issue89 Leaders are created primarily by the demands that are placed upon

lq8186UID: 148901

89. "Leaders are created primarily by the demands that are placed upon them."


Are leaders created primarily by the demands and outer factors that are forced upon them or are they produced by some internal factors that are placed on them by themselves? The speaker agrees the former one, but in my opinion, I hold that leaders and heroes are  created not only by outer demands but also by their inner needs.


On the one hand, leaders and heroes are created by needs from their outer surroundings, society, and times. Here is a good instance to uphold my point of view. Chairman Mao, the leader of the revolution and founder of the P. R. China, who leads Chinese people to regain their social status and property is one of the most persuasive cases. In that time, there was a lot of demands for a leader or hero ,such as those of them by common people, those of them by critical time, and by society. Because of war and economic depression, most of people of that time lived without enough necessities like food, clean water, clothes, and houses, not to mention those things like transportation tools-bikes, cars and planes,communication tools such as telephones, cell phones, and fax machine, all of which are common today and widely used by us common people. What is more, they had no basic rights and needs. Thus, people t hope to see a powerful government and leader to lead them to fight for their rights, freedom and comfortable living conditions to live with. Without these demands by society and people, there is not a very likely need for a great leader and hero to come onto the stage of history and be remembered by others. Imagine in another case if all people were treated equally, and African Americans had the same rights and freedom as the whites had in 1960's, will Martin Luther King become a historic leader and be revered by all people over the world?  Consequently, we probably can say that leader are created by outer demands of society.


On the other hand, however, Can it be possible that man who lack some inner charatceristics and ideas will become a lead or hero? In my view, it probably can not. To be a great leader and hero, in my opinion, he should have some good inner character like strong will, benevolence, courage, brightness and so on. Besides those greater leader we have mentioned above, there are many leaders who can support my point of view. Saint Gandhi, here, is a good example. Characterized as a weak and slim old man by a lot of mass media, he is indeed a kind, strong-willed and courageous man, he holds a strong belief that they Indians can win the war over against the British government and he does not eat food while he is imprisoned in order to show his courage and passion. Because of his good character and fame, he is revered by all his Indian people in his age and his descendents and is regarded as one of the greatest leaders around the world as well. Then we can conclude that a successful leader and hero must have to have a lot of good inner character.


To sum up, We can see obviously that leaders are not only created by needs and demands from outer surroundings placed upon on them, but also produced by some inner factors like some good character of themselves. If we overlook one of them ,we may fall into the fallacy of drawing a rash and inappropriate conclusion as the speaker does.

木耳UID: 123036

Leaders are created primarily by the demands that are placed upon them."


Are leaders created primarily by the demands and outer factors that are forced upon them or are they produced by some internal factors that are placed on them by themselves? The speaker agrees the former one, but in my opinion, I hold(the opinion) that leaders and heroes are created not only by outer demands but also by their inner needs.
题目中也没说leaders are created only by the demands…而是讲primarily。其实也就暗示了还有其它的因素。所以你的转折就有些问题。

On the one hand, leaders and heroes(这里加进一个heroes不见的好) are created by needs from their outer surroundings, society, and times. Here is a good instance to uphold my point of view. Chairman Mao, the leader of the revolution and founder（Chinese democracy revolution and one of the founders of…似乎好一些） the  of the P. R. China, who leads Chinese people to regain their social status and property is one of the most persuasive cases. In that time, there was(were) a lot of demands for a leader or hero ,such as those of them(such as those of them？读者不好。再改一下吧) by common people, those of them by critical time, and by society. Because of war and economic depression, most of people of that time lived without enough necessities like food, clean water, clothes, and houses, not to mention those things like transportation tools-bikes, cars and planes,communication tools such as telephones, cell phones, and fax machine, all of which are common today and widely used by us common people.（罗嗦。没有必要写这么一大串出来） What is more, they had no basic rights and needs. Thus, people hope to see(hope to see 不地道.desire就可以了)  a powerful government and leader to lead them to fight for their rights, freedom and comfortable living conditions to live with（还是罗嗦）. Without these demands by society and people, there is not a very likely need for a great leader and hero to come onto the stage of history and be remembered by others. Imagine in（删掉in） another case if all people were treated equally, and African Americans had the same rights and freedom as the whites had in 1960's, will Martin Luther King become a historic leader and be revered by all people over the world?(我不建议用设问或者是反问的修辞，最好还是直接把问题说清楚) Consequently, we probably can say that leader are created by outer demands of society.

第一个毛病是罗嗦，在文中已经给你指出了。
第二：没有指出外界环境和领导的本质关系。在文中你只是说了在特定的外在环境对领导人有一种需求的关系。好像已有这样的环境，领导人就冒出来了。没有对create这个词下功夫

On the other hand, however, Can it be possible that man who lack some inner charatceristics and ideas will become a lead or hero? In my view, it probably can not. To be a great leader and hero, in my opinion（删掉吧，前面已经有了in my view）, he（再用单三人称时，要注意性别） should have some good inner character（注意单复数问题） like strong will, benevolence, courage, brightness and so on. Besides those greater leader（复数） we have mentioned above, there are many leaders who can support my point of view. Saint Gandhi, （这里做一个greater的比较没有什么意义，删掉前半句吧）here, is a good example. Characterized as a weak and slim old man by a lot of mass media, he is indeed a kind, strong-willed and courageous man, he holds（用过去时） a strong belief that they Indians can win the war over against the British government and he does not（注意时态） eat food while he is imprisoned in order to show his courage and passion.（甘地绝食时为了抗议当时席卷全国的暴力抵抗。我们知道，甘地的信条是非暴力抵抗。这里的表述不是很准确） Because of his good character and fame, he is revered by all his Indian people in his age and his descendents and is regarded as one of the greatest leaders around the world as well.（这个句子读者不好。他的后代就不用说了吧？不是关键，加上去反而累赘） Then we can conclude that a successful leader and hero must have to（must 和have to怎能重复） have a lot of good inner character.

一些基础问题：时态，人称，重复。以后一定注意。
还是那个问题，要建立领导人之所以成为领导人与内在优良品质之间的关系。

To sum up, We can see obviously that leaders are not only created by needs and demands from outer surroundings placed upon on them, but also produced by some inner factors like some good character of themselves. If we overlook one of them ,we may fall into the fallacy of drawing a rash and inappropriate conclusion as the speaker does.

基本问题：
1 第一段的转折有些问题
2 既然内因和外因是一个人成为领导人的两个关键原因，那在文中就要重点建立这两种关系。而文中的例子有了，但与其说是原因，不如说把这两点写成了特征。要深刻理解create.
3 一些基础的问题以后一定要注意。
4 语言还有些贫乏，逻辑上有些死板。

大体上来说把事儿说清了，还不错。
加油！

lq8186UID: 148901

太感谢木耳兄了：）
我还是对leader的creat不太明白，如何把people，society 的需要和creat leader 建立必要的联系？leader的内在品质与creat之间的联系？麻烦大家给个思路，谢谢

木耳UID: 123036

这里的create从外界来讲我觉得就是desire和chance.
乱世出英雄。特殊的外界条件需要特殊的人物来推动历史进程；同时特殊的外界条件又给潜在的leaders成为leaders创造了条件。

这里的外界条件其实就是society和people了。
不知说清楚没有 :D