on personal interests will absolutely lead to mass of job-losing. As a result, the purpose of education is to cultivate the specific skills and knowledge necessary for someone's future work and career, rather than the personal interests.

To say the least, education should not be designed arbitrarily only considering the political purpose of an government. The needs and interests of majority students in school and college not only express themselves, but also represent a new trend of society. Although individuals completing their personal education courses in school will attend different social activities outside schools and colleges, the acquirement of which may not be consistent with the interests of students themselves, interest and passion is always the key to success. Only are personal interests and needs satisfied, students will study wholeheartedly that increase the effectiveness of education in some degree.

Facing the dilemma between the social needs and personal interests, today's education has to manage to find the balance point on this lever. The purpose of education is to train students for their future work as well as to build an individual of himself.

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

issue 51
"Education will be truly effective only shen it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

It is asserted in the issue above that education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each students. At the first glance, it is convincing（这儿的句序有些不太舒服，it is convincing太短，不易后置It is convincing at the first glance...就好些了）. However, after some analysis （After some analysis, however,... 是不是更酷一些？）I draw a conclusion (总觉着 I draw a conclusion有点怪怪的)that education-with the purpose of true effectiveness（好）-should be designed to meet the social standards and needs, rather than
("those of")individual.（结构上绝对没有问题，第一篇就能如此，佩服）

Education, as we know, is a progress through which government manages to train individuals by formal instruction and supervised practice, aiming at developing skills, trades and professions. The purpose of education is to discover the potential each student holds, to cultivate good qualities（personalities?） each student has, and to supply to society people with some(certain)professional abiliti(es). Effectiveness of education (,)to some extent(,) presents how effectively education can and will function(没见过function的这个用法) society and the generations in the world. A famous education specialist in China Liang Qichao（尽量别用中国的例子——别骂我不爱国啊，实际情况） has said that the fate of a nation is in the hands of her youth（her有歧义呃）. Education, the huge mold if the youth is taken as melting iron, is a mirror（mirror的比喻不太恰当，用个“预兆”之类的词吧） of a country's future. As education plays an important part in holding the balance of a nation, government is certainly obliged to design the educational system which will offer（offer 很酷，但produce是不是更恰当？） suitable people the nation needs.

Nowadays with high speed of scientific and technological development, the acquirement of specialists is reaching to a higher level. Naturally the responsibility of education should change to some extent to adapt to this trend. Many reports point out that at present, graduates with erudite knowledge about his own area as well as the concerned field rather than profound research merely in one area, are more welcome to（welcome to ->popular with） international enterprises and big companies. However, personal interests often focus in a narrow extension lacking diversity and sometimes on something lacking scientificity and practicality. Under such circumstances, education only focusing on personal interests will absolutely(这种"绝对"的词不要用) lead to mass of job-losing. As a result, the purpose of education is to cultivate the specific skills and knowledge necessary for someone's future work and career, rather than the personal interests.

To say the least, education should not be designed arbitrarily only (arbitrarily only两个词重复了)considering the political purpose of an government. The needs and interests of majority（the majority of ） students in school and college not only express themselves, but also represent a new trend of society. Although individuals completing their personal education courses in school will attend different social activities outside schools and colleges, the acquirement of which may not be consistent with the interests of students themselves, interest and passion is always the key to success. Only are personal interests and needs satisfied, students will study wholeheartedly （？）that increase the effectiveness of education in some degree.（这句话结构有些问题）

Facing the dilemma between the social needs and personal interests, today's education （这儿的主语好像应该是个人吧）has to manage to find the balance point on this lever. The purpose of education is to train（prepare 怎么样？） students for their future work as well as to build an individual of himself.

imongUID: 140258

楼上的前辈多谢啦！

今天我一天都在调研文献，晚上写文章刚写了一个开头就被师兄叫到实验室交待任务，倒~~

也许过两天可以给大家一个长帖子看看 :)

so猫UID: 148633

先谢谢dawnspeaker回答的说
本人这辈子就没有写过议论文~~
本来对这篇烂文章已经不报希望了~~~只觉得丢人~~~
所以是真的很感谢楼上的耐心指导

这个是改动过以后的 大家看是不是强一点点呢

issue 51
"Education will be truly effective only shen it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

It is asserted in the issue above that education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each students.  It is convincing at the first glance. After some analysis, however, with several problems raised, conclusion is not difficult to be drawn that education-with the purpose of true effectiveness-should be designed to meet the social standards and needs, rather than those of individual.

Education, as we know, is a progress through which government manages to train individuals by formal instruction and supervised practice, aiming at developing skills, trades and professions. The purpose of education is to discover the unique potential each student holds, to cultivate  unique personality each student possesses, and to supply to society people with certain professional abilities. Effectiveness of education ,to some extent, presents how effectively education can and will influence society and the generations in the world. A famous education specialist in China Liang Qichao（不用其他的例子是因为找不到其他的例子 唉） has said that the fate of a nation is in the hands of her youth（her有歧义吗 我怎么看不出来呢）. Education, the huge mold if the youth is taken as melting iron, is a prediction of a country's future. As education plays an important part in holding the balance of a nation, government is certainly obliged to design the educational system which will suitable people the nation needs.

Nowadays with high speed of scientific and technological development, the acquirement of specialists is reaching to a higher level. Naturally the responsibility of education should change to some extent to adapt to this trend. Many reports point out that at present, graduates with erudite knowledge about his own area as well as the concerned field rather than profound research merely in one area, are more popular with international enterprises and big companies. However, personal interests often focus in a narrow extension lacking diversity and sometimes on something lacking scientificity and practicality. Under such circumstances, education only focusing on personal interests will probably lead to mass of job-losing. As a result, the purpose of education is to cultivate the specific skills and knowledge necessary for someone's future work and career, rather than the personal interests.

To say the least, education should not be designed arbitrarily considering the political purpose of an government. The needs and interests of the majority of students in school and college not only express themselves, but also represent a new trend of society. Although individuals completing their personal education courses in school will attend different social activities outside schools and colleges, the acquirement of which may not be consistent with the interests of students themselves, interest and passion is always the key to success. Only when personal interests and needs being satisfied, will students study willinly and wholeheartedly, which in some degree  increase the effectiveness of education.（以前的句子是把倒装的位置倒错了~~）

Facing the dilemma between the social needs and personal interests, officials who administer and lay a course of education system today has to manage to find the balance point on this lever. The purpose of education is to prepare students for their future work as well as to build an individual of himself.

so猫UID: 148633

发完帖子才发现imong大哥也关注了偶的烂帖~~~~~~~
也谢谢imong辛勤工作的说~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so猫UID: 148633

另外想问一下我这种烂水平给别人的文章提意见会不会帮倒忙的说~~~
觉得人家好心帮我要是我去给别人提反倒~~~~~~
有点担心ing~~~~~~~~~

imongUID: 140258

最初由 so猫 发布
[B]另外想问一下我这种烂水平给别人的文章提意见会不会帮倒忙的说~~~
觉得人家好心帮我要是我去给别人提反倒~~~~~~
有点担心ing~~~~~~~~~ [/B]

有句话叫什么“真理越辩越明”（那个英文忘了怎么说了）
so...
放开了讨论就是喽！
讨论越多，越充分，自己收获越大呗。

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

已经很好了。我写第一篇文章用了足足四个小时，结果被本校的一个g友改了个满篇红。呵呵，第一次写能写成这个样子说明soso猫的英文水平极扎实地。其实如果考试时能写出这个样子也很不错了。到后期主要是压缩时间啦。多练多习，多多加油

其实大家共同修改，不要在乎什么“水平”高低。大家都一样的。其实你的“水平”也很强的，你觉得呢，soso猫

so猫UID: 148633

谢谢楼上两位的鼓励~~~~
其实这篇文章我也写了超过4个小时的~~~~~~~
那 那 那我就 下手了啊~~~~~

奇怪的是
为什么dawnspeaker会知道我名字的真正来历是soso猫
而不是so别的什么什么猫呢~~~
难道牛人连这个都知道? :eek:

dawnspeakerUID: 152586

感觉so猫叫起来极别扭地，soso猫就好多了。你觉得呢。我们寝一舍友就的外号叫做 Lou soso

文章中her的歧义在于那孩子（youth）是A famous education specialist 的呢还是我们伟大祖国China的呢？纯属钻牛尖，但理论上是有歧义的

有了真实的例子，确实能为写文章增添一些方便，但没有了它们，我们也就这么过。

就对于这个例子，可以改成别的地方的，人名也可以改。多练练就不易露马脚了

记得我k的时候，只有一个例子是在参考消息上看到的真实故事，其余都是编编的。诅咒ETS逼我们放弃了纯洁诚实的心灵

hongyuhewoUID: 171427

Issue 209  国家统一课程与地方自主选课

The more the education develops into a highly structured profession of social and economic forces, the more inevitably and
necessarily the school turns to centrally organized that becomes a contemporaneous tendency. I strongly agree with the statement that a nation should execute a unification of curriculum  throughout the nation for the reason that centralizing would bring facility and benefits  to the development of education.

Firstly, the permission for schools in different parts of nation to determine the curriculum respectively based noticeably on the consideration of financial capabilities, not in order to benefit the development of school system. In America, for instance, public schools have relied heavily on the local property to meet the vast majority of school expenses, thus, school tends to reflect the educational values and financial capabilities of the community in which they located. As a result, students in different community often encounter entirely different curriculums even though they are in the same grade
However, unification of curriculum on the national level would lead to creation of more standardized mechanisms of school  
organizations that bring order and efficiency to school systems. The advent of offering(cancelled) the same courses endows the educator with the intelligence to devise educational mechanisms in an optimal way，such as ,class placement was determined by a student ’ s age, each class period was a special length, and students graduated after a special number of year in attendance. And, more specialized teacher training institutions were well established, for instance, in America, that develop expertise that often lead to standardized practices, ranging from notions about the ideal size of elementary classroom to the ideal form of a lesson plan.
Moreover, the unification of curriculum renders the competitive standardized examination more authentic and efficacious to evaluate students in different parts of nation.  A simple example can cast some light to my reason. After the(cancelled ) studying of the same curriculum, two student (students) who come from local communities of different values and economic take the standardized examination, the discrepancy of the exam result in most part reflect the intelligence level and how much endeavor they payout in other words, it is the unification of course hence the exam result to permit or deny the access to higher education or position of employment.

In sum, facility and benefit would be brought to the development of education by carrying into execution the unification of curriculum throughout the nation

费跃哲UID: 191422

我为什么不能自己发新的主题啊？

费跃哲UID: 191422

高手帮助一下阿啊？感觉楼上的都是高手，支几招啊？！